Broken

[Arrianne56]

I don't really know where to start. I feel so low and depressed. I feel I have so many issues going on in my life and I can't seem to resolve them.

I am 56 years old. I feel there is nothing to go on living for anymore. I don't want to come across as someone who is feeling sorry for myself. I genuinely feel broken in spirit and lost.

I find as I write this I cannot even pen what the problems are as there are so many.

[Iluvhorses]

Hey there im sorry youre feeling so low :(. Maybe you could just post about one of your problems and then gradually start talking about your other ones.

[Arrianne56 in reply to Iluvhorses]

I believe my problems stem from my childhood. My mother and I never had a close bond. I grew up feeling inadequate and unloved. I craved for any sort of recognition or affection from her. My brothers received my mothers attention and love, I always felt on the outside looking in on my family. I believed it was me, I tried so hard as a child to make her proud of me but it was to no avail. I blamed myself and thought I must be a bad worthless person.

My mother was critical of everything I did which didn't stop as I reach adulthood. I was sent to boarding school at the age of 9, my brothers attended an all boys school so I wasn't able to get close to my siblings either.

My father travelled abroad on business and my mother usually went with him. He attended parents open days etc. I felt loved by my father but I didn't see much of him as a child to be honest.

If I had to pin point where my emotional instability stems from I would say from my childhood. I would have loved to be close emotionally with my mother however she always kept me at arms length. I cannot recall her ever hugging me or telling me she loved me. Maybe I was a disappointment to her. I tried so hard to better myself as a child and win her approval.

[Iluvhorses in reply to Arrianne56]

It does sound like your past is the root of your problems. Having a rough childhood can make it hard for someone to deal with other things because it can hurt your self-esteem among other things thus causing a ripple effect. Your Mom kind of sounds like my Dad.

[Goldfish_]

Lots of relevant stuff in the past but it's now about trying to find some hope for the future.

Problem solving, ?medication, ?psychotherapy.

This is really difficult but women do seem to do better than men at surviving.

I can identify with some of this and would encourage you to see a doctor and psychotherapist.

[Arrianne56 in reply to Goldfish_]

Hello Goldfish

I have seen my doctor and physiatrist. I'm on medication for my depression and anxiety problems, I do get tired of feeling like a zombie though. Most medication makes me feel numb and it's difficult to function properly.

Over the years I have been on so many different antidepressants none of which have truly made a significant difference. I am trying to stay positive but I often feel I am beyond help.

Regards Arrianne

[welly10]

Hi 😊 Try working out one problem at a time and see what happens you cannot front all your problems and issues at the same time no one can.but if you take baby steps and day by day you can and will resolve your problems.i hope it works out for you keep eating drinks no water and getting sleep.if you miss these out it will add to your problem wish you well for the future.there is a light and there are people on here that have been where you are I'm a prime example was off work for 8 months with depression.went back on phased return then got sacked but got a new job with better hours but I'm away from my family but I take it one day at a time if I can anyone can good luck.

[Arrianne56 in reply to welly10]

Thank you welly10. It has helped slightly talking a little about it.

No one around me understands, I guess unless you have suffered with depression you can't truly understand.

Arrianne