Like many others here, I've been unable to find an answer and unable to live with my torment. There are lots of kind people here, but I can't find a solution.
I daren't write any more. Don't know why I'm writing this
Lost the plot: Like many others here, I... - Mental Health Sup...
Lost the plot
Written by
Goldfish_
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
51 Replies
•
Hi there, I'm sure there are many on here that feel like you! I'm one of them. But please remember we are all here to support you. I know it's sometimes so hard to put in words how you feel especially when mixed emotions surface and we get confused by it all. I've just looked up some hypnosis on YouTube. Worth a try. It's benefited me a bit. Don't give up!! We are strong and deserve to feel happy and peaceful. My heart goes out to you. Message me anytime. Xxxx
What's the hypnosis you tried? I've seen an hypnotist, but no benefit. My life has unraveled
If you go on your search button and put hypnosis on youtube. You have a choice! Thomas hall is a good one to go for. But go with your gut. I wish you well.
There is no answer or right or wrong way to feel when you get up in the morning and you know it's going to be another shit day just stop make your self a cup of coffee take your time to work out what you want from the day and that's it not tomorrow just today I'm not sure if any of this will help . I've BPD and last my mum last may and I take small steps because that's all I can do . Don't push yourself .
Goldfish, please remember that depression makes everything seem a million times worse than it is. There will be a way to live with this and feel happy again. xxxxxxxxxx
So they say, but it doesn't look that way to me anymore. I don't believe it
I'm so wound up with myself and my guilty regrets. Now it seems hopeless. I have a good income, but can't see that I can survive much longer
It is true, depression puts things way out of proportion. When you are well, and you will be you will see this xxxxxxxxxx
have you tried to go and talk to soneone about these 'guilty regrets' when you talk things through with a stranger it can put alot in perspective and really help i was in a bad way last year crying everyday about tnings that happened in the past that i simply cud not change so i went to lifeline it saved me at the time i talked and talked and said how i felt about things i wasnt told how i should or shoudnt feel about things it helped me just work it out in my own head by getti g someone elses perspective on things really helped too it didnt take away what gappened but help me accept how i felt about it and that it was ok to feel this way take care please be proactive today dont ket this get to you sonetimes we are so locked inside our own minds its ok to try to escape your mind and have a break respect your mind and give yourself a break x
Thanks but I see a psychiatrist and psychologist every week for 90 minutes. Also phoned Samaritans a few hundred times. Maybe I talk to too many others about this
Does your wife and children know about the tax bills? think this is the time to share the load and tell your wife , the pain i feel knowing my dad carried that worry on his own for such a long time still breaks my heart , when dad told us about the bills he felt better and we started to work it all out together and made appointments to go see accountant and gather all the evidence etc talk to your wife at least please
Yes they all know about it and my wife is involved with the accountant to try and help, but these massive bills keep coming.
Has your accountant/s thought about some submission from your gp/ psych as evidence of your mental health history to try and get some of the bills reduced , they have to work with you to make the repayments manageable and realistic its not the end of the world hmrc negotiated with dads accountant til the amount was realistically repayable they are just happy to get anything back but they need to know about your mental health difficulties do they? these are as disabling as a physical disability
if these bills were gone how would you feel?
Great. But there's no chanceof that unless I win the lottery or premium bonds
do you have any record of mental health diffuculties predating these bills that could support your case for having the bills reduced?
is everything in your name? is bankruptcy an option? my dad filed for bankrupcy and everything worked out ok
Hi Goldfish , I know you don't want any platitudes, I just want to say to you that I can empathise with how your feeling.
Depression is horrible and sometimes there are no answers, we have two Choices, to keep going or not.
Has anything triggered this feeling today??or is it the original Pensions fraud?
Hannah
Don't, just don't . I am very intuitive about people and I have a strong feeling that there is a purpose for you. You need to fulfill it. It will come to you when you are ready.
