Over the last two weeks or so, I have been feeling depressed. Well, not just depressed, I have been feeling suicidal and like I want to hurt myself. I am panicky all the time, I don't want to eat, not because I'm not hungry but just because I don't want to eat.
I had my first panic attack yesterday - it scared me so much.
I truly don't know what to do anymore - I feel so upset constantly I don't feel I can go on like this anymore.
I feel like I can't tell anyone because they won't believe me.
Hi Hammond it's Ava here. You are going through exactly what I am going through its horrendous. Ok have you been to your GP at all? Do you have family and friends ?
Ava
Hi Ava, I haven't been to my GP. I have family and friends but I haven't told them - I don't want to worry them. I have told my husband and he is amazing and supportive but he looks so disappointed when I don't feel better - its heartbreaking.
Your lucky your husband is supportive. My ex was awful saying I had mental issues the lot. I know how bad you are that was me suicidal the lot tried to take my own life twice until my niece stopped me. I ended up in hospital and discharged myself as it was horrendous. I think the first thing you should do is see your GP. Lots of people are against medication, but if your like me I have suffered for about 20 odd years and have tried all sorts... Nothing worked. Some of us just have that chemical in balance so we need help as in medication. My moods were and are all over the place, but taking this med is helping a tiny bit... I'm in the early stages it takes a while. Remember this is an illness and for other illnesses people take medicine have an operation etc, so it's a similar thing.. Make an appointment to see your GP. If you don't mind me asking what's brought the depression on?
Ava x
I was attacked about 4 years ago - I have struggled with the feelings on and off since but have always managed to bury them but recently its just been getting harder and harder to do that and recently it seems to have fully manifested itself until I can't think of anything else.
I know I need to go to my GP, the rational side of me knows that it isn't a weakness to need help but the other side (the more dominant one at the moment) is scared that they won't believe me. On paper, I have nothing to be depressed about and so I guess I just feel stupid telling someone I am depressed, even though I know that it is an irrational fear.
I haven't tried to take my own life - mostly because when I have the feelings I just try my best to make sure I'm not on my own so I can't act on it. I try to stay away from alcohol as well as I'm worried that if I wasn't fully in control then I might try and act on it.
I know I am amazingly lucky with my husband - when I first started having these feelings I was with another man who didn't understand.
x
Scenario 1 = You don't go to your GP so they can't help you.
Scenario 2 = You go to your GP & he/she doesn't believe you & doesn't help.
Scenario 3 = You go to your GP they believe you & try to help.
1 & 2 are the same result so if you try 2 & end up at 1 what have you lost?
But number 3 is the actual most likely outcome. They will ask you to do a little questionnaire that asks how you are on a scale of 1 to 5 (I think it is). And that along with what you are saying will help them determine if you are depressed. In my (albeit limited experience) of talking to 3 separate doctors over the years, each one of them agreed I was depressed & tried to help. Doctors are far more open to the idea nowadays as depressed is much more prevalent in society.
If they don't believe you, what have you lost other than a little bit of time? And if that were to be the case, while your at the surgery then book another appointment with a different doc for a second opinion.
James
So sorry to hear about the attack. My friends and I call these demons, we all have them. We must learn that what has happened in the past has happened and we can never change that but what we can change is ball the negative thoughts associated with it. Yes your lucky he is very supportive. The reason why I suggest the GP and by no means is it a weakness needing the help is because they can also set up counselling for you. I had my first session on Tuesday gosh it was hard opening up, I was shaking badly for 40 mins after but the lady said I'm going to help you get through this. This is done by altering the mindset. I was abused as a child by a family member who is now in a very high position of authority that hurts and a load of other stuff as well. Honestly it's the way forward, I do believe I will have this illness until I die but it's how I can my mindset, I'm still learning, small steps each day, if I have a bAd day so be it.
Ava x
Hi there it is not your fault you were attacked (obviously of course but I'm saying this as somehow when something bad happens to us there seems to be self blame mechanism kicks in even though we are NOT to blame for it). The depression will definately in my opinion be related to this and please don't feel bad about seeking help with this. You need to be able to talk out the whole thing all of what happened all your feelings about it and yourself and everything else and I would strongly suggest that you seek out counselling for this. Have you looked at things like Victim support for example as they may offer counselling. A mild anti-depressant may help if you feel unable to function but the main thing is to get out all your feelings about the incident and the effects it has had on you properly.
Gemma X
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