I’m so upset

[AlanaS]

I’ve struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. But today just opened up a part of my depression i just tried to block out for so long.

Today I had to take an Uber home from work. And this guy started off being really flirty, but then became super aggressive. Trying to pressure me into a date. Not respecting me saying “no”. Saying to me “let’s turn around and go back to my place I have food there let’s have lunch”. Not wanting to take no for an answer. Not letting me leave the car. I was so uncomfortable I wanted to cry. I finally just got out of the car. I have rejected men before, and I was punched in the face. I was afraid to tell him off or be aggressive back.

I was so upset and told friends of mine what happened and everyone’s response was “why didn’t you do this?” Or “You should of....” “ you need to learn to stand up for yourself, not be so weak”. It made me feel like I was responsible for this. Like it’s all my fault this happened.

It made me flash back to a dark time i blocked out for so long, a time I don’t ever want to remember. When I was sexually abused as a child. When I was raped at 22. My whole life I’ve blamed myself for these things. And I hate myself for these things happening to me. I hate myself. I’ve always had this problem where I get really scared and uncomfortable around men. Understandably. And today I went back to that horrible place. Blaming myself. Feeling weak. Then hearing people blame me for not doing anything it made me hate myself again. I’m so angry, upset, hurt. I feel like I’m hitting a downward spiral again.

[Sunshine151515]

Hey, i am really sorry this happened to you. I cant possibly imagine what you must be going through but i know this, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. It was never your fault. Please do not blame yourself. The people around you should be more empathetic towards you. It is not always easy to stand up for yourself when you’ve been through what you have in the past. It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay. You’re only human. Old memories and feelings haunt back but we gotta push through them and tell ourselves better days are coming. That guy was a jerk and i believe what you did was the best you could do in that moment. I am happy you’re safe. I am here for you. Just don’t blame yourself. Hang in there, you’ll get through this

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi AlanaS,

I agree with nandini, this situation is not of your making, you are not to blame or at fault or responsible for what happened. It's brave of you to share with us what has happened. You have take a step to take back control of your life.

In the first instance maybe, to give you some power and control back, you should call Uber head office and make an official complaint of sexual harrassment, unprofessional inappropriate behaviour by one of their employees. They are a danger to any vulnerable person travelling in their taxi. I'm sure it won't matter if you don't remember the taxi number plate or the driver. Uber should keep a confidential record of your trip request and who the driver was. Check out their T&C's.

Heres' a link for what to do in an emergency during a ride on Uber site:

SOS Share: uber.com/legal/safety-and-s...

Uber Community guidelines and scroll down page to 'Ensuring a respectful, safe environment for all drivers and riders' uber.com/legal/community-gu...

*Physical contact with the driver or fellow riders. As our community guidelines make clear, you shouldn’t touch or flirt with other people in the car. As a reminder, Uber has a no sex rule. That’s no sexual conduct with drivers or fellow riders, no matter what. And you should never hit or otherwise hurt a driver or fellow passenger.

*Use of inappropriate and abusive language or gestures. For example, asking overly personal questions, using verbal threats, and making comments or gestures that are aggressive, sexual, discriminatory, or disrespectful.

* Unwanted contact with the driver or fellow passenger after the trip is over. For example, texting, calling, or visiting someone in person after a ride has been completed. Remember, in most countries you can call and text your driver directly from the Uber app without ever having to share your personal phone number. This means that your phone number stays anonymous and is never given to the driver.

Secondly, keeping all that pain and abuse buried deep inside you for so long is damaging, and maybe it's time to seek professional help to start to recover from this in a healthy way. Can you speak to your doctor or mental health practitioner about getting appropriate help?

We are here for you and listening. Keep in touch.

Best wishes,

MAS Nurse

[hypercat54]

Hi first of all don't hate yourself as you have nothing to hate yourself for. You have been through a terrible experience and I don't blame you for your reactions. I hope you have reported him? If not please do so to stop him doing the same to other women. I have heard of these sort of problems before with urber drivers.

Secondly it's all very well for others to criticise you but they weren't there. It's easy to be brave and wise after the event after all. Tell them to take a hike.

A few months ago I was at a car boot sale and saw one of the sellers hit his dog very hard 3 times. I was really upset and told him not to. I didn't think to get his car details or report him to a steward or anything.

Anyway I told a couple of people at work and they said 'Did you get his licience number'? 'Did you report him to the police' 'I would have done this and that' etc. I was angry and upset with them (not myself) as it made me feel very defensive and on the back foot. I just wanted comfort coz I was still upset, not censure. I tried to get them to shut up but they wouldn't so in the end I just shouted at them saying I wished I had never said anything and stormed off It's awful when others do that to you isn't it? I understand. Try not to let it get to you and next time get angry at them rather than allow yourself to become more upset. x