Useful info about depression (continued)

[cecilia13]

Sorry about break . Listed 4 things earlier on . Stuff frompersonal experience and readings . Would like to add another point : it is also a myth you get used to depression even after many years . It only gets worse, louder and more disturbing . It's always there like some scary black shadow in the background , pouncing back on you when you least expect it , generally when you think you are completely recovered . I feel so scared and tired and helpless and hopeless the damned illness has agin returned to torture me . Wll get worse until spring . Have tried various medicine, strategies, tricks, books , advice, etc.. but still firmly stuck with worsening depression . Am thinking of the unthinkable . True, what's the point of carrying on since nobody cares, needs me o r wants me ?

Any comments please . Further discussion or just friendly chat most welcome . I feel so terribly lonely and useless . Good luck to you all ! (including me) Thanks .

[mena52]

Celia13 I have read both your above comments and the earlier one. Some really good advice given, but please don't give up. You are wanted, people do care believe it or not although it doesn't sound like you do right now. It is a horrible illness, made worse by the fact it's not actually physical so cannot be seen by people. I was in a depression and anxiety zone for almost 20 years. Several times I got myself back up (I thought) and got off the anti depressants but various personal problems brought me crashing back down again to the lowest of the low. You are not alone. Up until 18 months ago I was a total zombie stuck on strong antidepressants with no social life and so lonely and with zero confidence. Today I am off the antidepressants, and am a lot more confident with a social life and new friends I never thought I would have. Unfortunately I have other health issues so my social life has been restricted since June but nevertheless I do have friends that will text me or email me and see how I am. Please don't ever think nobody cares, they do, you just can't see it at the moment. I lost many friends when I first got depressed (I'd had a violent marriage breakdown and lost both my house and my job Xmas 1996) and I think those friends were embarrassed or didn't understand my illness and thought I was rude when I backed out of social gatherings. I was so low a couple of times I did attempt suicide. Other times I telephoned the samaritans and found them really helpful. You can also text and email them now if you find it hard to speak on the telephone. If you feel very low contact them, they will not judge and sometimes just to have someone listen to you helps. I see a counsellor now which has helped but it doesn't work for everyone. I wish you well, please keep us posted. You are doing well, just have faith in yourself and allow your body to heal. Big hugs xxx

[cecilia13 in reply to mena52]

thanks for your kind words of comfort and reassurance .

tried the Samaritans 3 times in past . found them useless, unhelpful, uncaring . must have been one of the very unlucky ones !!

problem is I never had any friends and only 2 passing friends at secondary . get harder & harder as you get older , people too busy & self absorbed . only want/need you when they are down , then quickly forget you & move on when they feel better . maybe i am bloody naive or expect too much ! they conveniently forget you / I am still there with my worsening all consuming depression . and yes , I'd love some attention, support & kindness .

tried counselling before, very disappointed , felt like I was a burden being passed around , just another boring statistic .

don't know what to do . all seems pretty hopeless and pointless .