Hi
I'm new to forums and trying this as i am constantly surrounded by people but feeing increasingly lonely. I am at a stage where I don't want anyone to talk to me. It takes all my energy to do the day to day must do's without finding the energy for conversation.
I'm struggling.
Fortynfedup, I think we've all been where you are. Last year I went through a nasty depressive episode (after two significant family losses) where I would go for 4-5 days without showering, dirty dishes piled up, laundry piled up, etc. I was very fortunate that I could still get dressed (in somewhat clean clothes that didn't stink), feed myself and my pet, and go to work. I felt exactly how you're feeling. I wanted to just stay on my couch and veg out on TV.
It's interesting that you mention you feel lonely even when surrounded by people. Are these people who are close to you? Or are they work acquaintances? If they're just acquaintances, that could be a reason.
But, loneliness is also an effect of depression. I just read an article that talked about depression and isolation. We, who are experiencing depression, tend to isolate ourselves for two reasons: 1) We often run out of energy trying to do the day-to-day things, like you mention, and have lost interest in what once made us happy, and 2) (I'm going to quote the article here) "Depression also has a built-in isolating fog quality that makes it very difficult to feel connected to people".
I find that my depression tricks me into thinking I don't have friends and that I'm all alone, even though I have several close friends, and good friends at work, who care about me and who I interact with on a fairly regular basis.
So, my advice in this very long response is this:
1) Recognize when you truly need time alone and when it's the depression talking.
2) If it's the depression talking, I urge you to push through with something small. Maybe you go for a short walk with a friend or you eat lunch with them at work (1/2 hour of interaction, so you don't feel so drained but don't continue to isolate yourself either). That's one of the tenets of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, CBT, which has been hailed as the best solution to depression so far. You start by modifying your behavior because studies have found that your mood will catch up with your behavior (eventually).
Even if it's not depression talking, I urge you to try and push through. Maybe just once or twice a week to start.
3) Once you feel a little better, go for more. Do something for 45 minutes to 1 hour with another person.
I hope at least some of what I've written here is helpful. Know that you are not alone in feeling lonely with depression. We all on this forum have been there.
Thank you for your reply, its so nice to have input from someone out with my circle. I'm so sorry to hear of your losses, the way you described your depression during that time is me.
I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder a few years ago. I'm currently seeing a psychiatrist regarding all this and have been through all other types of support available.
My condition is hereditary on the most part and controlled by medication, however, when stressful situations are added to the day to day I stop coping.
My son who is 7 has type 1 diabetes which is challenging, my husband is currently immobile waiting on a spine operation and my daughter has been diagnosed with the same conditions as me and is suicidal, she is just 15 years old. Work have been trying to find a way to sack me since I was off long term sick and made them aware of my disabilities just over a year ago.
To top all this off I have gained 5 stone in weight adding to my self loathing.
As you suggested, you are right, I'm drained, I have no energy left for chat. I'm just concentrating on getting through the day. I'm lucky my husband hasn't left me, I've been down right rude to him at times.
I have lots of people who would and have helped me but I've been receiving help for so long I feel guilty that it is all now one sided friendships, as I am never in a position to return the favour and I hate feeling like a burden. I'm a terrible friend that was once a great friend. Its easier to let them go than to feel a failure.
If only I could have a night sleep and a day without stress I think I could dig my way out of this hole.
Thanks again for taking the times to reply x
You are so welcome for my reply. That is a lot. My depression is hereditary as well. Both of my parents and two of my grandparents had it (one on my dad's side, one on my mom's) so I always joke that I got a "double dose".
You say your husband is awaiting surgery for his spine. Will he be mobile after that? If he will, you have some hope that you won't be going it alone the rest of your life.
I'm sorry to hear about your children. 15 is a rough age and to then add clinical depression into the mix is just awful. Only 7 and already dealing with such a terrible disease? Again, just not fair to him or you.