I have never written about this but I feel something has changed in you and you need support now. Is it possible to speak to an intuitive pastor? Pam
Intuitive pastor ? Now that sounds American. Can't see a way out
Try youtube and look up David Lintner . He discuses decisions of the soul. Anything you have now isn't going to matter later, make your decisions for your life based on the things that will matter to the soul. Like relationships and love. He states that you can work on yourself while you are in pain, deal with it now or deal with it later. Look deeper into yourself , make a list of what you want to change and tackle it one by one. Why not try it? Pam
Goldfish I have lots of regrets too , and if I were to sit down and list them, I would be even more Depressed. Some regrets are stuff I had no control over. ( 1) I was told I was I fertile at 22 and I really wanted children , my then husband dud t want to adopt and our marriage broke up later. I am childless and I feel this is where my Depression started.
Try and take one day at a time, if you don't want to live fir yourself, please think of your family how they will feel. I'm not sure what to say as my Depression seems to have abated at the moment , but when I am in the throes of Clinical Depression, I feel exactly like you do now I ruminate on my life and so on
The thing about Depression is that we stop doing any things that may help to make us feel good . We give up our hobbies and stop caring about ourselves , don't eat etc
What help me to escape thus horrible pit is to do one thing just 1 thing to help ourselves
Go for a walk.
Eat something you love.
Buy a book you want to read and settle down to read it.
Okay with a pet
Goldfish it doesn't matter what 1 thing you choose to do, doing even one thing will Change the neural pathways in the brain, and doing anything makes us feel better. You will have to push yourself - you won't feel like it but it will help you. Please try it .
Hannah
Hey goldfish , that's a feeling I go through , but somehow I make it through each day. Some days I don't know how but I just do.. I live alone so don't have anyone to vent or talk through. Sometimes I have phone Samaritans or used online chat to a number of charities just to talk it through and you can always talk here ?
It's hard to define what's best for us all , I guess we all find different ways to attempt to cope.
The solution sometimes comes out of nowhere I find when I least expect it!
Feel free to PM me if you wanna chat
Good God, Goldfish, did you kill someone & hide the body in your back yard??? No? Then, please, have no regrets! We all make choices, good and not so good. You've chosen to tell us how you feel. That's a great choice! Take a breathe, and please work it out with us. What happened today?
Worse than that, I have blighted the future of my wife and children. Failed with opportunities I had and worst of all left them with a father who has many failingd
We all have many failings. Is there any way to save or maybe try a new path forward for your family? Believe me, I'm the queen of falling on my face & starting over, again and again. I missed many opportunities, some my fault, others not. Don't give up Goldfish. If I can sneak out to a new life in a place I can barely afford, you can make changes, too. What are your options? What does your family say? Are they supportive? Should they be? I'll walk you through it if you like. It helps me forget the sharp turn my life is taking. 😊
Yes very supportive but don't know what do. My inclination is to sell everything, but they don't trust me and don't want to lose what they have left. Don't want to move or give up our life in a community of 35 years.
I try all sorts of things but know I'm getting weaker and not bothering now
Ok. If it's a financial problem, selling everything only alleviates things temporarily. Income is what would help. Cutting back on expenses (I'm telling this to myself, as well) is key, too. The next are rhetorical questions. No need to expose your private information. I'm just trying to stir some thoughts for you. Do you have loans? Mortgages, personal, auto loans? Can any be renegotiated to lower payments? Can any be extended a few months to give you a break until things settle? Does the wife work? Can she? Are there activities the children can do without, even temporarily? Are there any insurance premiums that can be renegotiated? Is there something either you or the wife can do part time from home to generate income? Ponder.
I am.
When things get so that you can't easily come up with working solutions, it's time to brainstorm.
Nice ideas, but it's sort of the opposite. I'm ashamed to say I now have a large income, but am not looking after it well, so I've failed to sort taxes well and have a tax bill of more than £100k for the second year running. I don't have any loans but massive capital gains tax, income tax, everything tax. That's what my financial stuff is all about - very complicated and must and like death one of life's certainties
Ah!! Then you need a tax accountant. We call them CPAs. There is ni shame in asking for help. Here, you coukd get a CPA to work up either a payment plan or a reduction in tax. There are options!! Please don't fret! It's one of those things where you just have to breathe & take it one step at a time. After my 2nd divorce I had to give up my house & good credit wuth a bankruptcy. It broke my heart. I had to take it slowly. Today my credit is improving. You are no failure! Neither am I! We hit a bump or 2. You can fix this!
I have an accountant from a large firm with tax specialists already. They have given me the details of these tax bills.
