Advice on dealing with a suicidal person

[DMM218]

Again posting this from Minds website. It's really helpful guidance.

It's important not to criticize or blame a person for feeling suicidal. A point which can easily be forgotten if you respond with your own views why suicide is wrong.

No one is suicidal because of anything other than extreme emotional pain. It's more helpful to ask why the feel this way and provide ways that they can be supported during this crisis. Suicide is when nothing else works so trying to find another option for the person to see and use allows them some control in their life. This is life saving.

Below is the advice from Mind

How can I help them talk about suicidal feelings?

If someone feels suicidal, talking to someone who can listen and be supportive may be their first step towards getting help. They could talk to someone in their life. They could also talk to a professional such as a doctor or therapist, or a trained listener at a helpline. (See our information on talking treatments and helplines.)

If you feel able to listen, you could ask them about how they are feeling. It could help if you:

Ask open questions. These are questions that invite someone to say more than 'yes' or 'no', such as 'How have you been feeling?' or 'What happened next?' There are more ideas for open questions on the Samaritans website.

Give them time. You might feel anxious to hear their answers, but it helps if you let them take the time they need.

Take them seriously. People who talk about suicide do sometimes act on their feelings — it's a common myth that they don't. It's best to assume that they are telling the truth about feeling suicidal.

Try not to judge. You might feel shocked, upset or frightened, but it's important not to blame the person for how they are feeling. They may have taken a big step by telling you.

Don't skirt around the topic. There is still a taboo around talking about suicide which can make it even harder for people experiencing these feelings to open up and feel understood. Direct questions about suicide like 'Are you having suicidal thoughts?' or 'Have you felt like you want to end your life?' can help someone talk about how they are feeling.

Not undermining their feelings and letting them know that you believe them and want to be there for them is really necessary as well.

Why is it safe to ask if someone feels suicidal?

Asking someone if they feel suicidal or are planning to end their life may not feel like the right thing to do but in fact professionals do recommend asking direct questions about suicide. Some people worry that this might indirectly encourage the person who is feeling suicidal to act on their feelings, but in reality research has shown that speaking openly about suicide decreases the likelihood of the person acting on their feelings.

Asking simple, direct questions can encourage them to be honest about how they are feeling. Many people feel relieved and less isolated when they are asked.

You can find yourself tiptoeing around the subject because you’re scared of saying the wrong thing and you wish you could make everything better. I knew from my own experiences that being told: don’t say that, or you don’t mean that, doesn’t help. It can help just to say that you’re here and you’re sorry things are hard right now. You don’t have to have all the answers.

How can I offer emotional support?

You don't need any special training to show someone you care about them. Here are some things you can do to offer emotional support:

Listen. Simply giving someone space to talk, and listening to how they’re feeling, can be really helpful in itself. If they're finding it difficult, let them know that you're there when they are ready.

Stay calm. Even though it might be upsetting to hear that someone you care about is distressed, try to stay calm. This will help your friend or family member to feel calmer too.

Try not to make assumptions. Your perspective might be useful to your friend or family member, but try not to assume that you already know what may have caused their feelings, or what will help.

For more about how you could offer support, see our information on supporting someone else to seek help for a mental health problem.

Having these conversations can be hard so it's important to take care of yourself too. Our page on supporting yourself has some suggestions.

[Shawmind Partner]

Hi. The Shaw Mind Foundation also has a guide on suicide prevention which you can find here shawmindfoundation.org/wp-c...

[Finglas-Boy]

My fear at the moment is acting in a knee-jerk fashion & get to the position I can do nothing about to reverse. I don't fear death; only the pain & distress I'll cause to those I leave behind. The Crisis Line provided by my GP have been really good in giving me the basis to discuss the sometimes extreme thoughts currently bouncing around my brain. At the end of the dY however I truly feel it is the right of each one of us to do with our lives what w wish. This does not detract from the wonderful support I've received from folk on this site but the dark clouds & thoughts still persist as I continue to bottle things up & I can't guarantee I'll be standing on the station platform one morning as the express thunders up & ......

Sorry if this post is a doom & gloom one but the opportunity for honesty, here, does help.

[DMM218 Ambassador in reply to Finglas-Boy]

A lot of people battle with these thoughts on a daily basis. Sometimes you have good days others not.

Reaching out and talking about how you are feeling and thinking is vital and I'm glad to hear that's what you are doing.

I really hope things improve for you soon. As long as you keep going, then you keep that future alive. Sometimes we just need to get through a day.

If you need a chat just message.

[Finglas-Boy]

Thanks DMM218. Folk I work closely with are beginning to notice I'm not my "usual self". In Court the other day one of the Judges - we've known each other for a long time - asked me if I was feeling ok because she noticed "a different Counsel to usual". Trouble is I can never think of a response.

[DMM218 Ambassador in reply to Finglas-Boy]

Was always my downfall - I could never do the quick comebacks in court! I hope you ok - I've been floored recently by negative emotions- I had been really positive after increase of meds - I think that then allowed me to feel again - so anger and resentment surfaced - which I hate as I find it makes me feel so bad as a person - but keep telling self it's ok to feel and express - I've been painting to try and work through it. So now I'm just pissed at the paints!

Worst part of depression is not feeling you or other people seeing you differently and you not realizing how far you are from yourself. But it's not that you've changed just that you have a bigger layer of depression on top of your personality. If that makes sense.

I'm happy to have given up the law. I was never comfortable but I did enjoy it. I'm certain now that I'm going to work creatively in the future.

[Finglas-Boy]

It's good that things are looking up for you work-wise. I've always subscribed to the theory that work should be way down anyone's "list of life". I can relate exactly to your feelings re meds. Consultants are travelling down the road of trying to control my seizures via meds before looking to surgery. But this means mucking about so much with scripts some of which are unlicensed. This does nothing for depression, anger & anxiety.