I think with all your stress, you've earned the right to that 5 stone (how much is that? I'm in the U.S.) and to not be sociable. With everything going on, I would advise you find 15 minutes a day, at least, to do something for yourself. Right now you're a boiling tea kettle with a cork in the spout. If you don't let some steam out, you'll pop.
Try not to be too hard on yourself and be kind to yourself. Remember that you can only give water from a well when there is water in it (you being the well and the water being the caring for others).
I'm always here if you need to chat. I hope things improve soon and that this advice helps.
I to am "double dosed" lol.
5 stone is about 32 kg I think.
Thankfully my husband should make a full recovery so I am thankful for that, a light at the end of a long tunnel.
Its so incredible to be speaking to you, who is so far away. I am in Scotland and its midnight here. I'm sure I will sleep better tonight because of your kind words.
How are you coping at the moment?
Do you think anyone is ever cured?
I personally don't think I'll ever be free but I'm hoping that with time ill feel good more days than bad.
X
I am very happy that you will sleep better tonight. I am struggling right now, thank you for asking.
My depression has been tricking me all day into thinking I don't have friends and my anxiety keeps sending me into catastrophic scenarios of the future. Yesterday I cleared up my usual fear of growing old and dying alone and what I will do once my mother dies (I have very little family left and I am an only child). I had been wrestling with these fears for months. Today I am concerned about if computers replace me (I'm a teacher) and what I will do if the Trump-Devos agenda on education goes through. Mainly, I'm worried about my long term job security.
I don't think anyone is "cured". I think it works the same as with addicts. I think we will have periods of relapses and periods of recovery. Especially when we are genetically prone to it like you and me. Even if we never relapse, we will always be "recovering". But that's a good thing.
I do believe, however, that you will begin to have more good days than bad eventually. Hopefully sooner rather than later.
Ah, the what if's of anxiety! I fight daily with those demons to, I never allow my husband and children to all go off together without me, for fear they die and I'm left alone. I am also an only child, the loneliness of that is probably why I have surrounded myself with children and animals. I feel guilty that I sometimes wonder how much simpler life would be if I had only myself to care for. Truth is I probably would still struggle, as what reason would I have to get out of bed then. I'll need to remember that when my cat wakes me at 5am to tell me its time I was up lol.
I wish so much that I had a career like you, some achievement that was only mine, something to be proud of. To feel important or make a difference outside of family life. Be proud that regardless of anxiety and depression you have achieved this goal that evades me. I have managed to disguise and overcome my failings in the workplace until the last few years and now I'm looking at possible capability hearings and warning letters regards absence. I'm certain for someone like yourself who is caring and educated there will always be employment.
Do you make friends easily? I'm sure you do, and Id bet you have good friends. They do say friends are the family we make for ourselves. Enjoy your mother and if you don't have good friends make new ones, you deserve them. Please also know you have made a friend tonight.
I will try to find 15 mins for me tomorrow and let you know how it went.
I don't know if you have tried writing a diary. I often feel that if I write my fears down then walk away, listen to upbeat music or use a relaxation app that I am able to end the negative thought process for a while.
Why is it that many of us with long term anxiety and depression could write a book on coping mechanisms, yet the truth I find is, if you feel bad that's when you are less likely to feel able use them?
Goodnight and keep in touch
X
I'm new too. Just wanted to talk a little, but not to anyone I know in real life, I'm sorry you're so lonely. I feel lonely even when I'm with my family. Do you have people in your life that you can just spend time with without dealing with issues that take up too much emotional energy?
Hi
Sorry for delay in reply, my life is so full there seems no time for anything. I think this forum could really help but I'm anxious that I will let people on the site down. I've been shying away from people for partly that reason. I don't think I have enough to give others. I look at my phone every other day and when i do, I never know if my mood will give me the strength to reply. I'm very up and down. On the upside, I care a lot about the people on this forum and am surprised at the amount of people like myself.
I'm very familiar with the things I should do to help myself and an trying to put them into play yet again.
How are you doing?
X
Hello void
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Hello, I'm new here.
