I'm Finally losing the ability to live...

[JuneShultz1011]

I'm sorry (I've made posts before) However, I'm so unstable. I'm just the most confused and unstable person I could ever imagine. Today, One Example, I want to move to Michigan and live in a peaceful suburban town, However, I feel so easily led, I've (40 minutes Later) Backed off that thought & I feel so completely down. Nothing in my life makes sense Like I'm eternally & spiritually trapped, Sometimes I long for a religious belief and realization and find myself wanting to be a ''Closed Minded'' type of person (Not disrespecting others but I just mean a handful) whom goes to church and follows the bible and stuff like that. I wanted to become famous, I wanted to spread messages of (Not Sure What) and become glorified, but I can't now. My mind has set its sights on nothing again. I'm just sinking, No-one cares to do anything about it, I can't go back to my hometown (I have been offered) but I've fallen out with a few 'Friends' and completely loathe the idea of returning solely for that reason. Yet Even there I'd have a deep trauma like now, I fear and over-react like that for instance. I'm on the verge of snapping and truanting school. Not sounding like anything big I know but this can't go on. It's not just Depression, It's not just Anxiety, It's much much much darker, Something that's eating me up. I can't speak to family, Counsellor or anybody, They listen, However just lower my concern or dismiss my concern for 'Normal Teenage' Feelings, Does every single teenager feel like Suicidal and absolutely Dead inside? Nope. I'm dying. Very Slowly, And painfully. Thank You All, You are a great comfort to know I'm not alone. Bless You, All. Xoxo (Forgot to mention) I find myself living my life through a dramatic character, Not sure whom or what, It's just something other, It makes things much easier, Nothing Physical or much like that changes but, I just find inside protected from this 'Character' I can life the life I want (For an Hour or Two) I just find that that person is Loved, Cared for, Traumatic but yet, So Beautiful and kind, Things I can never be. I laugh at horrible situations as a don't know how to deal with them deep down, It deeply angers me and confuses me, I just, Being depressed is making me bored and depressed, I always think I can never hit any lower, But as I now Know, With Depression, There's always a low, I find myself pushing potential friends away with no good reason, Basing everything on Lust and Physical beauty, I hate this, But It's who I am, A Potentially Narcissistic and Disgraceful person deep inside. I look up for instance to Madonna, She's so unbelievably strong and appeals to me greatly, I find myself so annoyed that I can't have had her life, Grown up in such a way, Lived here, Done That, Became this, Looked like that.

[marigold22]

Hi, I replied to you a couple of days ago in a different post you did. You said then that your mother has a thyroid illness. You could well have inherited it. As I said in my reply then, I'm also on the Thyroid section of Healthunlocked, from which I have learnt a massive amount. I now know that girls are more likely to inherit thyroid problems from their mothers. I would urge you to go to a doctor and ask for a thyroid blood test, and as many other blood tests that can be done. Preferably including TSH, FT4, FT3, vitamin B12, vitamin D, folate and ferritin. That's all the blood tests that are recommended. Low vitamin B12 for example can cause weird brain symptoms. I think you are in USA, so not sure about the cost. Hypothyroid (low thyroid gland hormones) can cause psychiatric type symptoms plus up to one hundred other psychological and physical symptoms. When I was very under medicated with my low thyroid, I had to go into a psychiatric unit as I thought I was going insane, but the doctors did absolutely no good as it was hypothyroid and they didn't even understand it. If you do manage to get those blood tests, please please join the Thyroid section here and write a post with those results. There is a scandal (as you will see from the Thyroid section) about the way thyroid illness is treated, both in the UK and in the US. Basically doctors, and even specialists, have not kept up to date with scientific research and are keeping patients ill with their treatment. Please do send me a Private Message if you would like more info or explanation. x x

[JuneShultz1011 in reply to marigold22]

Im In the UK, But thanks x

[marigold22 in reply to JuneShultz1011]

It's good you are in the UK. You must push to get those blood tests on the NHS. You have a real reason to get them - push your GP if he/she is reluctant. Thyroid illness is in your genes.

[JuneShultz1011 in reply to marigold22]

But I'm told by family I was tested as a child and it was clear...

[marigold22 in reply to JuneShultz1011]

Your body can change, particularly at puberty

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Juneshultz1011

Thank you for your post. It seems as if you are having an awful time at the moment, I am so sorry to hear about this.

You may need to talk to a doctor or supportive healthcare worker about how you are feeling.

You may also want to tell us how old you are?

If you look to the right of this message there are details about crisis helplines in the USA in the pinned posts.

Do take care

[JuneShultz1011 in reply to MAS_Nurse]

16.

