Tired

[lil_avocado]

Sometimes, I feel as if no matter how hard I try, things never ever work. And I mean that in a sense of relationships, plans, my life, everything. Nothing ever, ever works out. Maybe it’s my bad luck or karma eating me in the butt but I really need a break. I’ve been trying so so so hard with things lately. Trying to stay positive, trying to be here for others, trying to find a job, trying to keep my place, trying to keep my mental health on a good foundation but of course in my favor, everything goes downhill and I feel absolutely helpless with things.

My relationship is so messy right now. I feel like I’m giving my EVERYTHING and I’m getting so little in return. I literally have given all of my heart, all of my everything and my heart is breaking day by day as I feel like I’m nothing, I’m just a piece of trash that can be thrown away. Everything hurts. But surprisingly I’ve been able to actually hold it together when infront of others. I let it all out by myself but I’ve been able to put a front out and it helps with all the “what’s wrong. Talk to me” crap. Is not that easy. Not to me. I can’t just open up. I don’t know, that seems selfish.

I just feel like a total wreck right now.... I need guidance. For the first time in a very very long time, I prayed. I closed my eyes and I prayed. I prayed that my relationship would get healed, I prayed that I’d find a job, I prayed for everything that was wrong in my life right now and in tears, I smiled. I smiled because I felt at ease. I felt my heart just calm, I was able to breathe. All the weight that I felt on my shoulders were lifted off. I prayed so hard. Every time a tear would roll down my eye, it was like every problem left my mind, left my life. I asked for guidance. I know I’ll be okay.... but I just have to keep telling myself that.

Love & blessings,

Aly

[Sonny216]

Hi Aly,

Boy I can relate.

Seems I was so close to having my life back from a previous, hellish, gut wrenching Life-Tip-Over.

I had a good paying job, in sunny Florida, away from a former life that was abusive.

One day I had to find a new place to live with my dog - very hard to because they claim he's on the unfriendly-dog list. Well, found the Best place, really excited..would move in within a week..But

Next day I went to work, I was told I was being let go. My heart crashed, I felt my insides die..and silently heard God say to me ; Trust Me.

I prayed, and been praying since.

There's a reason for things. Suffering builds in us things we could never get elsewhere. After which, it's these very things that people will need to help them get through THEIR despairing time as we share with them the beautiful Grace WE found, like pearls and precious jewels. It's called a gentle spirit, a compassionate heart, a loving soul, a strong shoulder and plenty of Mercy.

Love to you - keep going on, keep going on. Just when you feel you can't go on anymore....Go On !

Hugs and Life to you

Sonny

[lil_avocado in reply to Sonny216]

I read your post. I’m so sorry things are so hard for you right now. I was reading and in tears, I thought I had it bad. I feel so grateful for the roof over my head and the woman I am with that works hard for me while I try to find a job. I’m grateful for awesome in laws that welcome us with open arms if we need to stay with them. I know how it feels to have a mom and dad that’s abusive all the way around and feel alone. I sometimes feel like the world is against me. I can also understand about your beloved dog. My cats mean the world to me and if I can’t pay my bills and get kicked out of the place I’m in, I have to give my two kittens away... (im a cat lady) lol

I’m always here if you need someone to talk to. You can always message me!!! If you feel so alone and so hopeless, I’m a really good listener!!

Love& blessings!

[Clarebear86]

Thanks for sharing Aly. I hope things start to improve for you. I hate making plans at the minute, as they just don’t seem to go my way, for instance I wanted to go ice skating on New Year’s Eve with my daughter. We got there and they said they weren’t selling any more tickets, I wanted to take my husband to a cafe I had been with a friend, it closed early. I just feel like there is some sort of conspiracy where I try to do something and someone knows and does there best to stop it from happening. Now instead of beating myself up about it I just try and accept it for what it is and move on. Take care.

[lil_avocado in reply to Clarebear86]

Thank you❤️ I hope everything is going good for you.