Feeling Despondent and Sinking Lower

[En1234]

I find myself newly out of work and have been working full-time since I was 16. I am now approaching 51. I have had no breaks in my employment other than to have my son, who is now 19.

I worked as a Secretary and can only say that in my last employment I HAD to leave. I was working alongside someone who I can only describe as toxic. She made my life miserable at every turn. If I was not at home crying, I was in the toilets at work in tears such was the misery this one person inflicted on me. I couldnt even go the the boss as she was his Secretary and he thought the sun shone out of her behind. I managed to get myself another job but after one week there I realised this was a very bad choice I had made. Between travelling and not being used to the PC systems etc and the fact that my confidence was in shreds before I even got there, I felt it was only fair to just leave. I am now unemployed, terrified and actually feel afraid to leave the house. I did go to my GP who arranged a follow-up appointment for me but on the day I was supposed to see him, HE called in sick to the surgery and he is still off sick. I dont know any of the other GPs.

I have had one interview and was told this morning I was unsucessful. I have registered with agencies, applied online. I am told I am doing "all the right things" but I am not getting anywhere. I know there are people who have been out of work for months and cant get anything. This is actually only the 3rd day of my fourth week but I am already feeling suicidal. It doesnt help when you have do-gooders telling you that you are stupid for leaving a job after a week. These people are/were not in my shoes, they dont feel the panick I am feeling every minute of every day because I dont know whats around the corner.. I did not really WANT my life to be like this today. I could have stayed in that septic office until the day came when I totally snapped and either murdered my ex-work mate or took a nervous breakdown and had to be carted away to the looney bin, or I could have walked away. I chose to walk away but yes...i am terrified!! XXX

[Stilltrying_]

* Please see my reply to your other post. Sending hugs. xxx

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi En1234, and welcome to the forum. Please also see my reply to your other post.How are you feeling now? Please remember that you are not alone. You are most welcome to post in this caring forum and we will try to support you as much as we can. I think it would be a good idea for you to see one of the doctors at the surgery who will be able to offer help and support. Is there a friend who could go along to the appointment to support you? It may also help to write down how you are feeling.

In the meantime, if you are feeling distressed, please call the Samaritans

The Samaritans

Freephone 116 123

24 hour helpline

7 days a week

Keep posting and take care.

Thank you and best wishes.