Hi, i'm 48, have a long history of Depression/Anxiety, also diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder.
Something happened yesterday, that has made me doubt my self-worth even more than usual. (Too difficult to talk about at this stage)
Also, this year seems to be the year that the D.W.P., want to take every opportunity to humiliate me, by putting me through assessment after assessment, the first of which was for transfer from D.L.A to P.I.P., where the Capita assessor, lied about several things, but this didn't seem to bother the Tribunal. I ended up losing my lifetime award of D.L.A., and of course, I don't fit the criteria for P.I.P., because they keep changing it so most people won't.
That was in February of this year, and now they are forcing me to go through the E.S.A.50 claim form debacle once again. It appears that they love to target those with little energy left to fight, or who are vulnerable. So I look forward to once again being humiliated, and lied about. NOT
The impact of all of this, is just horrendous, I live in constant fear, i'm sure a lot of you will be able to relate, my self esteem, well I haven't seen that in a long time, same as self-worth.
I hurt no-one, I survive the only way I know how, by keeping myself to myself, I barely see or speak to anyone, why can't they just leave me alone?
I'm not a scrounger, never have been, never will be, but that's what i'm portrayed as, and people like me.
I try so hard NOT to let depression etc, rule my life, but it's all the seemingly little things that build up, that eat away at every last piece of self-respect, or anything slightly positive that I cling to.
When will this ever end?
Am I really worth nothing?