Lost & Broken

I have lost myself completely, I suffer with anxiety, depression, and often have suicidal thoughts. Over the past 18 years I have attempted suicide several times. I have manic episodes that I can't seem to control despite the medication. Nothing at all helps. I have 2 children a boy 12, coming up 13 and a girl at 8. I suffer from violent parent abuse from my boy, with out too much detail it is getting to the point where the only way he will stop hurting me is if he puts me hospital or in the ground. My little girl is constantly pushed out because of his behavior she has to go to her dads when he is being violent and I have to lock myself in the house with him for "his safety" as social workers put it. I have lost all hope, I feel like I am the worst mum, and that my children would be better off without me. I have lost all my fight after many years of things going wrong in my life...I'm finding it really hard to cope right now :(

10 Replies

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  • Hi lostprincess thank u for reaching out im not a mother myself but i can relate to anxiety depression n especially suicidial thoughts have u got anyone that u can talk to because these can not only be harmful but can make u do something u may not want to do im here if u need to talk hang in there Sam xx

  • I really liked your reply to user posting as “Lost and Broken” you kept it simple, kind supportive but urged her to really consider trying to speak out more about her thoughts of wanting to end it all. I have been there too, how many of us have not truthfully? Everyone’s situation and what brought them to that point is different too. However, forums like this are one way people can speak out and seek support from others, if they know of them and if they feel able. Really liked your positivity!! 😊👍

  • Hi chloe yes its because ive been there mentally its exhausting i may not have kids but i feel for her as it must be tough but shes not alone by any stretch i do try and help people out when i can and its usually on my meds that i can see sense and help others being suicidial is horrible especially for the person whos goin through it i hope she does seek help bless her or even if she replies and tells us that shes ok x

  • Thank you for your message. Really made a lot of sense. We all (well maybe not all of us, my heart truly goes out to those who have really hit the deck and cannot cope with anything, l have been there) have slightly better days and l think it is so important to “reach out to others” when we can. 😊👍

  • Hi lostprincess, mynheart goes out to you on so many levels. However, that is not going to donyou any help other than to let you know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! And that people out here DO really care about what you have to say!

    You have many issues going on here l am sure you would agree, not least yourself and your feelings! You also have two children involved here, one of whom it sounds may have quite severe behavioural problems and another you do not feel you can give enough time to.

    Having given your post considerable thought l have arrived at the conclusion that if you have Social Work Support for your children in any of its forms, the person “holding your case” needs to be made totally aware of how “out of control” your situation is becoming, for everyone.

    Sometimes, it is really hard to speak to professionals involved with your care l know particularly if your self confidence self esteem and mood are really low. PLEASE believe that it is a “joint arrangement” between you and Social Services to bring about the change your lovely little family needs!

    On Monday morning if not sooner (if you have an emergency pre arranged plan for dealing with crisis) make contact with the Social Worker responsible for assisting you and if you feel that you cannot speak out, just read out your post here. Or indeed copy it down and read it out. You all need support and this is the way to achieve it.

    When things spiral “out of control” it feels as though we need to run away because the reality of what we are living with is just too unbearable. I was a single parent mother, working full-time when l became seriously depressed. Yes, it was awful, yes it did impact on my children but with the right resources WE CAME THROUGH IT! And you can too! Please contact your Social Worker and please post lots in the meantime if you feel you want to and please REMEMBER you ARE NOT ALONE and the sun will shine again if you take the first step!! Sending you my heartfelt best wishes! Do let everyone know how you get on! 💕👍 Chloe

  • My typos are well known particularly when l am not wearing glasses! I do apologise, but think it’s better to post with a few typos than go an search for glasses which have even been found in the fridge! Because l have convinced myself l need to put them somewhere safe! I have an Opticians appt soon and am going to buy a couple of pairs, so Folks my posts should get easier reading! 😊👍

  • I have spoke to my social worker and her manager and explained my situation, I have pleaded for respite for my boy as I am "stuck" with him 24/7. My gp has also explained my situation to the social worker. I don't have no family to rely on. My friends are my family but all of them work and all I seem to do is push everyone away. I find it really hard to talk, its took all my effort to do this.

    It seems that every avenue I approach has a dead end, I may as well talk to brick walls or bang my head against one when it comes to ss.

    I am at a complete loss, I am empty and emotionless, I have no desire to keep fighting this losing battle

  • seems to me like you're doing all the right things by reaching out to your GP and Social Worker. Im sure if you asked your friends someone would step up for you. i know it's really hard to admit you need help and that sometimes those of us that suffer w/ depression push everyone away. you are not alone. keep reaching out when you're able to. *sending hugs*

  • Hi Lostprincess, and welcome to the forum. I am sorry to read about your difficult situation. It is good that you have reached out to this community so you can get some support from other members. As Chloe2057 said,you are not alone. Please contact your social worker as soon as possible to discuss your situation [you could contact the crisis team]. You may find youngminds.org.uk website helpful, which provides a guide to child and adolescent Mental Health Services. You are coping very well in a very difficult situation. Please have a look at the pinned posts to the right of the screen where you will see some crisis helpline numbers Samaritans 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Tel no 116 123. If you fear for yours or your son's safety, please dial 999. It may also help if you arrange to see your GP for further help and support. Look after yourself, also. Thank you and best wishes.

  • Hi lost and broken, not nice aye to be depressed and have anxiety, I am on a medication that I can say for the first time in my life WORKS. It is called Cymbalta 60mg. Speak to your doctor about it. Once you have your depression and anxiety under control you will be in a better place to deal with your son. Can your husband have him for a while? There is a book called I love you but go to your own room now. By a New Zealand top child psychologist .

    It is written to help you parent children of all ages, you need to get his violence under control ASAP.

    Wishing you well.

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