I'm sick and tired of being a Yo Yo!

[joeyawesomo]

I've really had enough of living my life like a glorified Yo Yo.

I cut my arm up yesterday night and spent half the bloody night with my head pounding going a million miles per hour and just feeling shaky, makes me feel like a right idiot with the twitches.

I've just genuinely had enough of this, trying to run my business while knowing at some point normality will disappear and put me back out of action.

All I want in life is normality, feelings of normality, feeling of happiness and feeling of being sad when appropriate and for a reason. Be able to socialize and engage with people regularly, not spending a week getting my social fix and disregarding human contact for months.

I keep thinking I am achieving this but bang my head wants to then turn into a emotional wreck of sadness to racings thoughts that just are intense.

I know these are feelings and they go away but next face it, feelings at that present are what count at present.

Seriously how do people live there lives with this constantly? Its beyond me.

[WantToChange]

Yeah, I know the feeling of slipping into old patterns, it's scary and causes anxiety. I've been in so many ruts that feel they will never end. The cutting will make you shaky, not surprisingly.

Why will you fall out of normalcy? What is your perception of "normal" exactly?

[joeyawesomo in reply to WantToChange]

Hey,

Thanks for listening to my vent man.

I'm kind of fortunate that I don't get Anxious pursue, well not anymore anyways, perhaps a couple of years ago but I rarely feel threatened. Perhaps I do but it definitely turns in the form of anger not worryness or fear.

What is normality? That's a good question but to me it means in the middle. I have plenty of weekly periods of not feeling depressed and function like a normal person. You know run my business well, socialize , help others, go out, able to hold a job without telling your employer to **** off. Fortunately I have a lot of experience in marketing and sales so i work for myself now, as I've never held a job down longer than 6 months.

What I can't deal with is the depression phases and/or the racing thoughts and the shaky right hand. Yo yo'ing between them is a large frustration as things don't get done.