I am new to this forum. It's good to see a lot of people here share their stories, so i love to share mine too.
I'm 22, male. I don't know if this is called depression or what. It feels like i'm pitying myself for being alone, but i have no interest on building a relationship right now. I was and i am a taciturn. I mostly talk to someone if there is something really need to talk and rarely ask about someone's condition. Not because i don't care, but i don't want to be nosy. That's why i don't have lot of friends.
I do have a few (church, office, ex-office, high school friends), but they are just 'friends'. The last time i have a buddy, he was at the end cancelling lot of meetings with me. He has his own community, and spending a lot of time with them. I know it is completely his right to do anything he like. And i take it as a error in me, demanding someone to be in close to me for every time. I'm sure he didn't know that i was taking it quite seriously. I've been letting go the feeling a few times, hoping that he wouldn't repeat the same thing, but i've been let down every time. I don't hate him, i just feel like 'we are going to be just ordinary friend.'
I can say that I honestly do still help my friends when they are in need, i'm not hating them, but i feel like i'm not eager to building another new relationship.
So slowly i put distance on him, and sadly putting myself away from instagram (my main social interaction), including the only girl i love since i was kiddo. It just feels like 'okay, i can live alone without any friend."
I do know that i'm surrounded by people who care for me. But for me, it helps nothing. On the other side, i know that my expectation of looking for 'true friend' is somehow too high and maybe only happen in movie/tale.
I don't know if i'm growing up to be this kind of person. I don't really care about building the connections for marketplace, or another money-making things. I do say that having a less good quality of relationship is better than having a lot but looks fake.
So, here is my story. I could add more details but it's gonna be a super long one then.