i'm not sure if i need help for my bad habits

[Kessa]

Hi guys,

It's nice to meeting you all. I'm not sure if it's the right place here because I don't suffer from depression but I don't know where I could write about this. I'm writing here because after having mild "food issues" in the past I lost interest in everything and I just enjoy being on those "Pro- Ana" websites or watching weight-related tv shows, eating disorders videos or shows which promote poor coping skills and are not good for my self-esteem.

I'm obsessed with very skinny people and with shows on disordered eating. I like to watch how other people eat and compare it to my habits. I love making food journals or having strange eating habits (drinking just tea for a few hours, eating 'clean or organic food', replacing food with liquids, cutting some categories of food out)

After looking at this stuff I desire to be thinner and I feel worse about my appearance. I'm also struggling with anxiety in social situations so It's hard for me to connect with people so I try to connect with people online because it's the only way I can feel connected without being forced to talk to strangers or start conversations and feel embarassed all the time.

I don't know if it's normal to spend so many hours a day on these websites or if I should talk to someone about this. it's like I putting myself in a bad mindset by looking for triggers that are not good for me but I don't know how to stop.

Do you look for triggering stuff when suffering from Eds, depression, anxiety,ecc?

Any advice on how to fight triggers?

Any comment is appreciated

[Hidden]

Hi you certainly suffer from anxiety and maybe from depression as well. The only advice I can give you is to see your doctor and get a firm diagnosis. They can offer help and this is what you need. x

[Kessa in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Coughalot2! I will talk to my Gp, i just hope she won't laugh at me

Thank you for this community, it is very supportive!

[Hidden]

Hi, you probably have posted in the correct place to be honest. I had eating disorders from 9 years old off and on, I completely stopped eating at 9 for about a year but looking back it was depression and not fitting in. I struggled a lot of my life with food, I either don't eat enough or eat too much. I used to put on weight very easily and wondered how others could eat normally and not! Sounds strange but was true. I think sometimes it's the only thing you can control around you and it's hard to explain that to others. Anxiety is also closely linked to it and it can cross over to a bit of OCD around food issues also. I actually found out I had a thyroid condition which I am not saying you have but that was the answer for me as I was putting weight on more easily than others so at times had to literally starve myself to maintain a normal body weight but also I went through phases of not even thinking of food when I was very depressed. I would say instead of choosing to do this focus on trying to get as much healthy things into your system as possible. That in itself will help your body and maybe eventually ease some anxiety also. It's a slow process that can take years but it's about re training your attitude towards food in every aspect and then other things start to follow. It may also be an idea to instead of going to these websites where people are obviously in the midst of it trying to talk to people who can help. It's tough but got to be at your pace. It's about stepping back from the harmful aspects of food choice and the obsessive bits and helping your body with good stuff. When I was very little my dad used to grow loads of vegetables and we ate loads of fresh veg and fruit and also raw vegetables and I remember how healthy I felt and full of energy but it all changed and my relationship with food went on a destructive path after that. Once the veg garden went and the age of the microwave and processed foods came in lol. Hope things work out for you and get better x

[Kessa in reply to Hidden]

Hi katiekatie,

I so sorry to hear that you are struggling since you were 9. If it's difficult for me i can only imagine how it was for you. I maybe know which thyroid problem it is because my partner has something similar and put on weight easily. If I eat healthy and without restricting I m in the normal range for my age and I don't put on weight easily but to stay in the range of weight that is ideal for me yes, i have to restrict or at least to cut some food out. I have also digestive problems which doesn't help because I have to eat as ' clean' as possible (which is one of my obsessions lol)

Thank you for the precious advices, regarding the website I know I should be on recovery sites, I was once but I felt I wasn't at that point yet. All the " Ed destroyed my life" thing that most people say it's simply not true in my case, maybe because I just have mild issues. I feel actually better when i m on restrictive diet.

Thank you so much again for sharing your story, I really appreciate all the support and I m glad that you are a little bit better, i know it's a long road to recovery.

xx

[Fi68]

You could maybe try and not search for those websites, not look at the tv shows and not watch the videos. If these are triggering for you it is best that you avoid them, now that you have identified that they do trigger you. Try and build up the amount of time you can go without engaging in this behaviour. Surf the urge. Go to your GP and be honest with them about what exactly you are doing, they can then refer you to the best service.

[Kessa in reply to Fi68]

Thank you very much Fi68 for the support I will try to fight the urge and I m registering to the doctor so i hope to get an appointment soon.

[chloe40]

Welcome to Action on Depression, we're so pleased you have found our friendly, supportive Forum. Please acquaint yourself with our Community Guidelines on the right hand side of this page under pinned posts.

Chloe

[Kessa in reply to chloe40]

Thank you

[mysmugcat]

Hello.I have had anorexia and likely other EDs. I can switch into this behaviour you say, say I have put on weight or worry about it I then can look on pro ana sites. Luckily not for long. I have other issues pressing at the moment. PM me anytime I will reply when I can. I take anti depressants and have had lots of counselling. I still struggle. If you look on my profile I am also on ED groups on here.

[Kessa in reply to mysmugcat]

Thank you very much mysmugcat I appreciate that you wrote I can PM you, the same for you pm me anytime you want. I' m happy I found such friendly people. It' s not a common thing.

Wow, i didn't know there were any other groups other than depression!

I wish u the best with your counseling I know it's difficult but i m glad you found some help I know i have also other issues other than ed, i need to talk to my gp about social anxiety as well..