All I want is peace, to not be afraid anymore. I desperately wanted to find my place on this earth, to laugh and smile with others who truly wanted to be my friends. But I feel tainted, cursed and abandoned like something has a hold of me and is tearing me apart mentally and physically. I’m tired and I don’t want to wake up in this dark place no more.
I tried, but I don’t have much fight left, I just want peace and I want to feel what true happiness feels like.
I guess what I’m saying is that I’m ready, ready to go. Ready to leave this sorry excuse of a life far, FAR behind.
Written by
harv_singh
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When you feel as you are now it can be really hard to imagine a life where you feel any different. I know this because I've been where you are on more than one occasion.
Things CAN be better, if you want them to be. You just need to take tiny, baby steps.
Hello Harv and welcome to this supportive community. I am so sorry that you feel so down at the moment but there are people who care about you, just read the two posts from members who have responded to you. When you feel like this there are numbers you can ring and support out there for you 24/7. Have you spoken with the Crisis support helpline that you will find on the 'Pinned posts' or the Samaritans on 116 123. Also so many of our members are very caring people and they will speak with you in the 'chat' or on private message section. Please don't forget you are not alone.
Speak to a health professional as soon as you can, they can help. Do you have a GP or other health professional that has helped you in the past?
I feel exactly same way but the only fight I have is not to let anyone else suffer in any way as I got complex traumatic stress disorder what ever disorder adult ADHD emotionally unstable left to it basically DonT GIVE UP THIS AS THEN ITS A KNOCK ON EFFECT belive me I no I do my best but I'm saying you are not alone
My heart goes out to you today as I too have also been in that dark place where you feel so down that not even a very large industrial crane would be able to hoist you back up!!
I posted a similar message to someone today who is feeling a bit like you. I once read online (when I was in my dark hole and grasping at anything and everything to try and rid myself of this pain) that "suicide is a short-term solution to a long-term problem"..in other words there is help there. There is nothing that cannot be fixed.
My friend hanged herself 5 years ago at the age of 43 and there is not a day goes by when I don't miss her and wonder if I (and her other friends and family) could have done more. i wonder how she would be today if she had stayed and just tried a bit harder to get herself better. She left behind a six year old daughter, 3 brothers, a mum and dad and lots of friends. She will ever know the devastation and heartbreak she left behind when she took her own life and this will remain with all of us for the rest of our lives!!..She just got to a place where she just did not want help.
But there is time for you. You DONT need to get to that place!!
Please look to get yourself better and believe that it is possible. Just talking and definitely a SMALL thing every day is enough to be getting on with.
You are NOT and NEVER will be alone. There are people who love you and don't want you to leave. Please seek out the help you are entitled to. There is no shame in asking for help and hopefully this time next year you will look back on this as a very bad experience....(as I myself am doing today!!).
Take it from someone who knows. I have been in your shoes. Always here for a chat if you like....
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Trying for a happier life
Trying to start over *trigger warning*
Had enough of helping and trying 
I give up *trigger warning*
