Ever since I was 13 or so one of the things I enjoyed doing(even now) is listening to very creepy music(such as dracula themed pipe organs, creepy pianos/sythesized, music box) and at the same time fantasizing about the worst despairs that can happen in life. And I seem to enjoy moment of it. I have a huge collection of those kind of music in my iPod. I love dracula/vampires, ghosts, and all the transylvanian stuff btw. I also love the dark. Sometimes I would go outside in the darkness while listening to this kind of music. I don't just listen to it when I'm depressed but I listen to it when I'm happy as well. Listening to creepy music on a full moon night is a must!
2 months ago I drove 11 miles on the most haunted road in the U.S at midnight while turning on very creepy music and I loved every bit of it. My favorite holiday is halloween. I love spookiness. It reminds me of despair. I also fantasize about tragedy and sorrow. For example, I watched an anime where a ghost boy came back to the real world in order to fulfill his goals he wanted to do while he was alive and once he did it he was purified and disappeared. I felt sorry for him but loved the feeling of pity. It makes me want myself to experience the same situation so people can also feel pity about me just how I do to those characters. I also fantasize about dying in the most mysterious way where no one can see me die(except for the killer).
Ok so what the hell is wrong with me? Do I have some sort of goth obsession mental illness?