Moving on

[Noname1995]

My girlfriend left me for another guy. I love her more than anything. Never hurt her or made her feel worthless. Everything was perfect. We started dating 2 years before. Our relationship continued for 6 months and then one day she suddenly changed. She started avoiding me, ignoring my text, calls and even spoke to me rudely when I asked what happened. I wanted to be by her side in her pain and hard times but she kept on ignoring. I never shouted at her or told anything bad. But one day she left. I couldn't move on for 1.5 years and waited. I believed that she would come back. It was hard. But I did. She came back after 1.5 years. She again promised that this time she won't leave me again. She loves me more than anything. After 2 months again one day she told she don't want a relationship now because she wants to focus on career first. I was broken but finally I respected her decision and started a new journey of waiting and becoming someone in life and they I would ask her again. Now after 1 month of breakup she is with another guy. And I came to know that the real reason why she left me was that guy. I can't believe she could do this to me after everything. How could she break my heart, my trust in a blink? I am completely broken. I lost my smile, I lost myself. I need to move on. Please help me. Its destroying me everyday in every possible way.

[20Voices]

Hi,

Breaking up is really hard and when it happens like this it is really tough.

The only thing you can do now is accept that she is not the right person for you. She will continue to break hearts and your heart if she comes back to you, because she won't stay.

You owe it to yourself to move on and find take care of yourself.

Why people make promises and tell you that they love you and then break your heart is beyond me. I am still dealing with my ex having put me on the pedestal where he thought I was the best woman in the world and we were so happy to him having an affair and even telling me that he was separating from me for 3 months to think about our marriage when he had planned to move straight into a house with another woman who had just split from her husband.

I did some many things to try and get him back that I really embarrassed myself. I wouldn't want you to go through that, so please take the time to grieve the loss of your relationship and then move on. Please don't take her back if she comes begging you because she's already shown you that she is more than capable of using you and hurting you.

I am sorry this has happened, but some people just don't seemed to understand how mauch damage they do to people by their actions. Maybe they never truly believe in love, maybe it is just words to them with no meaning and if that is the case that is really sad.

Please take care and concentrate on you. You deserve someone who will return your love and not just walk out on you at a whim and expect you to take them back.

Take care.

[Noname1995 in reply to 20Voices]

Thank you so much 20Voices for your reply. May be it's not going to help me today because firstly I need to accept the fact. I need to find myself again. I need to love myself again. But your reply is the most amazing gift I have got after a long time. I will read it every day. I am sure it's gonna make me feel better slowly. Thank you.

[20Voices in reply to Noname1995]

I struggled with being kind to myself and loving myself I am working on that everyday. I now recognize that I have a self destructive streak in me, but I was not aware as to how bad it would get until my marriage broke up. I struggle at times as to whether my ill health cause my marriage break up of if my marriage was failing and I was ignoring it and that was why I got ill.

One thing that my ex said to me in the last months of us being together still stays with me to this day and that is "You are responsible for you. Only you can change who you are and fix you." It is a good peace of advise, but when you get it in the same breath that you are being blamed for his faults it is a bit confusing. I was to blame for his faults, but I was responsible for my own issues as well!!!, confusing or what. Why did he have any responsibility for my issues if I was clearly responsible for his?

Life is confusing at times. All I ever wanted was a good man to love and support and to have his kids if possible. I've never cheated on anyone, or gone out of my way cause problems for anyone. I just want to have a happy life and help my partner to enjoy life and reach their potential.

Why does things have to be so difficult?

I used to feel that spending time on me was being selfish, but I now realise that the only person who is going to take care of me is me and that spending that time is not being selfish because I am making sure I am the best person I can be and then I am using what I have learnt to be happy and help others.

Take care.

[Clarebear86]

I have a very similar problem. My husband of 9 years thought it was a good idea to kiss some random girl in a night club on a night out and then exchange contact details. They conversed on snapchat and arranged a meeting at a premier inn. Now my husband thought I was depressed and wanted me to go to the doctors, I agreed but then later changed my mind. I had suspicions he was cheating on me and he reassured me he wasn’t, after he had kissed this girl. He then made this elaborate plan of having a works night out and the venue kept changing, which made me even more suspicious. He then asked to stay out all night, which he has never done before or showed any interest in. Alarm bells were ringing. He stood and had a go at me in front of our 5 year old daughter saying how ridiculous I was being and he had a text message backing up his story if I wanted to see it. He left the house kissing me telling me he loved me. Then I tracked him on the iPad to a premier inn in Washington. Busted! This all happened at the beginning of September and I still don’t understand what drove him to do it. He said he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be with me any more. 9 years of marriage and a 13 year relationship almost lost because of some random girl from a night club. I now have major trust issues with what he is doing and where he is going. He never seems to be here & I do sometimes wonder if he stayed because of our daughter more than me.