i Don’t think I can do this all anymore? I’ve tried.

[M_young]

Guys I just wanna update you all. Erm.. I don’t know what to do anymore. Im just so alone and I’ve tried, I really have. But I’m so sad. There’s too many reasons why and I can’t deal with it. I don’t see anything for me in the he future. I really am trying. In school I feel liike absolute crap. They treat me horribly and everyones just so nasty and just, just. They don’t get me no one does. No one knows what goes through my head. No one understands and I can’t make them understand if I don’t understand myself. I wish I wasn’t in this place. I just wish I could be happy, like so so happy. Ide love it. And I wish I had real friends. I don’t know anymore at all. I’ve tried and tried and tried and done my best. But I. I give up, I’ve given up. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m a nobody, Everyone hates me!

[Missy_D]

You don't say what country you are in but there are plenty of options. In the pinned posts you have crisis support helplines that you can call. Sometimes just talking to someone who has empathy as well as sympathy can go a long way to helping you see through this dark and difficult time. Stay strong x

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello M_young

So sorry you feel this way. Can you tell us how you came to be in this situation. Could you let us know how old you are?

Missy_D is right there is support here and talking may help. There should be someone at your school that can help either a teacher or a counsellor. Do you have family or friends that you can talk with?

It sometimes helps to write things down, or even write things in poetry.

You can go to your doctor and explain how you are feeling.

The Samaritans have a 24hr freephone helpline 116 123.

Please do get back to us with more about how you are as our members are very supportive and may have experiences that could helpful

Best wishes

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello M_young

Please can I Offer you my apologies, you do say your age previously. So ignore my question about that. We would like it if you tell us more about you though.

Best wishes

[M_young in reply to MAS_Nurse]

There just so much to talk about say. But no one understands. No one will ever know how I feel. I just hate everything. U should read the other comments and what I have replied back there is a lot of stuff.

[Missy_D in reply to M_young]

We want to help but it just isn't possible to go searching through other posts to try and build a picture up of what you are struggling with and how we can help. Clearly Waderingwallflower has a better handle in it all and the advice is sound so hopefully you can take comfort from that x

[M_young in reply to Missy_D]

No I wrote to the wanderingwallflower account literally everything that I felt ina long para and tbh I don’t know what to do from there. I’ve said how I’ve felt and literally said everything but nothings helping so?

[wallflower_fairy]

Dear M_young,

Hi it's me again from your last post.

Before responding to this one, I wanted to first acknowledge the reply you sent to my comment the other day. Thankyou for your feedback. I want to applaud your bravery for being so open and going into more detail. I've been meaning to reply but needed time to process everything you said and think about the most appropriate response. Unfortunately I have a few health issues which mean that this can take longer for me to do, and I don't like posting a reply unless I feel I've done it justice. I hope you understand.

I'm sorry you're continuing to struggle so much and feel so close to giving up. I know you're dealing with a lot and it must be over whelming. I want you to know that you ARE worth it, and you owe it to yourself to get the help you need and deserve.

I don't quite know what you mean specifically about giving up - whether it's to stop reaching out, and working toward what you dream in life, or whether by "giving up" you mean suicide - so I am concerned. If you ever feel you're at immediate risk to yourself, please seek emergency help, or ring a suggested Helpline.

A while back, I came across the post of another young lady who was close to giving up, and this was my reply to her, as it is to you:

"I wish I knew what to say to make it better for you. All I can think of is that however bad it may seem: one day you, and everyone else, will be gone and our suffering will have ended - it will be over. You're not subjected to this suffering forever.

With that in mind, try to find something positive while you are alive - even if it's only a little thing, like the sounds of birds singing. Would they not be worth staying even just extra day for?

I know none of us can stop you if it's what you've decided, but just remember that for as long as you're alive, there will always be hope that you can find happiness. However tiny that hope is, it's precious and nothing can take it away. But if you end it, that hope will diminish altogether - and it's irretrievable.

If you decide to end it: that's it, it can't be undone. But if you decide to stay an extra day, and maybe an extra day after that, you're still not ruling out the possibility of ending it (which is inevitable for all of us anyway). People can find joy and co exist with the most excruciating pain; moreover, pain can help us to realise what's important to us.

You're a beautiful, strong, unique person; there will be never be another you. You deserve your chance at happiness.

Just think about it."

I know you're really struggling now, but I want to remind you of the one thing I can be certain of, aside from our mortality, and that is this: Change.

In life, there is constant change. While it may seem bad right now, you won't be 16, or at school, forever. Your family won't have control over you forever, in so far as them having legal authority over you. (I understand it's not that simple and realise they may still try to maintain control - and it's difficult because of the emotional attachment we have with our family - and this is something I wanted to discuss in your other post.)

I know it's really tough at the moment, and sure, some of the time it may just be a case of you having to "hang in there" and survive - the way you have been doing for so long now, as far back as you being 11. And, yes, that's a very long period of time. So, later down the line, you probably will have to mourn for the experiences you'll have missed out on growing up, such as celebrating your birthday (with people outside of family). But you'll still be able to embrace the rest of your life, and think how much stronger you'll be having experienced all of this. Your present circumstances don't necessarily determine where you will be in the future. None of us know what's around the corner, or what wonderful things could be in store for us. Our scars, whether visible or not, show us where we've been, but they don't show where we're going.

I know you may not know who you are at the moment - but that's okay. I know you at least have some idea of who you are - because you've told us what you want to do in the future, what you value, and what you enjoy doing. You have demonstrated a core sense of resilience by being able to carry on, and bravely reaching out for support, in spite of all the hardship you've been facing.

You will develop a more solid sense of identity as you grow, and you will be able to mould and hone that sense of self over time. Our identity isn't something that's completely fixed - it's a process.

In the meantime, try to find something good in everyday, like I mentioned in my old reply, even if on some days you have to look extra hard. And remember, each passing day is a tiny step further in the right direction, to being able to look back at this time of your life as being a distant memory.

Sending warmth and comfort,

ww xx

[Stilltrying_ in reply to wallflower_fairy]

Lovely reply wandering wallflower. I remember when I was in a desperate place what hope and support your reply gave me a few times. Just wanted to aknowledge that and say that it really did make a huge difference to me as I think you "get it", and I hope your reply is also able to help this young lady who is in such a dark place at the moment.

These things can and do pass. I am now healthy, after a lifetime of depression caused by my family upbringing. So just to tell other folks too. I am 60 now. Change and improvement is possible and it's worth it to hang around and experience that. x

[Bettybright]

You have had some wonderful thoughtful and thought provoking replies (I've taken from them myself). I'm 61 now and when I was 17 I had to have counselling and medication. I was a mess. I got as low as you sound. Somehow I battled on. Life has not been all happy hearts and flowers but I'm now a grandma and the thought of not being around to have my kids and therefore the grandkids makes me feel soooo grateful that i stuck it out and held on to that glimmer of a better future. You are precious and you are the foundation of someone else's future.

Make a note: you reached out and you were heard. WE care and want you to come through this rough time with hope for a brighter future. Never feel alone or that no-one cares. I do ❤