Borderline Personality Disorder?

[Gemlou27]

Has anyone got this or know of anyone whom has this I was diagnosed a few years bk and since then I haven't ever some across another sole that has it the one I've heard is bipolar disorder and althoygh uts closely related i would really like to speak to someone in the same boat as myself (although i know our lifes and experiences may be different) I'm finding it hard to keep my mind right I'm constantly think is that me or my disorder I question my anger and emotions. If anyone could help this would be great thanks in advance xx

[Hidden]

Hi Gemlou27,

I know of two people who are living with BPD. I think it is both common and normal to wonder if it's you or the disorder.

If there is a mental health support group in your area, you will most likely find people who have thoughts similar to yours. I'm pretty sure this community will be a big help.

Blessings!

[Gemlou27 in reply to Hidden]

Can i ask how would I go about seeking this out? Also would this involve group chats I'm not so good at being open and honest when it comes to my sexual abuse as a child and it makes me closed off to talk face to face I eventually gain the trust but sometimes its difficult and thanks u for telling me this as its horrible I remember what I was like before and I question how much of my personality has changed due to this disorder its hard to distinguish between me and the disorder and I know even that's strange as its part of me. Thanks u again x

[Hidden in reply to Gemlou27]

Good morning!

If you are located in the U.S., you can search the internet for mental health support groups in your city and state. An in-person support group can be helpful. You can share as much or as little as you want. There are times when people in my support group decide they don't want to share things and it's not a problem at all. The group understands. Most of us have felt the same way at one time or another. I currently attend a support group for caregivers. I plan to join another group so that I can meet people who are struggling with the same mental health issues that I am dealing with.

I'm a private person, but I feel more comfortable on this site because we can be anonymous. You all know more about me than the folks in my local support group. I'm beginning to trust them, and I am sure everything will eventually come out. Just know that there is absolutely no pressure to divulge anything.

We are here for you!

[Suzie40]

I'm in the process of working to try and get a diagnosis. At the moment I'm basing what I think on my internet research! Tell me about what it's like for you and I'll see if I can relate x

[Gemlou27 in reply to Suzie40]

Honestly the best way i can describe it is a rollcoster of emotions in one day. One min I'm on such an high loving life happy and the next I'm drowning in tears suffocated in anxiety and I feel like I could hide... Its like a fight with my myself every second of every day. Unfortunately my disorder stems from being abused as a child and not properly dealing with it until a yr or so ago and the sexual abuse councillor has helped me understand my feelings for sure and I'm currently waiting for just normal counselling just to help with day to day! But it was a break down all in all that bought on the personality disorder and honestly I was different before I know it I was calmer wouldn't allow things to effect me the way they do now I am getting there now I'm on medication daily but once I miss a few days I can tell I become unsteady in myself angry sad hyper loving and it goes round and round. I hope in some way this helps I'm sorry if not x

[sobs1962 in reply to Gemlou27]

Hi there, just read your post and I realise it's from 3 Years ago but I completely understand the rollercoaster of emotions you describe and it's like that 24/7. I wasn't abused as a child but I am adopted and was brought up in non-validating environment,so anger of any kind was not allowed and often punished. My parents were good people but we're living with unresolved grief after losing 2 babies shortly after birth. I had what is called an insecure attachment to my mother, as did my twin brother. I am 58 and have only recently been diagnosed with BPD due to long-term use of alcohol which was masking the symptoms,but thinking back I have been like this since I was about 8 (when I found out I was adopted)If you need to just vent or talk,please feel free. It's a difficult thing to deal with especially as I also have major depressive disorder and generalised anxiety disorder as well.

[Suzie40]

I know it's wrong to use the Internet to diagnose yourself, but the symptoms the NHS website list jump out me alarmingly.

