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Is this a turning point or will I just go down hill again?

Hi I have posted on here a few times about my life and how I feel. I have depression I know that. My husband soon to be ex has moved on and got a girlfriend but to be honest I can't seeing lasting long as he can't help but cheat and lie but I know I have to sit back and watch. I'm not a cruel person but what he has done to me has really effected me. I have found myself dating a really nice guy and took me out for a meal and we have a great laugh. He messages me everyday which is lovely but I'm scared because of my past. My husband(ex) used to hit me not everyday but looking back it was physically,mentally and emotional abuse. I'm not rushing into anything with this new man but I have told him about my past and seems to understand but I don't even know if I could ever get close to another guy and I want that loving relationship but I'm just scared incase he turns round and hits me what do I do?

1 Reply

Hi Happyheart

I am not a professional counsellor or a marriage counsellor far from it & I would never profess to be!

Just turning it round a little! I'm wondering what advice you would give to another person who had posted what you have posted? I don't mean to be rude or offensive to you, I just think sometimes when we flip things on to their side, we can see things from a different perspective!

You say your ex used to abuse you which is horrible & must have been a terrible experience for you. However, you do say you have split & he is moving on & has a new partner & you have said you don't think his relationship will not last because of his cheating & lying & you feel you have to sit on the sideline & watch him mess up another persons life, this is a choice that you have made to sit and watch him, it seems like you want to sit & watch him fail or hurt someone else, do you still care for him? And feel that you can't let go? Do you not think Now is the time to turn around, walk away & let him get on with it?

You also said you have met a man who you had a really good time with & he obviously like you a lot or he wouldn't message you everyday! However, you also said you will never get close to another man, incase he turns round & hits you like your ex did!

It is important that we don't tar everyone with the same brush, or assume that behaviour would be repeated, or we would never enjoy or have the chance to have any new loving relationships! Not everyone is the same, and it seems like you may not allow yourself to give this new man & you a chance! You have told him your past & what happened! Your hesitation about getting too close is understandable, but please don't deny your change to be happy! You have had an abusive relationship, this might sound strange, which has given you some powerful & essential tools that you can use to your benefit you & any future relationships. You know the signs of when things started to go wrong in your last relationship, and the pattern of behaviour displayed leading up to the abuse! Which means you have the knowledge to know when to back out & make sure it doesn't happen again! Not every man or woman is the same in their manner or behaviour.

Maybe it's now time to turn around & give yourself a chance to move on & move away from your past! To give life & You a new beginning? I can imagine you will take this new relationship slowly, a day at a time! You deserve to have a positive future, but you can't do that if you are living with one foot in the past! Let your ex get on with his life & take his nastiness & abuse with him!

Give yourself a chance to have new beginnings, it's not going to be easy you know that, but giving yourself a chance of happiness again! What have you got to lose with this new man, if you feel things are moving too fast you can slow things down until you feel they are at a level you are comfortable with!

Life is about taking chances each & every day we make choices & taking chances! It might be helpful for you to 'Take a day at a time' and see how things pan out!

Sorry it's such a long post!

Good Luck & Take Care. spykey


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