Losing my council tax relief and other stress

I am under threat of losing my council tax relief Why? Because I let my daughter (unsure whether she is or not!) stay for less than a month! I also have to get a friend to occasionally stay due to my disabilities! I have explained all this to the Council and have medical proof that I occasionally need someone to stay overnight or even during the day! I have refused having a social services helper as I don't trust them nor can I afford the £14.39 contribution!

I have very few people I trust or know well enough to stay over so I rely on one or the other of two of my male friends or a neighbour who is not only my best friend but my ex! As it is I find the contribution i pay towards my tax is extremely hard to find!

I also have the pain and the stress of the hospital I blame for my Mother's death asking for a third set of forms to be filled as they claim not to have received the first two sets I filled ( one handed personally to hospital receptionist) I am so fed up with beaurocracy , I have gone to the one organisation that may be able to get me the answers I need!! It's the CQC !

The Coroner's office still has not got back to me,so all of this is making me lose my mind the stress of all of this is genuinely killing me ! I know I am not as strong as other people,but try so hard to keep things together!

I no longer want anyone around me, I just want to lay down and forget everything but can't! I would have thought the council would be happy I am not being a burden on their services ( what services Brighton council have left ,after the cuts) seems I was wrong ! Why can't I just be left alone? I don't bother anyone or am a hindrance to society! I am just a Male who is trying to come to terms with my inabilities and am trying so hard to cope with it all . What can I do to get them to leave me alone?


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16 Replies

  • Hi Dell, firstly welcome to the group. I just wanted to offer my condolences for the loss of your Mum. I think it's awful that the hospital is messing you around and I hope they get it in gear and give you the closure and result you need.

    It was very nice of you to let your daughter stay with you. Is the question of her parentage a stress too? Can they really take away your benefit because of that? How did they find out?

    Could you nominate one of your friends/neighbours as a carer? That way they could get carers allowance so you wouldn't have to worry about contributions etc.

    It sounds to me as if you are strong. It sounds like you suffer from a disabling illness and have managed to develop a support system of people you are close to. You've lost your Mum, that grief will obviously be playing a huge part in how you are feeling.

    Have you been to the Doctors about treatment options? Anti-depressants and talking therapies could help.


  • Hi Lori, I take Citalopram and occasionally diazepam for stress and depression! Some on here know about my Mum's death and how long it took to be able to have her funeral!this was because the hospital lied about her cause of death! I wish I was strong but I know I am not, I always used to be the strong one in the family until my breakdown,now I don't have the strength to even pretend I am strong! I used to pay maintenance for my "Daughter" until she was 15 but was told by her Mother a week after I helped her get accommodation via local council that she was not my Child! In truth I don't know whether she is or not( her mother says a lot of things that are not true) in one way I hope she is not in another I hope she is So my help was not a waste!

    I don't want to claim for carers allowance as I get by using low rate DLA and high Mobility allowance, I feel bad enough being on benefits and not being able to work,where I live there are a few people who receive benefits and take the system for a ride. I was brought up to earn my keep! All of this is really getting hard to handle,but I am trying to get myself together hopefully be able to get the operations i am waiting for over so I can look for work again!

  • That's awful about your Mum. It must have been hard enough to lose her, let alone have to go through what you are going through now.

    I know what you mean about losing your strength. An event triggered this bout of depression which essentially made me fall apart. I don't mean to sound melodramatic, but it's true. I couldn't control my emotions, I could just about tolerate being alive. I too use diazepam when I'm going through a tough moment. I'm into my seventh month of this bout and I am only just starting to recognise my self. I feel my strength come back to me in little pieces every day.

    It sounds like you've had a tough time with the Mother. At the end of the day, irrespective of her, you have done a good thing for your daughter. I imagine the confusion you feel over this doesn't help.

    You need to stop being so hard on yourself. Yes there are people how shamelessly take advantage of the system, but there are also people like you out there that need it. When I was in work I would never have begrudged paying my taxes to help support someone who genuinely needed the help. If you are able to return to work then that's great, but if not, that is also okay. The carers allowance would go to pay the people who look after you. You wouldn't get it.

    I see a Welfare nurse who is paid by Age UK (she covers all ages- I'm in my 30s), and she said that sometimes she can arrange for carers to go on a paid weekend away as a rest. You deserve all the help you can get.

    It really does sound like you'd benefit from talking to a counsellor about your situation, but it'll only work if it's what you want.


  • Lori I spoke to a counselor on the phone as round here they don't do home visits ( I am agoraphobic now) just made me feel worse, I try to keep things to myself, I know that may sound strange as I post here! But here no one knows who I am so I can post without fear of anyone that I know,knowing how I feel,plus I can't be carted away if I put something on here and it is misconstrued! Plus I always seem to get the right answer here!

