The nightmare needs to STOP

[Whatsthepoint2410]

I do not wish to upset or offend anyone so you might want to consider before reading.

Following on from my previous post I have spoken to my G.P and unfortunately there is no cure for my condition.

I have lived so long with the misery and overwhelming emotional pain and suffering that is my existence. I now need the nightmare to stop.

I have always believed in euthanasia when someone's suffering is so bad. How do you judge someone's suffering? Who is more qualified to judge my pain than me? We live in a world where the one thing I can't enjoy is everywhere. It's in everything I read or I watch. It constantly bombarded my senses and reminds me of my own personal hell.

I am alone in this. No-one can help me. It's taking 22 years to talk like this and I only do it because it's anonymous! I can never tell my because it would break her heart and cause her pain and stress and I love her too much for that. If the problem ever became known it would be impossible to live with and I understand that between than anyone.

I have a choice to make. Continue to live with my condition and suffer alone or finally give in to the voice in my head that wants me to end the suffering which is starting to win the battle.

I am so tired of living like this. You only get one life and mine was ruined before it even got started. It's been a horrible and cruel punishment for so long.

Thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts and I hope I haven'toffended anyone.

Anonymous

[mysmugcat]

I am sorry to hear your struggles. Do you take medicine or have counselling? It is obviously up to you whether you tell your S/O. I wish I had told my partner everything when he was alive. Do you like helping others at all? Do you work etc?

[Whatsthepoint2410 in reply to mysmugcat]

Hi. I do take pain medication and don't have counselling. I lost my job 2 years ago after working tgere for over 10 years.

[darkshadow]

I know everybody says this but I really mean you are not alone. I don't know your circumstances but please talk to me. It would help me too. Nobody should be offended by your suffering and desperation. There are so many people who mean well but cannot help.I know this and go on suffering as you do. Please talk to me at least. Send me a private message if you prefer that.I will not forsake you. Myra.

[hypercat54]

Hi I am sorry your condition is incurable but what isn't is your mindset on it. If you can't change your condition the only thing you can is how you think about it.

You are not less of a man because of your lack of sexual feelings any more than a man is because he has eg lost a testicle or any other part of his anatomy. It is this feeling of inadequacy you need to be working on rather than directing your thoughts toward ending your life. Being a man is much more about how you live your life by being a responsible and decent human being and looking after your family.

It is up to you though and if you refuse to try and change your mindset then it is your life and up to you what you do with it. I really hope you choose life and not death. Take care. x

[sweetiepye]

I suggest before you make a mistake that you do at least two things. One would be to see a specialist in spinal injuries , get a good therapist who specializes in sexual dysfunction, and I would add another, talk to your partner. The fact that you can't or won't tell her indicates you are protecting yourself not her . You do your wife a disservice by deciding for her that she can't handle this. Maybe she can't, but she deserves the chance to stand by you and support you. Now that would take courage on your part and it takes a real man for that. I imagine your wife knows and is protecting you . I do hope you will make an effort to change your situation. 41 is very young to be giving up.Pam

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Whatsthepoint2410,

Sorry to hear you are struggling and I'm sure no one has taken offence.

You have had some very supportive replies from our members and hopefully this gives you some comfort.

Forgive me if you have heard this before but the Samaritans on 116 123 offer a completely confidential service which might also suit you as you have previously mentioned that anonymity is what you prefer.

Take Care and keep posting.