1. Fear of abandonment.

I have massive issues around this. Three years ago my Mum died. i felt more anger that she'd left me without a Mum than I did sadness at her suffering. You may have seen on the news about the GP who was responsible for a child dying of an asthma attack. She was my GP and a few weeks after my Mum died she was suspended by the Practice. It wasn't compassion for the child or her family that I felt; it was betrayal by the GP for leaving me when I needed her. When it comes to relationships I've done some absolutely crazy things to stop people leaving me.

2. Unstable relationships

Both of my children were born out of whirlwind relationships, neither of which lasted more than a year after the children were born.I settle down quickly with men but have never been in a relationship that has lasted longer than a couple of years.

4. Impulsive, self destructive behaviours.

This is me. I randomly stop taking mediation that I know I need and I know will make me feel better. But I do it anyway and I don't know why. I'm anaemic but I don't take my iron tablets. I'm overweight but I eat for England. I'm being investigated for a stomach ulcer, yet I pop aspirin and ibuprofen like there's about to be a national shortage.

5. Self harm.

See above. I'm always fantasising about ways to hurt myself - I've even tried things like jumping from the top of a ladder recently, and today I got excited about a new saw I bought to saw an old bed up.

6. Extreme emotional swings.

It's hard to describe this. At first I thought I had bipolar, but the more I researched my mood swings, the more I was drawn to bpd. In the same day I can feel so low I want to crash my car, and then so excited that I want to make my boyfriend's day. Forget the same day - the same hour sometimes. I take a mood stabiliser for these feelings, but I'm stopping it tonight. (I don't know why - see point 4!)

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness.

Sometimes in work the feeling of emptiness is so debilitating it makes me want to scream. Sometimes I can't think of any way to fill my time of space. At home there is so much to do yet I feel so empty that I can't motivate myself to do anything at all and just complain about feeling bored.

8. Explosive anger

I can get angry quickly, but it's not explosive. (Who fits all criteria for a diagnosis anyway!)

9. Feeling suspicious or out of touch with reality.

I constantly convince myself that my partners are cheating on me. I'm currently trying to find a way to hack my boyfriend's FB account in the hope that I'll find the evidence I need and seem to want. I suppose this behaviour links with number 4, too.

When my mood gets really low I lose touch with what's real around me. I drive around not knowing which way I came or remember how to get to places. I forget how to control my car or do manoeuvres on the road (hoping here you're not a traffic cop!). Last time I had this (just after Christmas) I remember going to get a coffee in COSTA. Despite having been in the same cafe many, many times before I couldn't work out where to queue or find the place to get the cutlery etc. It was bizarre.

I've left number 3 out, which is unreal self image because I don't really get what it means. I'd be interested to hear your thoughts .... x

[Suzie40]

I forgot to mention childhood trauma, which I know is a common denominator in people who suffer with BPD. My Mum was alcohol dependent and my father beat me. I was one of six and we were poor. I got bullied by the local kids for wearing their hand-me-downs and it sucked every bit of confidence out of me. My sisters and I constantly battled for our Mum's attention and as a result I would often feign illness to get out of going to school so I could spend time with her. It was in my teenage years when I became really aware of the differences between my own childhood and those of the few friends I had that my mental health difficulties started to become prevalent.

[Gemlou27 in reply to Suzie40]

I'm sorry for this and unfortunately I too know well what a messed up childhood looks like I could go on forever with my story and one day I'm sure we will go into depths but for now all I will say is go to counselling (easier said than done I know) but it will teach u in time that u are using valuable energy and emotions on this and in doing so giving it power and until can say its ok that I feel like this and I have a right to but for right now I will not let it eat at me and u will learn to control how and when to release this... Also at times easier said than done and I am learning but I use breathing techniques when I feel these feelings I make myself aware that I'm feeling anger towards my father and what he did and then I think "No I hold the power and I don't want to waste my emotions or give him the power and in my head I count to 5 and take deep breaths and think of 5 five things at that moment thay are good in my life or even that day x

[Gemlou27]

