Letting go

Should I just die? I’m really tired and nothing seems to work.

[hypercat54]

Hi I felt like that a few times and once I decided I was just going to decline naturally so spent a few days in bed wishing I wasn't here.

Then I had to use the toilet and eat and drink so got up and because I was so bored turned the telly on and came in here. I ended up laughing at myself for being such a prat!

You don't decline naturally as it's not as easy as that. I have found it easier and less painful to seek reasons to go on living rather than the pain of dying. It's all too much trouble and needs too much planning. I don't believe there are any painless ways of doing it anyway.

I don't know your circumstances or what country you are from so can't really help with any practical advice but I presume you have seen a doctor for medical help? x

[Stilltrying_ in reply to hypercat54]

Brilliant reply Hypercat ! I'm with you there ! Me too I planned to do it quite meticulously and in my case I'm pretty sure it would have worked as I went to a lot of trouble researching it all. However as you say there are no guarantees it will work; life and death doesn't usually happen in an all or nothing way (we learn to realise). Me too I took the decision to put everything into carrying on living, and I'm not sorry that I did. Move to now..... and guess what? I'm feeling much better than before and I can honestly say that to others, that there is hope and life CAN get better XXX

[hypercat54 in reply to Stilltrying_]

Thank you Gemma it is very kind of you to say that. I too had plans to do it meticulously but like you said there are no guarantees.

I also did the same as you ie put my energies into living and finding and learning what I needed to have a better life. I am mainly glad I did.

I am glad you are feeling so much better. x

[Hidden]

Tell us more, what’s going on?

[Foof]

Well you could.

You would have to work out how to achieve it, my thing would have been no pain, or not surviving with a self inflicted disability. Paracetamol overdose can cause a very slow painful death months after you had that moment.

And then there are all the people you leave behind with the pain of losing you. I could do that to my children, leave them with a mental health issue in waiting because their mother committed suicide. Children with that legacy don’t really get over it. Don’t let your mind kid you that know one will be bothered. It will have a huge impact.

Quite a lot of the time our mind is telling us we should die...or more to the point, just give up. Stop trying. Nothing works. There is only more heartache ahead, more struggling. Why bother? Why put yourself through that when you don’t have the energy or the strength.

I wanted to just stop. Stop feeling. Be asleep permanently.

But then, maybe you will feel better in a few days, maybe the sun will be shining and you won’t feel so low. You will look at the trees and the grass...still growing...nothing stops Mother Nature getting through those cracks in the pavement.

The feeling of my warm bed and how lucky I am to have it. And that cup of tea, really enjoying its simplicity. That my body works, my legs take me where I need to go and my eyes can see the colours of sunshine and blue sky.

Sometimes we just need to ignore the mind, because it’s not our friend. Pretend to be a small baby again and find wonder in everything we see.

Yes, you will still be tired and yes you will probably feel like this again, but those trees are still growing and needed and so are you.

[Hidden]

Hiya, so sorry to hear that you are struggling. Please keep posting on this forum. There are some inspirational people on here who have shown that things can get better and you never know what the future holds, so please don't give up. We all need each other and we want you to stay safe. Take care,

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi SalmaMousa77, Welcome to our supportive community! As you have seen already, folks here are only too willing to come alongside each other and offer advice, encouragement and support. Your question is very sad and loaded! I think many of us have had days and periods in our lives when dying seems more preferable to living, and trying to answer the Big questions in life about finding meaning and purpose in life are difficult to answer both individually and globally. Maybe it is finding one small thing in your day or life that gives you some hope, and grab onto it with both hands as a lifeline or anchor for your soul. Life does having meaning, it can be beautiful, it can also be very painful and full of disappointments. It's part of our human condition I'm afraid. But even in the darkest moments, I've found that a word, something I've read, something that catches my attention on TV, or that someone says, or a good memory, that if I choose to let it, is like a chink of light comes in and dispels the darkness.

But you are not alone in how you feel, and we are here for you with a listening ear. There will be people in your life who love you and value you, and without you in their lives, they would be the poorer, but with you they are the richer.

May I encourage you to have a chat with your doctor about how you are feeling and get some help?

Also keep our International Crisis Support Helpline information handy:

In the UK:

Samaritans Tel:116 123

NHS Choices: nhs.uk

NHS 111 for non-emergency medical advice.

NHS 999 Emergency medical help

SANEline: 0300 304 7000 (4.30pm – 10.30pm daily)

healthunlocked.com/mental-h...

Keep in touch. Do stay safe and take care of yourself.

Best wishes,

MAS Nurse

[arty40]

Hi only 6 weeks ago i was where you are the closest ive come to ending it in 5 years. Now although not perfect i feel alot better(i have to accept that my illness takes me to dark places). You will have a lift in your mood although id advise medical help as i (after prompting from a very worried friend)went to local hospital for help.

I wish you all the best

[Cara78]

Your body may not just die! Go out and try your best and do something! Take your mind off you and you may be happier.

Wish you well

We all need to make the most out a bad hand, it's achievable.

Xxxxx

[Hidden]

It's hard to keep going sometimes. When you fall into the black abyss. I've taken ods in the past 17 and 35, yrs ago. My brother took od with whisky when he was 37. He died alone in a farmerd field after 6 weeks. It had a devastating affect on my mum. My dad and I had given up on him a long time ago. A life of prison for petty crime.

I'm sure you have people who care about you. Contact gp and get crisis apt with mental health. I found writing and drawing helped me. I still have written pieces and artwork I did when I was at my worst. I am now 60. I was correctly diagnosed with bipolarIl in 2015. In the last 3yrs I have gone back to college and uni, achieving an MA in Fine Art in September 2017. I have found it difficult mentally since I finished, I have arthritis and stenosis in spine, and battling the DWP for more points. Just don't give up please, you are worth being here, get help, refocus when you are feeling better and you will be OK. Take care. X