Mum saw my scars

My mum knows I suffer from panic attacks but she had no idea I was 'unhappy'. Where my parents are from, if you can't see something, then it doesn't exist.. I.e mental illness. This is why I just couldn't bring myself to say anything to her or my dad. I thought they'd just disregard it or try and get the vicar to talk to me. I know they think all that will help me and I appreciate the thought but it really wouldn't. They're so ignorant about all this.

I don't make a habit of cutting myself I haven't for a long time. I thought I'd grown out of needing that but the other day when I relapsed I carved a big fat 'H' into my arm. Been wearing long sleeves since. Today however, she caught me in a short sleeve when I was getting ready for bed and she sort of started yelling. I felt my breathing getting heavy so I ran to the bathroom. After a while I snuck back into my room, turned off the light and got into bed. Then I got my friend (the one I've grown to be reliant (poor guy)) to call me so she wouldn't come in and try and talk to me. Regardless, she did come in, but; I was so shocked about what happened next. Instead of continuing to yell at me she just sat on my chair and her eyes started tearing up. She said me doing this was really hurting her, and that she was always there if I needed to talk. She also said she wants me to feel like I can tell her anything, which is so strange for me. In the kind of household I'm brought up in, we don't even say I love you to each other. I don't think my parents have ever said that to me. It's just not normal for us. So to have her sit there and actually cry and worry about me really opened up my eyes. I don't think I'm ready to talk to her about anything, yet, it's reassuring to know I can.

2 Replies

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  • Might have been the breakthrough you needed with your parents! Eventually they will open their minds to it all. Fingers crossed

  • Hey there. Take things slowly. When you're ready ... let her know that you love her. The first time is the hardest and then it becomes much easier.

    There will come a time when your parents won't be around. Missing out on saying l love you is a regret you seriously do not want to live with. Be brave and take the first step ... your mum was. She could've yelled or ignored it all but she didn't ... .

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