Self image - I suffer with alot sometimes I can go up to a week without even thinking of having a bath or doing anything like make up or dressing properly slobs hair back and to hell with what I look like. Then other times I want to make the effort do a face mask dye my brows get dressed all depends how I'm feeling in the moment and what my night has bought and my emotions thay morning. I was diagnosed after a really really bad break down I have been in a relationship 9yrs and up until this point I hadn't Ever laid a finger on him nor wanted to in anyway a few months or weeks before this my oldest brother told me my father had all so abused him but due to drug taking he has forgotten his past and something in me that day broke from then I couldn't handle anything and this one day my partner said the wrong thing and I attacked him he locked himself in the bathroom and rang my mum by the time I had realised what I was doing I was holding a knife to my wrist and my mum was there screaming at me crying for me to pass her the knife she rang the GP and then referred me straight to a psychiatric ward at a hospital I spoke to two people and then for 6weeks I someone come visit me every single day and that's when they diagnosed me this BPD Anxiety depression and later my sexual abuse councillor thought PTSD as welldue to vivid dreams and flash backs at night. I would strongly advise speaking to a GP and also please take this from someone who's relapsed alot with her meds try and get into a routine with it mine is every morning I get up get my milk my cereal get my tablets fill the kettle fill a glass flick on the kettle take my meds make cereal and tea and then face the day... Also one bit of advice I have been given and its helped alot is write a diary everything u feel and think it doesn't matter if it makes sense or not just get it out and its your own private place to vent its helped me alot and I have not been writing a diary since I was 20 but its defo helped with my feels and difficult emotions that I don't even understand and believe me I have written thay line more than enough lol x

[Shanpa69]

Hi

I have been diagnosised with BPD since 2008 even though l most probably been battling with it since 19 years old l did a therapy called DBT dialectical behaviour therapy it’s was helpful in giving me techniques with living with this condition day to day however life continues to be a challenge as l have found it difficult to get the right help and support from professionals.

All the symptoms and difficulties you describe is what l also struggle with and some days l feel like l can not cope as l don’t know who is the real me

Due to fighting my childhood emotional and sexual abuse and trying to keep alive for my daughter and being fearful that my behaviour has harm her led me to developing a condition called fibromyalgia which has left me with chronic pain everyday there is some evidence that trauma can trigger this condition

I can say that having BPD can be a lonely condition to live with as l have big trust issues and find it difficult to make friends and feel the world is out to harm me

Anyway it sounds like your trying your best and your doing the best you can day to day take care

[Gemlou27 in reply to Shanpa69]

Thanks for sharing... would u recommend the dpt? I've only had sexually abuse counselling and honestly my Dr are useless with this illness they are great with my endometriosis Anixety and depression but this I get meds and that's pretty much it I feel like I've been left to do all the research and just suffer alone the only reason I know the things I know about BPD is reading it online... I feel completely alone when I it comes to this disorder no one understands and then I'm afraid to be truthful on how it makes me feel unless my friends think I'm crazy... I've been in a relationship for 9yrs and luckily he is the most understanding caring person I could have possibly met and although I've attacked him and made out he was sticking up for me father (whom sexual abused me) and this was never the case I just protect myself in the only I know with this disorder I switched went nuts and told him he is sticking up for him because he isn't supporting me which is such a horrible thing to say when he had been my rock through all of this the diagnosis the sexual abuse councillors finding out my brother was also abused he has seen me through it all. But like u I question everything is he with me for pity are my friends my friends because they feel they have to be? Its all sooo confusing what's me what's my disorder and I know its me as a whole but that's what I find myself asking all the time x

[Shanpa69 in reply to Gemlou27]

Hi Gemlou27

Yes l did find it useful as l did it over a two year period it consisted of one group therapy and one to one session

What was useful about it for me is that you focused on the difficulties you had day to day we were not allowed to really talk about being abused which l found difficult at the time as l had no counselling around being sexually abused ... however it was useful as we looked at how we regualated our mood and to be more mindful of our own thought processes which then helped you to look at the different emotional states you found yourself getting into in the here and now

The group session was useful to a point as it was good to be with other who shared the same thoughts feelings and behaviours to yourself. However l did still find myself comparing myself to others and felt not good enough and rubbish etc..

