finding it hard

I have suffered from depression most of my adult life, when I was younger I was raped by a man, I was bullied at school for being gay and have always been a loner. I lost my younger brother to suicide and lost my sister to breast cancer a few years ago. my life has not been a good one, I am taking tablets from the doctor wich at the moment do not seem to be helping but they are helping me sleep. I have recently done something very silly I met someone on holiday last year and we came very close, we kept in contact for 5 months, i went back out there to see him this time and i did something that i am not proud of I had unprotected sex with him I seem to be on a self-destruct mode, I am going to get tested in a few weeks as its too soon. but feel that my head is about to explode. I am hurt as i thought this person loved me but he didn't so I am trying to cope with that as well as the fact that I could have HIV, I have never had unprotected sex and normally very sensible. i feel my life is a mess and I don't know how to cope anymore.

I feel that life is passing me by and I am just stood still

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3 Replies

  • I'm sorry to hear these things. Have you ever had counseling? Don't beat yourself up about your 'mistake' you're not the first and you won't be the last.

    I'm tired so that's it for now. Good luck.

  • Tieman.

    We all make errors of judgement we would never learn if life was not as confrontational. You need to accept your errors and learn from them, move on if possible.

    Regards the Rape, the loss of your Sister and Brother to Suicide would not have helped you as your confidence in life has taken a real knock. Being bullied can also lead to a life low self worth. You need to gain back your life and some CBT may help over time. Talk to your GP and ask if a course of CBT may help You.


  • Hello

    I am sorry about . Please try not to worry or beat yourself up about the unprotected sex thing, people make mistakes. I am certainly not judging you! Counselling sounds a good idea.

    Best of luck!

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