I don't know whats wrong with me, is there anything even at all?

[soarin25]

I just went through a breakup. He broke up with me indicating that I was making him feel guilty and that he wasn't happy with me anymore. I was/am pretty insecure about everything and I had specific minor requests for him to do such as "message me when I away please" he wouldn't do it or wouldn't exceed after one attempt. I would get upset and request for it again, but he'd be irritated. I guess this made him feel guilty. When I would be upset sometimes I'd get mad at him for not saying the right things, or the things I needed/wanted to hear. Now we try to stay friends and I go from extreme anger and frustration to compassion and apologetic in a span of a couple minutes. But it's not like bipolar disorder, I don't have swings of happiness to sadness.

Now I think i'm telling myself that I'm not okay but really I'm just dealing normal emotions and thoughts. Then it circles back and I think "well maybe I'm not okay if I think that."

I constantly fight myself. I think something and I always consider the opposing side. Its without a politic topic example that comes to mine is once again the relationship

"I want him to message me now"

"I can't just demand him to message me, even if he isn't busy."

"But he shouldn't outright ignore you like this, he's clearly checking his messages!"

"If you consider it though, you're acting needy with your responses."

"But... I guess I am acting needy but I just want a response to see if he's okay and I don't think that's much to ask."

I swing back and forth like this too much. It's tiresome, like really tiresome, and I can't write a research paper, paper anything because of it. Because I'm constantly contradicting myself with the other side.

I have breakdowns occasionally, where something, for lack of better word "triggers" me and I just feel extremely guilty. I really hate myself and I'm easily upset if I feel like I've wronged someone.

I feel like I think too much about myself, but I'm told that I should care about myself first anyways but that feels wrong. It feels selfish to care about myself or to think I'm "good." And I go around hating on anyone without a decent amount of self-deprecation, and it's probably because I see them as "Cocky, selfish, entitled and arrogant." But why, you should love yourself and think well enough of yourself... so why do I hate others who have the ability to respect themselves.

Just something feels wrong, something feels like my thoughts aren't "okay" or "normal." But every inch of me is fighting back saying that I'm seeking attention or just trying to find something wrong with me so I can pity myself...

Currently, it sounds like there are voices in my head, it's not. I swear its just my thought process

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello there,

Welcome to our supportive community. Well done for taking a brave step out of your comfort zone to reach out for help.You are obviously having a difficult time right now and hopefully you will find folks here are only too willing to come alongside you and share from their personal journeys and experiences.

Do check out our Pinned Post section for free mental health guides, international crisis support helplines shawmindfoundation.org/supp...

if you live in the UK keep these crisis support helplines handy:

The Samaritans Tel: 116 123 [24 hours line]

NHS: 999 [Emergencies]

NHS 111 [Non-Emergencies]

MIND UK charity: Helpline Tel: [phone] [e-mail] Text: 86463 mind.org.uk/information-sup...

SANEline Tel: [phone] [4.30pm – 10.30pm daily] sane.org.uk/

Keep in touch! Ok folks what can you suggest to help this new member?

Best wishes,

MAS Nurse

[fauxartist]

borderline personality disorder?....abandonment issues because of the need of constant reassurance...I don't know....I'm not a professional...but I would for sure get help with a therapist that is a good fit...as you do need to be able to be open and honest with them as well as trust them enough that when they tell you something, you can take it on board not as a threat, but as a truth that may help you deal with your stuff.