Sometimes, I feel as if no matter how hard I try, things never ever work. And I mean that in a sense of relationships, plans, my life, everything. Nothing ever, ever works out. Maybe it’s my bad luck or karma eating me in the butt but I really need a break. I’ve been trying so so so hard with things lately. Trying to stay positive, trying to be here for others, trying to find a job, trying to keep my place, trying to keep my mental health on a good foundation but of course in my favor, everything goes downhill and I feel absolutely helpless with things.
My relationship is so messy right now. I feel like I’m giving my EVERYTHING and I’m getting so little in return. I literally have given all of my heart, all of my everything and my heart is breaking day by day as I feel like I’m nothing, I’m just a piece of trash that can be thrown away. Everything hurts. But surprisingly I’ve been able to actually hold it together when infront of others. I let it all out by myself but I’ve been able to put a front out and it helps with all the “what’s wrong. Talk to me” crap. Is not that easy. Not to me. I can’t just open up. I don’t know, that seems selfish.
I just feel like a total wreck right now.... I need guidance. For the first time in a very very long time, I prayed. I closed my eyes and I prayed. I prayed that my relationship would get healed, I prayed that I’d find a job, I prayed for everything that was wrong in my life right now and in tears, I smiled. I smiled because I felt at ease. I felt my heart just calm, I was able to breathe. All the weight that I felt on my shoulders were lifted off. I prayed so hard. Every time a tear would roll down my eye, it was like every problem left my mind, left my life. I asked for guidance. I know I’ll be okay.... but I just have to keep telling myself that.
Love & blessings,