hey dont really know how this works but thought id give it a go.....nothing to loose right!
so ive struggled with depression for about 6 years now and most of the time i cope with venlafaxine and its sort of smooth sailing onwards , however every 8 months or so i have a huge break down and ofcourse i go to the drs up my pills evrythings ok again.
however a few times ive mannaged to wean my self of them but always eneded bk on them at some point, nthis time my dr wanted to try me with setraline ( low dose)
not many side affects but didnt seem to be doing anything apart from making me feel numb to any feeling or emotion. ive stopped taking them but cant get an appointment at the gp for a month!! (shocking i know) .
my depression seems to be directly triggered to my parents although im not putting blame on anyone its my own messed up mind,
9 years ago i got with my partner (still together now) and they dint approve due to his ethnicity although i was very happy.
my relationship with my parents disintegrated and i ended up living in a homeless hostel as that was the choice i was given or id have to end my relationship.
anywhooo best time of my life!!! independent at 18 friends boyfriend and having lots of fun!! but of course i still was pyning to have a relationship back with my parents but never got back to how it was.
Once my first child was born things went from bad to worse the racial abuse got much worse my partner was no longer willing to give them anymore chances and neither was i especially since having a child. i was diagnosed with depression and im guessing its due to this as in my fairy tale fantasies everyone would get on and be one big happy family LOL!!
first year of having no contact with them included racial prank calls etc
we moved cities and started a fresh, we now have two boys (madness)
i have a good job made new friends and of course life isnt without its struggles but were happy, really happy!
newyear 2016 my mum was asking my sister for me to give them another chance , they are sorry etc and me being me always seeing the best and believing people deep down are good gave them another chance it lasted exactly a year!! (why am i even shocked)
ofcourse the relationship will never be the same after 5 years of 0 contact but i always felt like i was making more effort even though they drive ect. i would travel on the train with two kids to see them try and plan things to do and i was fine with this to a certain extent any way a year on for no reason they stop calling or visiting us even when my son had been in hospital 4 times with asthma as he couldn't breathe.
they hate the father of my children for what ever excuse they my give its the colour of skin!
I have to have this as my final lesson now and cant give anymore chances my boys are getting older and i cant risk them being part of that mess.
i understand you cant force someone to have a relationship with you but it just makes me soooooo angry and depressed and suicidal worthless the list goes on!!!
CURRENTLY HAVING A BREAK DOWN
feel im only carrying on as dont want me committing suicide to affect my childeren`s mental health and ofcourse there dad too, i love them all so much they are the only reason i keep going