Good!! See. You've already taken steps. Keep moving in that direction. And breathe!! You'll be ok. Your family will be ok. Keep us up to date, please. It could help to talk it out. (I'm proud of you for going as far as you have!)
im 35 and grew up in difficult ircumstances , like you my father had problems with depression and negleted his tax affairs as he wasnt able to see to things , he too was born into difficult circumstances and things just escalated for him. he had a number of years unpaid tax bills with penalties and a substantial capital gains tax bill unpaid with penalties, as he had mental health difficulties and had been hospitalised a few times and also had an excellent accountant who used to work for hmrc his bill was brought down to a very manageable amount to repay he felt like he let us down but how he finally faced it and dealt with it made us so proud of him , i love my father so much and look up to him more now since what he has been through , face it dont be afraid find a solution and be done with it we would never have thought worse of daddy for what happened and only love him more now for how he faced it , it might feel like a huge amount ours was too but there is a solution just find it and face it , i know its scary we were so worried too but it got sorted eventually your family will just be so happy to have you back do your accountants know about your mental health difficulties? i really do think this shud b takin into consideration with hmrc they do consider it x
God bless you I'm here for you I know how you feel and it's hard when you have no one to turn to
With depression we all know we focus on the bad things that have happened to us in this life, but you have to get past this Goldfish because this is what is stopping you getting ahead. I really wish one day you can wake up to a better day and a better life.
You're writing it because you're a survivor. You have the essentials air,food and water. Answers and happiness are desirable options that will come to you in time. On second thoughts I'm not 100% sure about answers.Have a lot of pride that you have hung in there through a very long period of torment. Most of us know torment but you have shown the strength to endure it for a very long spell and that gives many of us additional hope.
Maybe you need reminding that most of your inputs on this forum have helped others. That and surviving maybe have to be and ought to be, enough for now until you find happiness again, which I do hope comes soon.
After a long happy spell I have again entered a black period and find your persistence somewhat inspiring. If you can hang in there I can.
You've never lost the plot , at least not in the way i would understand the phrase. Sorry I can't be more inspiring , I'm a bit short of inspiration at the moment,but I still, like you, have persistence.
Olderal
Olderal. good to hear from you and read your wisdom. Pam
Your kind comment gave me a much needed lift , Pam, but I have to say I feel more helpless than wise when unable to give a useful solution to many of the problems people are experiencing. Sometimes it seems like an examination paper where the questions get harder and harder. and all we can offer are some words we hope will be of some comfort.
Goldfish has the knowledge ,contacts ,and has had the application to try and do all the right things but is still finding life more than just difficult. However he continues to persevere and I believe that eventually he will be able to find a solution to his problems that is at least liveable with. and hopefully gives a degree of contentment. Now I would certainly feel wise if I could give him that solution but in that we have all failed him although I hope ,and am sure ,we have at times been of some comfort.
I do feel his problems are very complex and we should n't feel failures for not finding a solution to problems of which only he has enough full knowledge to solve. Until that occurs he has been to me at least , a good example of what we all need to do , hanging in there fighting.
Olderal
You're very kind.
If only I could find an answer.
Many would envy me. I'm at present in the French alps skiing, but my constant thoughts are of taking my life and how I have failed compared to my friends, when I have had such greater opportunities.
I fail to find any hope in the future and am close to ending it all, but hope that the difficulty of being in France will prevent me
Well,I for one envy you,for the skiing at least and you don't want to die in French, its probably bad enough in English. I decided to give it up when after a a few falls in any session I could no longer get up without taking my skis off (that was when they were longer and clumsier.)
Everyone fails in some respects compared with friends ,whatever their opportunities. I refuse to believe there is no hope and that applies to everyone. You are now many, many months closer to a solution and it would be a shame to waste those months of torment. Set your sights lower regarding a solution. It does n't have to be perfect or even good,acceptable will do for a while. You have so many assets in fighting this long depression although I must admit some non-existent higher power seems to have realised this and set your tests and torment correspondingly higher and longer to compensate for your greater opportunities and assets.
I'm ignorant of most ,well all, medical matters except for some reading, but I do believe its possible that part of our brains may have evolved to a level of complexity where they sometimes work against us at some level well below our consciousness and maybe that is what is making your trial such a tough prolonged one. Your own sub sub subconscious mind is the "higher power". What could be better placed to be the saboteur ?
