Rock bottom.

[Snowman90]

Hi,

I'm here hoping to seek some advice. To be honest I'm not sure where to start, just basically feel I'm at my limit.

As a kid I've always been reserved and shy although never felt it really affected me mentally or physically.

I am now 27 years old (28 in June) and I've really hit the bottom. In 2015 my ex decided to break up with me and move into a new relationship after 9 years of being together. although I really hate to admit it but the breakup took a massive toll on me.

3 years down the line and I'm no better. A lot of this is down to me and I take a lot of responsibility for the break up and the state I have gotten myself into post breakup. Really dint handle it well as I quit my job which was steady and ever since been in and out of work.

I used cannabis a lot during this time to the point where I have an obvious addiction. My lifestyle has become dangerous as I hardly sleep and when I feel low can go 3 or 4 days without eating anything. I've also noticed my mental state get worse as I'm constantly low and have few 'high/happy' moments in life. I have high levels of anxiety and sometimes I'm scared to leave my house. I just quit a job as the thought of going out everyday into A office full of people started to scare me and just couldn't face it.

I made the choice recently to move to Manchester 100+ miles away from my family in the hope to redescover myself. But have found myself in a darker place.

Really don't know what to do anymore as recently I have had suicidal thoughts. I've accepted what's happend has happend but am struggling to be myself again and get my life back on track.

Sorry for the rant and apologise if this is not relevant to the forum. I am just looking for some advice and maybe some stories of people beating there depression.

Thanks in advance

Snowman

[PNIAuthor60]

Welcome to the community Snowman90, it is a marvelous place of some pretty incredible people, each of us with our own story and path of recovery willing to come alongside others who are also struggling to comfort, support and encourage them along their path.

Why were you reluctant to admit the impact it had on you? It really was a devastating experience I can only imagine having committed your heart to this person for nearly a decade.

Check out the Pinned Posts and the Crisis Support Hotlines - reach out to people who may be able to help you.

Have you ever considered grieving the loss of this relationship? A trained therapist could help you with this.

Feeling low and not eating is a bad rut to get into. Our brain needs nutrition to function properly.

Traumatic experiences change us in many ways, it might not be possible to return to the person you once were, but if you find the help you need you could become a stronger and healthier person than you have ever been in the past.

I suffered with Depression until I was 44 years old because of circumstances in my life that I had no idea how to process from as far back as my childhood, but with therapy I learned things I didn't know about how these situations affected me mentally, emotionally and physiologically. What I learned from my therapists helped me to make better choices for myself.

You won't be able to change the past, but learning how to come to terms with the impact of this breakup and the resulting addiction can help you create a better future for yourself. There is help and hope to be had.

I wish you well. Come back here anytime you feel the need.

[Stilltrying_]

Hello Snowman. You need to make an appointment to see a doctor about these issues, mainly because hopefully if you've a good doctor they can refer you to other sources of help such as help with the cannabis addiction.

It sounds like you are in a really bad place at the moment as things have gone from bad to worse for you. You may have an underlying mental health problem such as bi-polar or major depressive order, or you may have suffered abuse, which counselling can deal with. Often people use cannabis as a form of self medication when they feel like this but unfortunately it escalates any problem you may have and people have even gone from being non psychotic to developing a psychosis because of smoking cannabis. I am not saying this will happen to you but it will significantly worsen any depression you have so you really need to be cutting right down on this.

Your body and mind are not getting the correct nutrition at the moment and this again will worsen your mental state. Why is it you don't eat for three days? Are you not hungry? It sounds like you have a chaotic lifestyle which won't be helping things but there will be an underlying reason for this such as the previously mentioned possible abuse in the past or an underlying mental illness, so this is why you need to get professional help. You should also try to get into a regular eating regime and stick to "real food" rather than burgers and chips or pizzas or crisps. I write this because the temptation when you're not feeling good is to go for takeaway food as it's more accessible but you need to make healthy choices such as a sandwich or if it has to be a ready meal then make it a nutritionally balanced one such as a chicken dinner or a fish platter which you can put in the microwave (if you have one?) Jacket potatoes are easy to cook in the microwave. You could have one with tuna (cold) mixed up with a small amount of mayonnaise. This will help fill your stomach and make you feel mentally a bit stronger. Cereal (but not a sugary one; try muesli) and milk is good if you don't have much inclination to eat. It is easily digested and nutritional. Toast is also a good one as that is easy to digest. Just try eating little bits as anything will help.

I'm sure you've heard of Samaritans but I just wanted to point out that they are there as are we. You can write on here as much as you want except that if you write any swear words or make it clear in any message that you are in imminent danger to yourself or others. The reason why the mods don't allow posts like that is that we are in the end not professional workers and we could inadvertently say the wrong thing to someone in that very vulnerable state of mind. Also some people reading can respond badly to reading of someone else's imminent danger or if in a very vulnerable state themselves could inadvertently be influenced by some of the information in the post if you understand what I mean? You have not done this at all in this post but the reason why I've written this is just so you know that you can write extremely freely except for those couple of things.

I felt suicidal for at least two years and wrote up frequently on here though no details of method or dates or suchlike though. Thank God I got better and am now here to support others. I'm living proof that your life can improve once set onto the correct path.

Sending you the warmest wishes. Please do feel free to give more information and detail as I think just expressing yourself and having people listen and understand is a big part of recovery.

Gemmalouise X

[BesaDeBishop]

Snow,

Please seek out Dr., therapist, or counselor to help you.

While you search, I think reaching out here is a great thing to do.

For me, typing about my issues helps.

I lost a girl I loved years ago. We only dated abut 6 months.

In my case it probably saved me from a life of frustration. She was a sneaky one.

Keep posting here while you seek out help. Please hang in there and don't hurt yourself.

I used to drink too much and it altered my brain's chemistry. Since quitting booze, my brain is returning to a more normal state.

Quitting drinking and exercise have changed my reality to a more rosey outlook.

I am older, but I am still trying to improve everyday. I try to remain open minded and learn from others.

I still have my foundation beliefs, but I try to listen to others as it provides new opportunities and areas of interest.

Please work to be well. Don't give up.

Thanks.

[Vince2]

Hi Snowman,

See message above, ref. nutrition as this I have discovered after a lifetime of depression is a very under rated issue in regard to depression. Eating is often an issue but I think it is very difficult and perhaps a mistake to separate mental well-being from physical wellness. So take little steps at first. Try to eat well (time of eating is also an issue), sleep as best you can and start to exercise. I say this as someone who knows that depression can remove all your physical strength so you will need help, be that from your doctor and family and friends. And you will have friends and support on this site. A lot of people here will understand. Take care. Vince