I should be happy....

[Breatthe-]

I've got everything, I have my boyfriend and he's everything, and without him I wouldn't be alive today..

I should be happy.... But I'm not.. I spend my days in my room not leaving it because I don't want people to see me, I can't speak to people, I avoid my family because I feel unwanted or a waste of space... I've been sitting in the dark just staring at nothing for ages, not knowing what to do... And I feel guilty for everything, I'll blame myself for every little thing, I spend my nights not being able to sleep because of the guilt of something that sometimes happened years ago,

I've lost interest in nearly all my hobbies, I never really go out, I'm constantly tired... And then at nights I can not sleep...

[Stilltrying_]

You have the key of what is the problem with you in what you wrote; it is those things that sometimes happened years ago. Get yourself to a GP and a counsellor and talk about it ; this is the only way for you to stop feeling like this.

Our minds are strange things. If something is bothering us it will keep reminding us until we deal with it. It is the mind's way of trying to get help. It is telling you you are in pain and need to deal with it. Once you do it won't be as bad as this lethargy and this limbo you are going through at the moment.

So get yourself down to some counselling!!

Gemma XXxx

[Olderal]

Most things you're describing are classic depression symptoms.

See your GP and get some help. It will probably go away on its own eventually but the symptoms you are describing obviously make life very unpleasant and unless you're very unlucky indeed treatment will make it go away,not immediately, but much more quickly. It always seems like a lifetime without treatment and just the fact that you are doing all you can to lose it will be a big help in itself as it will make you feel less helpless and more in control.

In the meantime try to avoid major decisions , eat healthily, and keep regular bedtimes whether you are sleeping or not. None of these things will be enough on their own but will help a bit and not doing them will definitely slow your recovery.

I don't have to tell you that worrying about anything that happened in the past is totally unproductive and probably damaging, so try a nd cut it out. Easier said than done but try. When your depression ends all those bad things you're describing will vanish with almost certainly no damaging effects.

Its hard to live life normally when depressed but any effort you can make to socialise,get fresh air and exercise, carry on with hobbies ,will help too. The things you need to do to lose depression are the very things its hard to do, but the effort you make to do as much as you can is very important and makes carrying on with normal life when you recover so much easier.

Olderal