  • That's understandable. This is definitely a good place to get support. Especially anonymously. I just think that you won't get the thorough help you need. I'm obviously happy to listen and try and help, but I would worry that I could make things worse in some way.

    I really feel like I want to get into the nitty gritty with you because I would really love to help you get better. As far as I'm aware they would only ever farm you off if you were a danger to yourself or others.


  • I don't think I have ever been a danger to anyone else,but have been a danger to myself in the past,thankfully I know the signs of when I am getting in that kind of state it's then that I will contact my GP, only happened twice last time wasn't very clever just painful and don't want to go through it again!

  • Don't worry, I definitely didn't think you were a danger. That's really good that you are able to see the signs, I wish I knew my signs.

  • Hi

    You are letting pride get in the way, i detest the scroungers and loathe the fact they use my taxes to support them, i worked for 40 years before i had to stop due to a poor ticker and a severe back problem and its when i couldn't work when depression set in. But for people like your self that have worked i would gladly let my taxes be used to assist you so forget your pride and get all the help you can.

  • Thank you Robert, I appreciate your kind words .

  • Dell01 have you been in touch with Citizen's Advice. citizensadvice.org.uk/about... They are impartial and will respect your need for privacy. Whilst they normally operate through personal appointments they also have a telephone advice service.

  • I didn't know cab would deal with something like this?

  • CAB covers a very wide range of issues and council tax is just one of them. That doesn't mean that there will be a local expert but they will ensure that you have access to the best resources if there isn't. citizensadvice.org.uk/tax/c...

    I have just had a thought - those people who come stay at your place, are they paying council tax elsewhere? If they are then you cannot be charged council tax for their short-term occupancy (as far as I understand the rules).

  • My daughter was the only one who did not have her own place for about two/Three weeks,my other friends live within a two mile radius from me! The council already know this, I notify the council if anyone ie family or friend stays for a holiday (never more than one week) I try to keep myself to myself but I do need company some time,otherwise I have my ex partner comes to do my cleaning and laundry ( I do pay her even though she complains, I know what little I do give her helps as on a pension now! She is a bit older than me) I do not have a physical relationship with her she is my best friend! Council know we are ex partners, I am completely open to them,in fact I was told by them that they didn't need to know that, all they wanted to know was whether I was in a relationship co-habitating. I find it difficult to be around people at the best of times( partly due to my PTSD) so I don't have any relationships. I had a stroke a while back and I go into deep sleep sometimes I also have a degenerative skeletal disease Diverticulitis and Chrome's disease. I normally only get some one to stay when I have a Diverticular upset as that is normally (when it subsides) I have the sleeping sickness! Apparently it's because of the sickness and the runs bleeding etc etc that makes me weak hence the sleep! Ambulances have taken me to hospital for intravenous drips anti biotics etc and normally I am back to normal within 24 hours!

  • Ok, totally aside from the question then do an internet search on turmeric + each of your conditions. Then do another with kefir + .... It is amazing what inflammation and poor microbiome can lead to. Though sometimes it is not clear which came first, healing both can have amazing results.

    Other than that do get in touch with CAB on Monday. From what you have said, they will help you sort your situation out.

    Best of luck :)

  • Thankyou very much, you have given me a lot to look into I do appreciate your help!

  • you're welcome. I hope that it helps :)

    Good luck

    I'm going to add another thought or 3 that just came to me....

    If you are unable to get out of your house you are a) not going to be getting enough exercise nor b) will you be getting enough sunshine.

    Sunshine can be a great pick-me-up. If you cannot at the least spend part of each day in your garden then try to ensure that you sit in front of an open window or open exit doorway, through which the sun is shining, for at least 20 minutes a day. Longer would be preferable or multiple sessions perhaps.

    Exercise can also help healing and given your situation a rebounder (mini trampoline) would be ideal

    since it can be done inside and only needs around the same amount of space as a large armchair. It is fast becoming recognised as the best form of exercise you can get. It gets the lymphatic system moving better than anything else, clearing toxins from the body, prevents and even repairs bone degeneration, is easier on the joints than jogging and is appropriate for any level of fitness - even people who are wheelchair bound can benefit from rebounding. Nasa even use it as part of their training program rebound-aerobics.com/NASA_r...

    And finally (at this point ;) ) look into diaphragmatic breathing. Done properly and regularly this can improve both mental and physical health. There are some good videos (plus some rubbish one too) on youtube, like this one as a starter