It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your partner but it will be difficult for you as the pain is so much and it’s natural for us to take it out on the ones who is closest to us.

As you said GP are not great with BPD l was lucky to have a good psychiatrist who referred me to do DBT Do you see a psychiatrist?

It sounds like you are ready to look at your BPD symptoms as you are researching the condition trying to find ways to help yourself but l still understand how hard it is as l said before l feel like l can’t do it and l don’t have friends l can totally be honest with .. l do hope you find the right treatment plan for yourself

[Gemlou27 in reply to Shanpa69]

Yes I'm just now taking on board my health issues because as well as BPD I have Endometriosis and my tight tube is stuck to my bowel and I have very bad pain with my monthlyie and because the pain has increased I'm worrying about being a mother and that my chances are lessoning so thats stires up some emotions and makes me uneasy so there for i thought Gemma take the rains and do something learn help yourself and honestly talking to others helps not so much the actual research that can be abit daunting xx

[Shanpa69 in reply to Gemlou27]

Yes l agree l think talking to others is more helpful especially those with the same condition as they can relate to what you are going through or what we r going through l thought l might have endometriosis but they won’t do the surgery you need to do to find out if you have it or not difficult monthly period too so much pain ..it’s all very hard how do you feel about having children hope you don’t mind me asking ?

Do you feel you while try to get on a DBT programme ?

Agree about the research as it can sometimes make you feel worse

.

[reinagrace]

Hi Gemlou27 I have Borderline personality disorder also and after years of working on it thru therapy and just practicing the skills I learned thru Dialectical Behavior Therapy, I have a much better grip on my symptoms but i still struggle with them. Yes i too always question if its my illness or do i have a right to be angry at this person, bc i know how sensitive i am. there used to be an online support group on yahoo but they ended unfortunately- they would give a lesson every week, a DBT lesson (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), then if people wanted, they could do the "homework" at the end, which was to practice a skill that week then write the group about how they worked that week's lesson in real life. I can send you the lessons if you want by private message here. this is a copy and paste of the intro lesson:

New Member’s Introduction to DBT

References:

Personal DBT Skills Group notes 11/25/08, 12/2/08

David Burns, M.D., Adapted from “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy”

Skills Training Manual page 107

Alec L. Miller, Jill H, Rathus, Marsha M. Linehan, “Dialectical Behavioral Therapy with Suicidal Adolescents”, pages 311 and 312

As many of you know, DBT was originally developed for the treatment of people who experience emotion dysregulation. This (emotion dysregulation) entails being highly sensitive (which can be a gift if you know how to channel it!), highly reactive and slow return to baseline. DBT is based on a Bio-social model. Individuals have a biological predisposition to emotional dysregulation. Then, socially there is a poor fit between the family environment and the emotionally dysregulated individual. This “poor fit” is evidenced by an invalidating

/inconsistent environment. This leads us to having difficulty tolerating stress, poor communication skills, etc. We don’t trust our own judgment, have low self-esteem, identity crisis and don’t know how to self-sooth. Everything is mood driven – the moment is what counts, NOT the overall goal. We never learned that “Thoughts are not facts, emotions are not facts”.

Some characteristics of an invalidating environment include:

Not taken as accurate when describing their private experiences

Not taken as valid response to events

Punished, trivialized, dismissed, disregarded

Erratic, inconsistent, inappropriate responses.

The child is told s/he is over- reacting. The child goes from inhibiting to exploding; from stuffing to being out there and getting angry.

In failing to validate private experiences, the environment does not teach the child to:

Label private experiences (including emotions) in a manner normative in large social communities for the same or similar experiences.

Effectively regulate emotions.

Trust emotional and cognitive experiences as valid response to events. Instead the child learns to actively invalidate experiences and search social environments for clues as to how to feel, think and act, in a given situation.

DISTORTED THINKING

All or nothing thinking: You look at things in absolute, black-and–white categories.

