Bit of a nervous breakdown

[charlieab]

I feel like Ive been pushed/ slipped frighteningly close to the edge. Im being treated for a blood clotting disorder; and have severe tinnitus; brain lesions and cysts, vanishing vision, legs which keep turning purple, swollen hands etc etc.

And this Friday Im going to find out if I have scleroderma as well (which is on average fatal within a couple of years of diagnosis though many folk with it can live a good long time.).

Each time I think I have started to get to grips with what has happned, it gets worse or another condition gets added. And am (maybe not surprisingly) in the throws of severe depresion, anxiety and OCD.

I want to find a wa y back but have been avoiding friends because ... well Im not really sure why. I draw up lists of what to do (eg exercise) and then feel too depresesd to do these things. So thought if I post here a few things i plan to do then I might feel more motivated to do them. Though not sure why.

so here is my list. and will then post iif I have done them.

30 mins exercise a day, meditation once a day, 4 fruit and veg and fish and nuts each day, 8 glasses of water, contact (email or phone) a friend every day, and dont get stressed with follk (however infuriating they are). And do soemthing fun every day even if it doesnt feel fiun for now.

maybe others want to post their lists?

[monicrt80]

Hello friend!

I'm sorry you are suffering so many physical symptoms. I commend you for attempting to sort things out even though out and having some positive ideas to keep yourself away from stepping over the edge. I think writing out lists is great, I also do this but unfortunately never follow through. I've decided input really important daily items into my calendar then mark them as completed or repeat the task for the next day. My lists are currently more self care (shower, eat, brush teeth, etc) along with trying to leave the house, shopping, drive my own vehicle and other household chores.

PS, I also avoid most contact with anyone outside of my immediate family but like you it's hard to speak with anyone that doesn't understand how much we've been through. I sincerely hope this helps or at least gives you another idea of how to accomplish daily goals.

[charlieab in reply to monicrt80]

Hi and thanks for reply. Hope you are doing ok atm. Before I had depression for first time in life last year, I never understood how folk could fiund it hard to shower etc. But now i understand 100%. Im almost amazed at how these things use to be so easy and enjoyable. I hope that your self-care is doing ok. Do you have any activities that you really enjoy and feel able to do? Its a bit of a dream (since find it hard to get out of bed atm) but Im hoping to learn to sail a little dinghy (as will be near sea soon: see below). Funny thing is that idea of sailing seems less daunting tahn idea of having a shave today!.

Leaving the house can be hard I know when feeling low. But I know that not leaving can make things a lot worse. Im in an isolated rural area atm and cant drive. But hope to move soon to a flat overlooking the beach in a small town. And as luck would have it, the local Mind group depession and anxiety support group will be a short walk way. Ive already been to the group[ a few times in anticipation of moving. And they are very nice group and Im lookinhg forward to having them on the doorstep. Also the town is on mainline to London and so hope that friends will be able to pop down and visit.

take care and best of luck.

R

[sweetiepye]

Hello Charlieab, I also have a number of health issues and am considered a 'high risk' patient.It's so encouraging when your Doctor tells you that. I am also a list maker and a planner because I need something to focus on. I have had some success and setbacks. As soon as one thing improves another problem pops up. All in all I am better off than I was a year ago although progress is much slower than I would like. I would say to you that you are going in the right direction but perhaps taking on too much. Small successes accumulate into bigger ones and you're more likely to complete smaller goals. Keep posting. Pam

[charlieab in reply to sweetiepye]

Hi sweetiepye

Thanks for your reply. Hope u doing ok today. What you say about small steps makes sense. Might go for a short run while the sun is and then a cup of tea and chocolate. The 4 fruit and veg can wait!

take care.

R

[charlieab in reply to charlieab]

PS not really sure how but your post and replying to it seems to have eased some of the anxiety.

thanks

[Marylyn]

Charlieab you have all symptons of a vitamin b12 deficiency .If level is low below 450 it causes homocysteine an amino acid to rise I the body causing blood clots ,heart attacks ,& strokes.Many Drs are not aware of this fact.Vitaminb12. Can cause depression ,anxiety, dementia, bowel & gut disorders, falls, deafness,blindness.view videos on b12awareness.org to see there is Treatment I’d diagnosed early.

[charlieab]

Hi Marylyn

Thanks for info. It makes sense. But Ive been tested for vit b12 and that was fine. The consultant seems to think I have Hughes Syndrome and low dose aspirin has helped abit.

R

[Marylyn in reply to charlieab]

Sadly the serum b12 low range is grossly inaccurate ,I know this from personal experience as I have permanent hearing loss & nerve damage..2ndly Drs are not trained in nutrition nor recognising vitamin deficiencies.I saw 16 Drs including 7 specialists 2 brain & thyroid scans before a integrative Dr diagnosed me .Active b12,MMA ,homocysteine,vit d ,iron,folate,ferritin.If you are not eating red meat & animal products you are at high risk of Anaemia & vit b12 which is essential for nerve & blood maintenance.If not treated early It it leads to Pernicious Anaemia which is fatal.

[charlieab]

For my record, first day of trying to stick to list was not a great success! But, like Sweetiepye says, can do in small steps. Have put cross next to things on list managed today.

Biggest succes was not getting stressed with folk. One guy who works where I live is an alcoholic and takes drugs and can be pretty aggressive. That's one reason why I hope that I will be able to move to seaside soon (where have put offer on flat overlooking the beach).. Anyways, he came into one of the buildings and said "oh its you!", as we had recently had an argument. He was stoned out of his head. But, while the temptatioon was to tell him where to go, I made him a cup of tea and listened to him talk about how he was missing his GF. She had gone abroad, and Im not sure I really blame her. Anyways, after about 20 mins, I said I had better go and he said somthing like "oh, do u have to go yet!"

So not stressing and meeting druken stoned aggressive folk with tea seemd to leave everyone feeling better.

X30 mins exercise a day,

meditation once a day,

4 fruit and veg and

Xfish and nuts each day,

X8 glasses of water,

contact (email or phone) a friend every day,

Xand dont get stressed with follk (however infuriating they are).