I want to give up

[Catharsis]

I moved to Spain in December last year, and I suffer with depression and schizophrenia. I've been battling with schizophrenic voices since my relapse in June 2015. I'm not keeping a minimum of hygiene. I have no job. I'm not learning Spanish. I feel depressed. I'm not sure what I should do. My boyfriend is annoyed with me. I can't even go to the shop. I don't get dressed in the morning. Do you think I should go back home? I love my boyfriend but I can't do it any more. Sometimes I feel like giving up. Right now I am sitting on the sofa, which is a small improvement from lying on the sofa. I am in my PJs and I feel like there is a lump in my throat. I have been crying a little bit, mainly because I have no job. Well I do have a job, but I don't enjoy it and I may as well not be getting paid. I don't know what to do. I have contemplated going home in the past but I just don't want to give up hope.

[chloe40]

Hi Catharsis,

So sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time. You do seem to be depressed and maybe even homesick. Can you visit a doctor there ? I'm sure other members will be offering lots of support soon,

Take care

Chloe

[Catharsis in reply to chloe40]

Thank you for your reply. Yes I can see a doctor here. My boyfriend would have to come with me as I can't speak the language. I already take antipsychotics, perhaps I need an antidepressant too. I don't want to stay on them forever, but I feel incredibly low at the moment

[chloe40 in reply to Catharsis]

Hi again,

Yes, sounds a good idea and the doctor will guide you as to which medication is necessary.

Take care

Chloe

[Hidden]

Hi I guess the decision is whether you think you would feel better if you went home. Do you have family/friends there who would support you better? Do you have anyone in Spain to help you? It doesn't sound your bf really understands, but then again it is very hard unless you have suffered mental health problems yourself I guess.

I know you don't want to give up but there are times it's better to cut your losses and get out of a situation which is making you unhappy. It's not giving up hope, but rather making a decision in your best interests.

Keep talking to us here and we will help and support you all we can. x

[Catharsis in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your reply. At the moment I don't have any friends in Spain. This is because I don't speak the language very well at all. I am just a beginner. I think I do have family and friends at home, but I don't know if I can even support myself there.

I think my boyfriend does understand, but he has reached the point where there is nothing he can do to help me. He has suffered with anxiety problems in the past and had to take medication too.

I understand what you mean by 'cut my losses'. I love my boyfriend though. That is keeping me here.

Thanks again

[Hidden]

Hi

I'm so sorry that you are unwell and suffering.

I cannot say that I know,very much about your condition.

I can only say that if you are so unhappy and have no job friends etc and although you love your boyfriend I feel you do need support and probably medical treatment. If I were to advise you, I'd say go home if only to see a dr get help and get strong and well. Maybe then, face your life problems and if you should return to Spain and your bf. If your bf really loves you he, should want you to get well,and support you going home and getting help to get better.

Good luck, be strong and make the right decision.

Best wishes.

[Catharsis in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, that is a very good response. I think that might be a good option to take.

Thanks again

[Hidden in reply to Catharsis]

You're welcome.

I truly hope that you make the right decision for you and your future health.

Good luck 👍😊

[Hidden]

hi, you poor thing, i have deprestion an severe anxiety, i have let my self go, i wud stay in my pjs for ever if i could, i cant leave the house, rarely answer phone, and HATE if anybody cums to my house,, my marriage as just broke down in may, i avnt worked for 2years as i cant be round people, constant pains in chest an feel nervous all time, its an herendous illness and nobody understands, sum days i just think whats the point living feeling so unhappy, if i were you i would go bak home, to me home is the only place i feel at ease, do what you want to do, dont try to be strong to please others cos it just makes you feel worse, listen to what your body is telling you to do, all the best for the future. alison x

[BikerChk in reply to Hidden]

Hi Alison,

Welcome!!

I'm sorry about your situation.

Please make an appointment with your GP to help with your depression and anxiety.

If prescribed medications, it may take awhile, but they should help!!

You will find this to be a very supportive group of people. Keep us updated on your situation.

BikerChk

[Catharsis in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your reply. I really understand how you feel and I wish you all the best. I will contemplate going home for long periods at a time.

I sincerely hope you improve and get better.

Thank you

[BikerChk]

Hi Catharsis!

I'm so sorry for all you are going through. It can be very difficult and lonely in a new place where language is a barrier. A trip home to regroup and possibly learn a little more Spanish before returning.

I've often had that horrible lump in the throat feeling. For me, the lump was due to anxiety. Whether you go home or not, definitely go to the GP as it seems something can be done to help you with this adjustment.

Be kind and take good care of your self.

BikerChk

[Catharsis in reply to BikerChk]

Thanks for your reply. It sounds like a good idea. I will be travelling back for one week soon. Hopefully I can regroup as you say. I don't know if I should go back for longer, but I will see how I feel.

Thank you

[BikerChk in reply to Catharsis]

Just take it one day at a time. if you are put on a different medication or a dose on a current one is changed, make sure you ask how long it should be before you feel the effects. This might help you guide the best time to return. Plus, it might take longer than a week to get a handle on Spanish. There is a free app called Duolingo that has helped a few friends of mine learn a couple of different languages...not sure about it myself, but maybe it can help!!

Whatever you do, remember we are here to help and support you!!

BikerChk