Overgeneralization: You view a negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.

Mental Filter: You dwell on the negatives and ignore the positives.

Discounting the positives: you insist that your accomplishments or positive qualities don’t count.

Jumping to conclusion: You conclude things are bad with out any definitive

evidence.

Mind reading: You assume that people are reacting negatively to you.

Fortune telling: You predict that things will turn out badly.

Magnification or minimization: You blow things way out of proportion or you shrink their importance.

Emotional reasoning: You reason from how you feel: “I feel like an idiot, so I must be one.”

“Should” statements: You criticize your self or other people with “shoulds” “shouldn’ts,” “musts,” “oughts,” and “have-tos.”

Labeling: Instead of saying, “I made a mistake,” you tell yourself, “I’m a jerk” or “a loser.”

Blame: You blame yourself for something you weren’t entirely responsible for, or you blame other people and overlook ways that you contributed to a problem.

The Goals of Skills Training.

General Goal: To learn and refine skills in changing behavioral, emotional and thinking patterns associated with problems in living, those causing misery and distress. In summary, to develop a life worth living.

Specific Goals

Behaviors to decrease

Interpersonal chaos

Labile emotions, moods

Impulsiveness

Confusion about self, cognitive dysregulation

Behaviors to Increase

Interpersonal Effectiveness skills

Emotion regulation skills

Distress tolerance skills

Core Mindfulness skills

Dialectics: What is it?

Dialectics teach us that:

There is always more than one-way to see a situation, and more than one way to solve a problem.

All people have unique qualities and different points of view.

It is important not to see the world in “black–and-white,” “all-or-nothing” ways.

Two things that seem like (or are) opposites can both be true.

Change is the only constant.

Meaning and truth evolve over time.

Change is transactional.

Acceptance

AND

Acceptance --(Change = (--Change

Middle path

Examples:

You are doing the best you can, and you need to do better, try harder, and be more motivated to change.

You are tough and you are gentle.

Balancing reward with punishment.

This perspective helps pave the way toward the middle path by helping you:

Expand your thoughts and ways or considering life situations

“Unstick” standoffs and conflicts.

Be more flexible and approachable.

Avoid assumptions and blaming.

Validation: What is it?

Validation communicates to another person that his or her feelings, thoughts and actions make sense and are understandable to you in a particular situation.

Self-validation involves perceiving your own feelings, thoughts and actions as accurate and acceptable in a particular situation.

Remember: Validation does not = Agreement

Validation does not necessarily mean that you like or agree with what the other person is doing, saying, or feeling. It means you understand where the other person is coming from.

WHAT should we validate?

Feelings, thoughts and behaviors in:

ourselves

other people

WHY should we validate?

It improves relationships!

Validation can show that:

We are listening.

We understand.

We are being nonjudgmental.

We care about the relationship.

Conflict is possible with decreased intensity.

Validation

A “How To” Guide to verbal and Nonverbal Validation

How can we validate others?

Actively Listen. Make eye contact and stay focused.

Be mindful of both nonverbal and verbal reactions in order to avoid invalidation (e.g., rolling eyes; sucking teeth; walking away; saying, “That’s stupid,” “Don’t be sad,” or “I don’t care what you say”).

Observe what the other person is feeling in the moment. Look for a word that describes the feeling.

Reflect the feeling back without judgment. The goal is to communicate that you under-stand how the other person feels (e.g., “It makes sense that you’re angry,” “I Understand that you are having a rough time right now”) (for self, “I have the right to feel sad”).

Show tolerance! Look for how the feelings, thoughts and actions make sense, given the other person’s (or your) history and current situation, even if you don’t approve of the behaviors, emotions, or actions themselves.

Respond in a way that shows you are taking the other person seriously (with or without words). If someone is crying, give a tissue or a hug. If someone is presenting a problem, start problem solving immediately (unless the person wishes merely to be heard).

Homework:

Take a few minutes and read/absorb the above.