[mysmugcat]

Just saying hi. Childline and kooth.com are also good sources of support. A friendly bunch here.

[JuneShultz1011 in reply to mysmugcat]

Hi & Thanks x Appreciate your help

[marigold22]

What on earth made you think of moving to Michigan???? You live in the UK and are aged 16.

[JuneShultz1011 in reply to marigold22]

It's the erratic Thoughts. I really don't make sense, I do at that time, I Just become so unstable in my thinking.

[marigold22]

With all due respect, the things you write make you seem like you have a very serious psychosis. However all new research is pointing to mental health illnesses having a physical illness behind them. They are now discovering that inflammation in the body has a massive amount to do with a multitude of illnesses, including mental health. Inflammation in the body, anywhere in the body, causes immune system illnesses. They are also now discovering that a multitude of illnesses start in the gut. Up to two years ago, I was completely insane, suicidal at times, thought I could conquer the world, massive highs, then massive lows. I saw two separate psychiatrists ten years apart. They were both a total waste of space. I've been to counselling & cognitive behaviour therapy stuff - they made me worse as both of those brought bad memories back in my consiousness. It turned out to be a physical illness. I am now fully recovered. It took a massive amount of research on my own part. Nobody else can do it for you. You have to do it yourself. You have to say to yourself "I can do this". And stop saying - Oh woe is me, I feel so sorry for myself. There is only so much people can feel sorry for you. Do you expect an angel to swoop down, scoop you up and wave a magic wand to make you better? The answers are in fact all out there. Go and be proactive. Google autoimmune illness; google diet to reduce inflammation; google Leaky Gut. I know it sounds complicated, but our bodies are complicated. Every part of our body is intertwined with another part including the way the brain works. Did you know that our brain is a very high percentage of fat? You are probably not eating enough good fats to make your brain work properly. Your vitamin B12 is probably very low, which causes mental health symptoms. Your mother has an autoimmune illness. It runs in families. You may not have a thyroid illness but I can guarantee you have some type of autoimmune illness.

[JuneShultz1011 in reply to marigold22]

How would I go about seeing a doctor for an autoimmune check up thing, I know no - one will believe me when I ask them. I can't go on my own. + I thought Psychosis was hallucinating and No Offence, Going Mad.

[marigold22]

We all have to start with our GP.

You should request to see a young female GP. I have found them to be more compassionate. You can tell the receptionist you are nervous with any other type of GP. Don't be fobbed off by a bossy receptionist, be determined. You will have to be strong minded to get everything I am asking you to get.

Remember - It's your body, you are ill, you are entitled to be well, all doctors who practice have signed something called The Hippocratic Oath which states that they 'do no harm' . And you have Human Rights.

If she questions you about wanting all these blood tests, tell her that you have read that feeling down can be due to physical illness.

However I do think you should involve your mum in this. I’m sure she is worried about you. You can tell her you have been googling about health; and even tell her the truth that you have been on a forum asking for help. I very much doubt she will be angry with you. Mums only want the best for their kids.

BUT if you think your mum will side with the GP, you will feel alone. You are legally able to go on your own if you think it’s best.

Do you know anyone else who could go with you?

GPs these days discover everything about their patients by doing blood tests. Tell her you want - - -

1. Full Blood Panel. This will show everything that's happening with your blood - the iron level, the way your blood is behaving.

2. Also ask for these to be included - vitamin B12, vitamin D, folate, ferritin.

3. Thyroid Peroxidase called TPO - will show if you have thyroid antibodies

4. Coeliac test to see if you have a gluten intolerance in your gut

5.Diabetes test - my father in law had crazy outbursts and it turned out he had diabetes but he was able to control it with diet and not inject himself like we hear about.

6. As I told you previously, GPs do not have much spare time. They will very quickly look over a patient’s blood results and not be very fussy about the results.

So, you must go into your GP surgery a week after the blood tests and ask for a copy of them. You are legally entitled to have them. Then copy them out and send me a Private Message. I will interpret them for you. I know a lot of women who have fully recovered and they will also help me to interpret them for you.

Be brave, be strong. Or things will only get worse for you. I hate to think of you going into your late teens and twenties feeling like you do. Be kind to yourself.

[Gambit62]

Jane, I suffered over 40 years of anxiety and depression - it was worse at times, it was better at others but it went completely after finding out that I had problems absorbing B12.

Please go see your GP - ask them to look into possible physical causes for how you are feeling - depression is actually a description of a number of symptoms that can have a wide range of causes - sometimes it is responses to situations - and sometimes it's because of an underlying problem and sometimes its a mixture of the two but the underlying problem is making it more difficult for you to cope with the situation.

as suggested by marigold, starting with a blood test would be a good idea.