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I'd rather avoid

A main problem I have is repressing feelings. I'd rather feel nothing than feel anxious or nervous. An example would be that recently someone asked me out. It made me extremely anxious. Mind you, this is the first time anyone has every asked me out. I kept thinking about it over and over and over again. All the possibilities that could go wrong. I kept thinking about the future and how I don't want to marry this person even though I know this guy only wanted a date and nothing else. But I catastrophes things. I looked into the future and could see myself break up with him. But people keep telling me to give it a try anyway. Even though I feel no connection to him what so ever. Should I feel a connection? I don't know. People date people for no apparent reason and that confuses me. Why do people go out with people they aren't even interested in? They tell me that he "might grow on me" but my connections with guys I like are different. I usually fall quick with guys I end up liking. And it's not just looks. Guys that I find attractive, my friends usually tell me they aren't conventionally "attractive". I usually like very "dorky" and "funny guys", and people say that the guy who asked me out is like that but I don't see it. And then I'm thinking am I just finding faults in him so I won't have to deal with being with anyone? It's way easier being alone. I don't have to deal with anxiety or worry about doing the wrong move. Being alone is so easy. I want to be with someone I truly do but I can't tell if it's me lacking a real connection with this person or if it's me avoiding something. How am I supposed to tell the difference when everything gives me anxiety?

4 Replies

I had an experience last year where someone asked me out (my first time too!) I got so terribly anxious. I couldn't look at the guy and just panicked on the inside. I didn't want to go out with him so I didn't, even though he was a super nice guy. I 100% agree with you and am just as confused as you are when people date just for fun. I do believe that someone should date with the thought of marrying that person. If the feelings aren't there, don't do it. I am an introvert and thought the same thing, I will never have a relationship and it's better to be alone. That is not true, as if someone actually likes you, they will approach you... that happened to me and I just posted about it. It is scary and easy to overthink things, so if there is someone you can trust with your secrets/relationship questions/anxiety... talk to them!


And about what you said that people say the guys you are attracted to aren't 'attractive', that's BS. I fall for the nerdy guys and muscles mean nothing to me. I am very attracted to well mannered men, gentlemen, and the one who have a good personality. If you find him hot and attractive, then he is!


Hiya, I think I can empathise with your anxiety and worry but, honestly, after thinking the same things as you when I was young, I have now been happily married for over 30 years and have a wonderful family and a good career. I have struggled (and continue to struggle) with my anxiety but it is 100% worth it. You can only live in the present - the past is gone and the future is not known. Just follow your instincts, be kind to yourself and others and enjoy doing whatever makes you happy, and you will not go far wrong. Take care,


Hi try and see dating as fun rather than a chance to get serious about someone. If you find someone you like who asks you out then go. Why not? If you enjoy it then it's fine. It's by meeting the unsuitable potential partners that you learn what is important to you and what you are looking for in a relationship.

Try not to look further than the first date or 2 and just concentrate on having a good time and see what happens. x


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