I probably sound like a broken record right now, but i really am unhappy. And i know, i need to see my GP. I'm working on it. I just like to make posts as it gets my thoughts out of my head. And i have also brought a self help book called "Dare" for anxiety which helps you become less afraid of feeling anxious - so far it's going really well.
Yet theres still something missing, theres still something making me incredibly unhappy and i'm just not sure what. I don't know if maybe i'm lonely? I don't feel lonely so probably not but some close friends of mine have drifted, my other close friends have all got into serious relationships and i feel like i'm not getting anywhere really. But still i don't feel this is the main cause, maybe just a contributing factor.
I am unsure if my job is making me unhappy, or if i'm just not enjoying it because i'm unhappy in general. This depressive episode, if you can call it that, has started about a month into my new job. I'm just so bored there. It's not even a bad job, the people are okay, i don't wake up dreading it, i just come home upset and confused as i have no idea what i'm doing with my life.
I do not want to continue with that job, i know that. It bores me massively and it can never win. I complain that i don't get enough work, and that ive got barely anything to do so it's boring, but then i get masses of work another day and i get so stressed and upset as i hate knowing i have work waiting to be done.
Then again i have looked around at other job sectors and nothing interests me, which makes me think am i ever going to find a job that doesnt make me unhappy? Am i just going to have to stay unhappy for my working life? I feel like i'm not coping with the hours well, and it all seems just so scary. I've considered finding a job where i could work from home but 1. Theres barely anything i can find and 2. I think id get very isolated as much as i hate to admit it.
I just really don't know what i'm doing with my life and it feels like it's at a dead end in all honesty. Ive just lost all interest. Life bores me. I'm unhappy. I'm really, really fed up.