Need tips or advice

I need some advice on learning to control my own trust issues my past relationship had damaged me to trust the person I'm with now... and I know that this guy cares about me and loves me but I seem to push him away because of how I feel I feel afraid of letting someone close to me being able to cry and feel vulnerable makes me feel afraid of letting my partner in but I know he's trying but how do I learn to trust him when he gives me the trust I need for him and to stop some jealous going on how can I trust a person and give them a chance to let them be near me

3 Replies

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  • Hello :-)

    I think we have to learn to love ourselves first before we can accept someone can love us and therefore we can trust them

    Fear and anxiety will keep you pushing people away and maybe if you got some Counselling for this it could help to :-)

    We can spend a life time of missing out on something that could have been worthwhile through fear so we have to address this to enable us to move on

    No Relationship comes with a guarantee but sometimes we have to ask ourselves , shall we enjoy what we have now with this person or shall we push them away and maybe have regrets

    If they let you down then they were not the person you thought they were so you would have not lost anything but all it could do is make you grow and learn through experience as sometimes the most difficult experiences we go throw make us grow more than the easy life experiences we deal with :-)

    Take Care x

  • I agree with lulu. We really do need to learn to love ourselves first. It doesn't matter if it's this guy or any other guy. We need to look at ourselves at say, you are worth love, you are a good person, you are not defined by the people that hurt you. It is hard to accept the fact that we can't have a sealed promised that every relationship will last.

    I've had similar experiences that led to a lot of distrust. It's a feeling that you can't just let go of or ignore. The past hurts keep replaying in your head, whispering to you that it's going to happen again. All we can do is learn from the past and remind ourselves that the people that hurt us, are not in control of our lives.

    I sometimes find that making a list or writing out your feeling may help. You could try writing down the reasons why you feel you are lacking trust. What hurt in the past caused you to feel this way. Is he doing something to make you think this or is it something that is in your head telling you. Be brutally honest with yourself. I made a list like this once. I ended up writing a lot of negative emotions out. Then I read over it and burned the list.

    I know it's hard to look at these types of feelings. If you can find the root of this, it may be a step to healing your current feelings. It's like a weed, you can take it off the surface, but if you don't pull it out by it's root, it will keep coming back.

  • Well to be honest I've never been in a relationship before so I'm not giving advise that needs to be taken just giving an opinion. I guess you know if you really like the person or not but I know it's though to get hurt an to let go of past hurts but sometimes you just need to start getting to know someone else to take your mind of things I'm not saying ignore the relationship an talk to someone else I'm simply saying once you know your ready you'd know if to let them in or not cause at the end of the day someone may or may not get hurt but to be honest it's how you feel towards it an you can also talk to God about it he's always there to help you. Sorry if I was of no help but I hope everything works out for you dispite I don't know you I'm in slightly a different situation but it's about you not me so God bless an good luck ;)

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