Is this a normal symptom of depression or am I just a goth?

Ever since I was 13 or so one of the things I enjoyed doing(even now) is listening to very creepy music(such as dracula themed pipe organs, creepy pianos/sythesized, music box) and at the same time fantasizing about the worst despairs that can happen in life. And I seem to enjoy moment of it. I have a huge collection of those kind of music in my iPod. I love dracula/vampires, ghosts, and all the transylvanian stuff btw. I also love the dark. Sometimes I would go outside in the darkness while listening to this kind of music. I don't just listen to it when I'm depressed but I listen to it when I'm happy as well. Listening to creepy music on a full moon night is a must!

2 months ago I drove 11 miles on the most haunted road in the U.S at midnight while turning on very creepy music and I loved every bit of it. My favorite holiday is halloween. I love spookiness. It reminds me of despair. I also fantasize about tragedy and sorrow. For example, I watched an anime where a ghost boy came back to the real world in order to fulfill his goals he wanted to do while he was alive and once he did it he was purified and disappeared. I felt sorry for him but loved the feeling of pity. It makes me want myself to experience the same situation so people can also feel pity about me just how I do to those characters. I also fantasize about dying in the most mysterious way where no one can see me die(except for the killer).

Ok so what the hell is wrong with me? Do I have some sort of goth obsession mental illness?

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6 Replies

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  • Hi there can I ask what age you are now?

    Hannah

  • I am 22

  • The devil has his claws in you .. He has in me too .. Dragging me down

  • I would say; whether or not this is linked to a problem is whether it's affecting your day to day functioning and mental health. Do you feel these interests cause you a problem? If the answer is no, then I suspect you are fine and just have interesting likes. If the answer is yes, this is negatively affecting your day to day life then that is perhaps where there is a problem somewhere whether mental health or not.

    It's pretty normal to have these sorts of strong interests. And to be honest even if you had these interests and also had a mental health problem, it still doesn't mean these interests and passions are the cause, or are a negative thing.

    Do you have friends with the same interests? Maybe sharing this with similar minded people would be a positive for you.

  • Omg I thought I replied back to this thread... sorry for the late response. But no this is not negatively affecting my lifestyle. I enjoy it and I feel like its part of my self. Of course, my close ones think I'm weird but I don't mind. I listen to creepy music when I am depressed and it helps in a way that it makes me think 'its ok to be depressed. death is nothing to be scared about. despair will soon approach' something like that but I enjoy that thrilling doom feeling

  • If its not effecting your life in a negative way you shouldn't worry about it.

    We all have what we like, some people like sports and others enjoy monsters. It's all about taste, and just because your taste dont fall into the more socially common interests doesnt mean there is anything wrong with you. As long as you're not being destructive to yourself or others, you're

    fine

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