hi everyone, It's got to a point in work that I work so hard but if I get told off for one thing that I cannot handle it and spend the rest of the day crying.
I was told off by my boss yesterday for something very insignificant, but she kept going on and on about it. I apologised (even though I feel I was not fully at fault) and tried ti amend the matter and explain. She just kept going until I burst into tears. I then went and cried in the toilets for half an hour.
Even though I suffer badly from depression, I try to never let I affect work. But recently I cannot separate the two and have bad break downs. I am going to register with the doctor today and hopefully book in to speak to them. I am already on alot of anti-anxiety and anti depressants. For my whole life I have never had time off work for my depression, I would just fight through the tears and put on a mask. But now, I've realised I might actually have to have time to heal rather than just push myself.
I am thinking of asking the doctors to write me off work for a little bit, do you all think this is wise?
I feel so guilty about it.
thank you.
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kitten7
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Hello Kitten7, welcome to the site. I am sorry to hear that you are having a hard time at work, sometimes it is difficult to control how we feel about something, I think that is why toilets were invented! I am glad that you are going to register with a GP and arrange an appointment. I am a little concerned that you appear to be taking psychotropic medication without medical supervision, are you seeing a psychiatrist?
Before you go to the GP, I would suggest writing down a list of things you want to tell/ask them as once you are sitting in front of them, it is easy to become tongue tied or lose your train of thought. I think it is also important to write down how you are sleeping, how your appetite is and how you are getting on with life outside work.
Although GP's can sign a fit note for you, they are increasingly more reluctant to do so. This is because continuing to work can actually be beneficial as it provides structure to the day, and distractions that mean you avoid spending time ruminating on negative thoughts. Also because you are just registering at the surgery and don't have a relationship with any of the doctors yet, they might want to take a watchful waiting approach.
Does your employer know you suffer with depression? You state that you have suffered with it for many years. If they know/it is recorded somewhere then perhaps you can speak to someone in HR and explain you are struggling. Is it with this one person you are having difficulties with? How is she today? it might be that she has her own issues to deal with and you got the raw end of the deal. Yes this is unfair, but it happens. Have you been able to talk to her today, even just to say hello? I personally would avoid mentioing what happened yesterday unless you feel it is part of a campaign of bullying, or that you were targeted by her for some reason. We can all suffer from common sense blindness sometimes, even when the evidence is staring us in the face we can insist that we are right, it sounds as if this is what happened yesterday. Just try to keep your head down and do your work to a standard that noone can complain. If say by Monday next week you still feel aggrieved, then think about how to resolve the issue, but try, try, try and not ruminate about it. It happened yesterday, the world and you have moved on.
If work is still felling hard, do you have any holiday time left? even taking a Friday and a Monday off for a long weekend, and planning sometime to yourself can help. We have the Easter bank holidays coming up.
I hope some of this is helpful? Keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on.
yes I've been going to the doctor's with depression from the age of 14 and they have been giving me medication and reviewing it (as much as gps do). I've had many years of counselling. I've told my employer that I suffer from depression, but I think you are right - perhaps my supervisor was having a hard day and took it out on me.
I work in archaeology and the job is very physically and mentally demanding, without much reward, pay or progression even though I have a Masters degree.
I have just moved house so need to register with a new doctor. I will see what they say about the matter.
Yes I know all about having a high level of education and being paid poorly. I sometimes think that employers expect you to pay them for the privilege of working. Still I don't think I could work for an employer that I didn't feel passionate about. But it does irk sometimes!
Hello Kitten, it sounds as if you have either an unfortunate boss or she was having a bad day. a boss should not go on and on about what you did. If its a large place (which does n't sound likely for archaeology ) is there any chance of a transfer and another boss ?
There are huge advantages to continuing work which help with depression, more social contact, avoiding negative feelings about yourself, money, and often leaving less time for too much introspection. You're probably aware of all these but never the less stress levels can be caused that make it impossible to continue without at least a break from work. The fact that you have continued in work while suffering depression shows already that you have great courage and resolve as many could not have done this.
I believe that FI68 has given you excellent advice below and I would read it carefully. There are I believe many books on coping with stress and anxiety and some on coping with depression. The quality of the books will vary and it might pay to read a few over the next month or two and to save spending a fortune you'll probably find several at your local library as these are all very common problems. GP's advice and prescriptions ,and counselling and therapy all help but I have found that reading about self help is also good and leaves you with the feeling you are doing something positive to help yourself which gives all of us a better feeling.
Using this forum to vent your feelings can help also. I don't know if you are close to family but a parent or sibling who will respect your confidences could also help. maybe a weekend trip home if you don't live close to family may also help.
When not at work social activity, losing yourself in a good page turner, or dvd series can all help take your mind off problems and help prevent this work problem looming larger in your mind than it should.
My very best wishes as I know continuing in work when depressed is tough but if you can do it good and if you absolutely need a break and are at the end of your staying power try and take it as FI68 suggests.
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