Should I have done something and if so What?!

[CarolineLondon]

Hi

I was driving over to mums and sat at the traffic lights, a car pulled up behind me and as you do I looked in the rear view mirror.

What I saw was truly horrific a woman who looked as if she was in her late 50's early 60s was driving and I presume the man beside her around the same age (who sat in the front passenger seat) was her husband. Also in the back I could make out a kid maybe 8/9 years old.

The woman almost without turning side ways punched him hard IN THE FACE! He immediately tried to shield his face, cowered down and looked like he was going to cry. :-(!

Gawd I felt awful, I didn't know what to do, soon after the lights changed and I had to move, they spun off in a different direction. I dread to think what his New Years is going to be like.

You hear about men being abused but you never see it. True he could have said or done something to upset her, but still.

I used to be in a violent relationship, but we would set each other off and I would fight my corner even though he was 6ft4, well built and muscly. Because of that (me fighting and fighting back) , I didn't blame him because I felt we abused each other an unwritten agreement if you like. It was only when his councellor pointed out it wasn't exactly a fair fight that I felt hard done by...lol.

So what Im saying is that wasn't the face of an abuser, he looked like a victim, even before it kicked off something looked wrong.

With hind sight my car was in front of hers, I could have got out and said something, I would have if Id thought it through as my car blocked hers, though maybe she could have driven round me. However by saying something I could also have made things worse for him. And of course I didnt think to record the drivers plate number, it all happened so fast. Honestly I'm not shy violet I would have told her in no uncertain terms thats was inappropriate and cruel.

Lastly I would just like to say Id been listening to Terry Thomas on the radio, so it may have come out more like, "Madam do you think that's a ladylike way to behave" in my best BBC English " Bad show old girl. Bad show"....lol...Sorry not funny but sad things do sometimes lead you to dark humour!

Anyway if you believe I should have done more please tell me what, if I see her again I will take her out! Just kidding, who knows what was going on in their relationship.

Oh and my New Years, home alone while the ex-BF goes to a party...charming

Hope you are all okay out there.

Could we move New Years Eve say to April 31st

XX

[Suzie40]

That must have been really hard to watch, but I doubt you intervening would have changed anything. Also it might have put you in danger yourself x

[CarolineLondon in reply to Suzie40]

Lucy that made me smile, I don't ever feel in danger, I was raised with violence, but it makes me sensitive to violence against others. She wouldn't have scared me, but it may have made things harder for him.

If had my time again I would have had the presence of mind to record the number plate and tell social services and hope they would have the discretion to make quiet enquiries. Especially with a child involved. Hindsight is a wonderful thing is it not.

But thanks for your kind message.

I'll wish him well for the new year through the Universe and the Angels XX

[Stilltrying_ in reply to CarolineLondon]

Happy New Year Caroline. Yes I can understand how upsetting it was for you to see this; it would have really upset me a lot too and I would have wondered the same ie. whether I should have done something.

In reality there wasn't anything you could do except of course as you say if you'd have thought to maybe take the numberplate.

I'm stopping in tonight too, which is hardly unusual for me and I'm quite happy stopping in . Seem to be spending a lot of time tidying at the moment which is much better than how I feel sometimes which is not wanting to do anything .I'll be off to bed straight after midnight ( I know I'm boring probably!!!)

Hugs Caroline, Love Gemma XX

Also Happy New Year to anyone who is on the site at the moment. Hope we can all still be here to support each other in the New Year. It's nearly 2015 now! X

[CarolineLondon in reply to Stilltrying_]

Happy New Year!!!!!

It seems world war 3 is happening outside my window, but positioned so I cant see the blooming fireworks...grrr

Thank you Gemma XX

XX

[Izumi]

I can understand it was shocking for you, the suddenness and the child in the car. However, you cannot know what caused the outburst. So many people suffer because of situations that have been misinterpreted. I will say, nothing justifys exposing a child to that sort of violence.

[CarolineLondon in reply to Izumi]

Thing is coming from a violent home myself when I was young I can tell you violence begets violence. Children come to think not only is it a good way to deal with their emotions but the only way. They also come to understand that they are deserving of physical harm.

Regardless of the child, regardless of the motivation I can categorically say now there is NO reason for violence other than self defence, no one has the right to hit another person. I also know a lot of violence is the result of fear.

There are few if any absolutes in life but I believe that is one of them. The only other time that violence may be appropriate is for the greater good (but then I mean warfare) and of course depending on which side you are on that justification may seem right ...or not

Thank you for your reply

[tazmania]

With it all happening so fast I think I also wouldn't have done anything at the time due to the shock, then I would have kicked myself

Afterwards wishing I had got out and given her a piece of my mind. But to be honest you knew so little about what was going on, the only thing really to be done would be to report to social services... For that

You would have needed more

Time

To think about taking down car details etc... So in my opinion it was out of your hands xxz

[CarolineLondon in reply to tazmania]

Thanks your right, but I am kicking myself...lol.

Sometimes things have to come to a head before the victim simply ups and leaves, perhaps its part of a process

Lets hope if it is him he finds the strength.

X

[tazmania]

With it all happening so fast I think I also wouldn't have done anything at the time due to the shock, then I would have kicked myself

Afterwards wishing I had got out and given her a piece of my mind. But to be honest you knew so little about what was going on, the only thing really to be done would be to report to social services... For that

You would have needed more

Time

To think about taking down car details etc... So in my opinion it was out of your hands xxz