Depression and Work Problems

[catmother]

My depression is causing me a lot of problems at work and I'm really worried about it. Most mornings I am anywhere from an hour to an hour and a half late, but I always stay over an extra hour or so to make up for it. However, this morning I was two full hours late and the CEO and president of the company were both looking for me. I work for a very small company so it is very noticeable when I'm not there. I spoke with the president and turns out they have been worried about me in the mornings. I explained that I have been struggling with depression and since I am in between insurances right now I can't go see my psychiatrist or psychologist. She seemed understanding (she has a P.h.D. in psychology) and offered to let me work a reduced or altered schedule until my insurance comes through (about 8 days). I prefer to continue with the schedule that I have been working which is about 9-6.

Typing this out I feel like I shouldn't be worried, but I my anxiety is getting the best of me. While we were talking I was crying my eyes out and an emotional wreck in general. Although she was very nice about it, I am worried that I am going to be seen as using my depression as an excuse and just wanting people to feel sorry for me. Furthermore, I'm afraid that my inability to concentrate is also going to eventually cause a problem. This could just be my anxiety, but I am really worried that in the end they will see me as a risk to the company and will let me go. I just keep thinking that although she was outwardly nice and understanding, she was really hating me and thinking I was just being dramatic and that I'm lazy.

Maybe this is more of an anxiety question, but how can I calm myself down?

[gem12135]

Just read your post and I think its brilliant your making it to work at all. You will know yourself when the time is right for you to take sick leave if you require it. Your company seem very understanding and willing to help you and your a valid member of the team.

Lovely, you are not dramatic and lazy just take each day as it comes and see how it goes from there. Take care

[catmother in reply to gem12135]

Thank you. I hope that they continue to work with me. It's just so difficult to get motivated to come in the mornings. It's really hard to get motivated to do much of anything, but I want to be a good employee.

[Celtic27]

Hi catmother im sorry. To see you have depression as i have it can be hard its really good your employer is taking you depression into account and has reduced your hours to help there are not many bosses Who have such a understanding attitude i hope you can het well soon. David

[catmother in reply to Celtic27]

Thank you for the well wishes!

[MattBuckland]

Hi catmother

I can totally relate, have just gone on reduced hours, all the guilt etc (all the stuff you said). It sounds like you have a good employer who values you and that must be because you are good at your job and they want to keep a hold of you.

9-6 is a long day ( other people do more but it doesn't diminish this) and maybe taking the reduced hours will give you a bit of breathing space. Better that than ending up getting worse or like me who had a breakdown.

One of my biggest problems is work life balance, not sure if you have your health and social life pinned down, but if not it is time to readdress this as well.

Projecting thoughts on to others is a waste of time and you are not a mind reader, so try hard not to do this and concentrate on how you feel.

All hard things to do and stuff I am struggling with big time, hope you can push through it.

All the best, Matt

[catmother in reply to MattBuckland]

Thank you for your reply. I'm not completely opposed to taking reduced hours, but I worry about other employees thinking that I'm getting special treatment. I want to try to continue working full time, but I do need to remember to take time for my mental health when I need to.

[MattBuckland in reply to catmother]

No worries Catmother

Just remember that if one of your colleagues had broken their leg they would be treated accordingly.

Wishing you well, Matt