I have recently entered one of my black spells but as usual my external circumstances have changed little,if at all. Its just that my perception, which must be coming from my own mind ,where else, now sees every thing as black and hopeless, So annoying and frustrating that its just a matter of perception but I seem powerless to change it until the switch returns to "undepressed."
Just a few thoughts and wishing you well.
Olderal
Hi Goldfish, it's my turn to reply to you now. Quite a few weeks ago you gave me clear, concise information about my heart results and since then, I look you up to see how you are because of your problems but also I like to read your replies.
Got in bed tonight, turned my mobile on and I see your post and even though it's late, I wanted to reply to you.
That is the effect you have on me and all the other people who have replied to you.
YOU ARE WORTHY OF MY TIME
My simplistic opinion of you is that you already know, what anyone here is advising you to try out. So you think, I've already tried that and it doesn't work.
But it is working, more or less. Things take time.
Nothing is worth, ending your life.
I suppose, you are a bit of a 'know it all', but I like you.
Just thought, maybe, thinking you know it all is the problem. Let us help you.
Please accept you are depressed, and that is why you are having these thoughts BUT NO WAY are you going to act on them.
You say your friends, have done things better. But have they?
The other mans' grass is always greener!
Everyone values things differently. You might think they've managed things better than you but maybe they value some of your qualities that they believe they lack.
Nothing is as it seems.
Just checked the time, it's 3.30 am. I'd better get some sleep.
Look after yourself x
Kind thoughts indeed. In fact there are so many people who are kind to me that that makes me feel bad as I am not as kind as them. Yes too much of a know it all has set me into a very bad place. It's funny that the mind can turn everything around from positive to negative.
Everything continues to build up, the small steps all seem to be backwards.
I've now increased all my negativity to include decisions about my children's education, where we chose to live, it's pretty much everything that I've done and all the major decisions, I view as being bad.
I really would like to turn this around but seem intent on ending my life
Goldfish, Stop. You are kind.
When people post their problems, you are one of the first people who responds.
You are kind and caring and thoughtful.
Probably too thoughtful.
Stop wasting your life with these unnecessary thoughts.
Talk to you again later. Got to take my mum to my sister in law. They are going to bake some pastries.
Meanwhile enjoy the skiing and your family.
I will speak to you tonight x
Hi Goldfish, it's me again.
Sorry can't speak to you till tonight. Thought I better explain. Got appointment with doctor today, for my daughter. Then blood test for me, getting tested for celiac. Then later going round to my granddaughter to help with her bath.
We have all got our "rubbish".
But thank goodness, together with the "rubbish" there are glimmers of gold, like my granddaughter.
Please look for the glimmers of gold.
We can only do what we can.
Going to have a cup of tea now, then get ready for the doctor. That's where my name for "tea n chat" comes from.
I like my cup of tea 🍵 x
Hi Goldfish, why is it ok for you to call us kind but you don't accept any of our compliments?
Your negative list is long enough but now you are trying to make it longer!
This is not allowed.
I'm sure your wife and family had some say where you lived and about your children's education.
I know, I had my say in these decisions.
So stop shouldering all the responsibility onto yourself, just because you want to make your list longer.
I too, sometimes say, I've had enough worries. Please, no more. Mine were more connected with my children's health and then after 40 years my husband wanted a divorce.
I still cry sometimes, end up with red eyes, runny nose and headache. Then I think, right, that's enough.
Look after yourself
OR for a change
Let your wife and family look after you x
Hi Goldfish, how are you ? xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Still here. Skiing in freezing white out conditions today in an attempt to distract my intrusive ruminating thinking .
Trying Buddhist mantras, positive comments but overwhelmed with regrets at seeing the life my children could have been enjoying here.
Not what you're looking for?
You may also like...
Lost...
Really lost at the moment. Horrible, awful day. Can't really find the words to describe it, but...
LOST
Am I always going to be like the Minataur going round and round looking at the past and dissecting...
loosing the plot
A suffer from anxiety depression I come home from my nightshift on wed morning to my boyfriend...
loosing the plot update
Nothing has changed still the same no contact of him he blocked my calls on Monday when I last...
lost......
not been on here in a while.....was diagnosed with PND around november time but to be honest i have...
Lost 
Lost
Feeling Lost
