I came to your site last night wondering why I was so down, so devastated by the holidays, even though, in my most difficult years, I had not felt this bad. I couldn't stop crying and absolutely hating myself for feeling this way. What I found here were so many people in pain, deep, dark pain that they could not shake. I read many entries and instead of finding myself there, I found I wanted to reach out to each person. I still do. I went to another site that finally rang true for me and I had an epiphany: I am in a very emotionally abusive relationship. I have been manipulated and bullied for 5 years, on and off. This holiday season, he hasn't stopped. That was the source of my pain. I will deal with that. But turning back to this site, I want all who are hurting to know: you are not alone. I cannot heal your ills, but I do understand how it feels, the hopelessness, the fear, the panic. I hear you. I care. I want you to be happy. I want you to be strong. My Christmas wish is for you to find peace, even if for just a moment. Whether you believe or not, I will pray for you. I'll get through my pain. I will stand strong again. I pray the same strength for you. Do not give up hope. If you have hit bottom, I offer my boney, old hand to help you up. You are loved.