Please I need help desperately. It's ... - Mental Health Sup...

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Please I need help desperately. It's too much mourning.


Hi all, I need help and advice desperately.

On 25 May 2017 I broke up with my boyfriend. Until today, there was not one day that went by without him appearing in my head. It has been about 4 months since the split, about the same amount of time we spent dating. Sometimes I'm fine but other times I feel like crying and just wishing none of this ever happened. On some occasions I even felt like going to his house just to punch and scream at him. But almost every time I just wished we never had to take things to the next level and just remain as friends. I guess that at that point in time it just didn't occur to me that as I said yes to becoming his girlfriend, our friendship had every potential to be sacrificed. He had blamed me for so many things and on his birthday he said he just wanted me out of his life and realized he couldn't do it anymore. All I ever did was try to be supportive but he received all these messages as trying to dig up his past. To me his past didn't matter and all but he just couldn't seem to understand. And we hardly see each other due to our respective hectic schedules so it made it hard for communication to turn out the way I wanted it to. This resulted in miscommunication. And I think it was the miscommunication that hit me the hardest. Because it wasn't that we suddenly hated each other but it was an over time miscommunication that led to the breakup. And I always hate it when I'm misunderstood by someone. Talk less about that misunderstanding leading to major problems. But we couldn't talk it out because he didn't want to call me and just wanted to handle everything over messaging. Up till today I still keep blaming myself, wondering that if I had done things differently maybe it wouldn't have been so bad. I wonder what his whole take was on the relationship from the start to the end. And all this wondering has affected me adversely. I can never focus on anything when I think about this relationship. My whole mood turns upside down, I just want to talk it out but it really just wouldn't make any sense. He has made it clear he never wants to see me again and wants nothing to do with me whatsoever. Honestly I think if I died today he wouldn't even come to my funeral. And I hate how he has changed after the breakup and all. I mean as we started to date I realized some changes in him which I didn't like. But as a supportive girlfriend and understanding his past, I understood why he was acting like this and didn't comment, not wanting to destroy our relationship. But as days passed, it got worse. I really didn't like it and I felt that he was kind of distant. To me, he cared way to much about fame and I'm someone who believes in inner beauty and a beautiful personality truly rather than changing for fame and popularity. It was almost as if he was desperate to be recognized by others and wants more friends by going to social places he normally wouldn't go. He has blocked me on all social media platforms but some of my 'friends' update me on his social media profiles. I see someone different. The old him was dead. I hate it when people change. I hate it when they feel like they have to change themselves in order to blend in with society. I'm a great believer in being who you are. Some people don't like me because they think I'm not wearing the trendy clothes which shows so much off their skin they might as well not be wearing anything. I hate changing for anybody. And I especially hate it when the ones I love change for society. I lose them. And seeing people love him because he is able to blend in with society disgusts me. I also feel a tinge of jealousy because I know girls will suck up to him and he'll expand his social circle by a lot. I kind of always had this feeling that he looked up to me from the very beginning because of my social circle and I was considered the cool person. And cool people never hung out with him. He was pretty much hated in the past. Now that he is turning to a new direction I feel as if I lost control over him. yes, I'm the jealous and possessive type. Makes every thing a whole lot worse for me. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I have been mourning longer than the time we were together. It's ridiculous. I want to live a life. But I can't. I'm such a mess. I just don't want people to see me for who I am not. I need to move on. But I can't bare seeing anything related to him I just know it. I keep wondering how he would be like in his next relationship. I can't even stand it knowing he'll be with someone else.

I'm dying. I might as well be dead. I always believe that being emotionally dead is the worst. An emotionally dead warrior can't fight because he has no motivation to fight. He might as well be dead just like his other comrades who are physically dead but maybe worse because he is still living and has to deal with the pain.

I need help. Someone. Anyone. Please. Your help, advice, guidance, stories, anything will be very much appreciated. Thank you.

3 Replies

It's been 9 months since my ex broke up with me. I'm still in love with him and would give anything to re-live the time when I first met him. It still hurts every day.

He's with someone else now and it kills me. To know someone else is touching him. He thinks I'm insane that I still can't get over him after all this time.

Goldie11 is right, we are prisoners in our own minds. But I don't know how to get over him. I love someone who has completely moved on (he moved on before he even broke up with me, I could feel him pulling away). Every day is a struggle not to contact him. So I know how you feel. And I just hope and beg that one day I will finally be over him.

But I'm an ill person and so I think you will get over him in better time than I ever will. I've always held on to people and it's not healthy. I hope you'll get over him because there's nothing worse than unrequited love


Hi this sounds like you have unfinished business with him as do most of us when a relationship ends. You have to find your own way of finishing it such as pouring out how you feel in letters but never sending them, getting rid of photo's and other things.

It never stops hurting but you have to start getting on with the rest of your life now. When you start thinking of him make a determined effort to distract yourself. This is very hard at first but does get easier with practise so keep on doing it. Fill your mind with other things apart from him and you will find that time is a great healer. Lil x


Hiya, these things take time - it's a cliche but true nevertheless. Avoid blaming yourself and guilt because, firstly, it's not your fault, and secondly, such feelings are not constructive and won't help. Focus on the good things in your life, your family, friends and create good memories to replace any negative ones. Keep movng forward and you'll get there, I guarantee you. Take care,

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