Can't shake off the depression

[natejohnson0201]

My life has taken a downwards spiral for a few years now. Lost jobs, broke, I had to move home. I have like zero friends and a family that listens but doesn't listen. I'm having a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I try to focus on positive things but even those are few and far in between. I don't know what to do. I see people around me enjoying life and it's seems so easy for them.. I don't know what's wrong with me...

[Iluvhorses]

You sound like my mother who has severe depression. Maybe you could try medication and/or therapy if you haven't already. Good luck!

[natejohnson0201 in reply to Iluvhorses]

I have meds I just got and I'm nervous to try it. I tried meds once before and it messed me up. I was bed ridden after one pill. It was worse then the depression.

[Iluvhorses in reply to natejohnson0201]

I have moderate to severe depression too and I'm a Christian. My faith has helped me a ton and is the reason that I can function. Its okay if you don't share my beliefs though.

[lin62-65ze]

Firstly you need to see a GP. Anything which is affecting your life like this is unacceptable. You say you have been fighting this for a long time, depression can be treated successfully and you need help now. Please see a GP today if possible and get on some medication ASAP. Once it kicks in you will gradually get your life back. Don't leave this untreated any longer😊😊 you WILL get better soon.

[zitamay in reply to lin62-65ze]

Meds are big fraud. All they did for me to get hooked on them and gained 50 pounds in three years and lost my sex drive. I might got better at the start but end of the day created more problems WHICH I AM NOW DEPRESSED ABOUT.

[natejohnson0201 in reply to lin62-65ze]

I have meds to take. Just nervous to take them. I'm trying to get back into a job full time and hopefully find more friends as well. I really want connection and maybe it's me not letting that happen. I'm just glad I have someone to talk to, cause right now at home it's not seeming like I do. I think maybe they're just sick of hearing about it.

[LoriMS61]

Hi Nate,

I can totally relate to feeling like things have been bad for a while. I'm not sure what you mean by lost jobs, do you mean you were fired, made redundant or had to quit? I had to quit my job because of my depression, and have been made redundant in the past 2 years so I know how both of those feel.

You also said that you had/have money worries. Is that still a problem? I posted a reply on someone else's thread (I think it was called Worrying about money), maybe that advice could be transferable to you. If not, I can still try and help.

I don't know how old you are, but I imagine moving home knocked your confidence. Flip it into a positive and see that you had the option to move home and be supported by your family who love you.

I know what you mean about seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, that was my introductory comment when I joined last week. Have you set yourself a goal to work towards? That might help.

Do you actually have no friends or is it the case that you feel like you don't have any friends? What are your hobbies, could you join a club/group?

When you look at people enjoying life around you they are making the most of the moment. I'm at the age where all of my close friends are having children and I can't because of the anti-depressants. I go on Facebook and it is filled with people doing amazing things, but I have to remind myself firstly to be happy for them and secondly that it is the highlight reel to their life. They won't share when they've had a fight with a spouse or had a really bad day at work, when they've put weight on or when they've had a substandard meal not worth photographing. You don't know what those people are thinking. You can only control your reality.

I definitely think you should go to see your Doctor, perhaps counselling would help? It sounds to me that you are a bit lost at the moment, but providing you take steps, you'll pull yourself out of it.

Hope this helps.

Lori

[natejohnson0201 in reply to LoriMS61]

Thanks for the reply. I was fired from my last 2 jobs. Mainly because I can't put 100% info the job cause my mind is not focused. All I can think about its this depression. I'm 34 and I have terrible student loan and credit debt. My credit is ruined. I have zero money, last time I checked I was in the negative. I have a girlfriend and she wants to go out and have fun... I don't have money for that . She's gonna leave me cause of that and also my disconnect. It's like every fassett of my life is crumbling. I mean everything. I've seen a doctor I have meds that I can start but I'm scared too. I've tried therapy and even electro therapy ! Nothing really helps. Only thing that I find comforting is talking to you guys. Only people that seem to understand.

[LoriMS61 in reply to natejohnson0201]

Well I am glad that you can find comfort here. Before I was willing to accept that I could get better I was consumed by my depression. A crisis team had to come and see me every day to make sure that I wasn't harming myself. I had nothing to distract me, I was just sat there punishing myself waiting for the day to pass by so that it would blur into another.

However I then met my counsellor who helped me to understand myself in more detail. She told me to imagine three balls. One ball was my sooth ball, one my drive ball and one my threat ball. At the time I found everything terrifying; from going food shopping to being in my kitchen near my knives. My threat ball was the size of a house. The we talked about my drive ball. How motivated I was. I found it difficult to maintain personal hygiene, to eat the right things, to generally care about anything. My drive ball was the same size as a golf ball. Lastly we came to my sooth ball. Following discussion it arose that I didn't actually know how to self sooth. I didn't even have a sooth ball. My counsellor told me that I needed to develop ways to be kind to myself. After a couple of days I got my camera out and started snapping pictures, I ate the yummy chocolate and didn't punish myself, I cuddled my dog and told my husband I loved him. I learned how to self sooth. I tell you all this because I imagine you are now where I was.

I would say now that my sooth ball is the same size as I am, my motivation ball is probably the size of my dog (average size) and that my threat ball is the size of a bungalow.

You can't fix all of your problems in one go, that's way too hard and way too overwhelming. I am lucky in that my husband is amazingly understanding. I've had to care for him in the past and with everything we've been through we are a team. I'm not saying this because I am rubbing it in, but I wonder if you've talked to your girlfriend about how you feel. If she knows that you don't have a job then she can't be surprised that you can't afford to go places. If she leaves you then that says more about her than it does about you.

I'm not sure I know what you mean by electro therapy, can you explain?

Nothing is going to change if you don't change. My friend said something that has stuck with me. She said: whether you believe you can or believe you can't, you are right.

Lori

[blossomgirl in reply to natejohnson0201]

It helps to share. I feel so helpless and down on myself. I put the pressure on and doubt my capabilities even though I have lots of positive feedback from others. It's like I'm 2 people. Old and new. New is broken and trying to mend but so hard. Keep talking. Happy to chat.

[spykey]

Hi Nate

Welcome to the forum

Sounds like you're having a rough time of it! You say you've been on a downward spiral for a few years! Have you had support during these years? Your GP, family or friends? Have you been talking to your GP through these times? Or have you been worried about talking with anyone, incase they made judgements against you?

Your GP is the best person to talk to first! And they Will listen, it's better if you find a GP in a practice that does listen & stick with them! I mean try to see them on a regular basis, as seeing different Dr's can confuse things! You can ask for a double appointment, so you can talk to them without rushing as you know others are waiting! It might help to take a list of what you want to talk about, or even a diary of what & how you have been feeling, to give a more accurate account, as I know it can be difficult to remember when you get there & may find it stressful! But like the others have said you Need to talk to your Dr first! They may give you meds advise counselling or other therapies & refer you to your local Mental Health team, depending how they work?!?

You said you've zero friends & family that listen, but don't listen! Does that mean you have friends who just don't listen, & family that don't either?

It can be difficult to see the light when life feels like it is overwhelming & you lose sight of that light. Having to move can be stressful! However, you have managed it & coped with it & that's positive! I moved 12times in 15 years & so I know how stressful it can be! But your new home can be made to look how You want it to & as it's Your sanctuary & only those you allow can step inside!

You said you've lost jobs is that meant to mean a few? Was that because of your health or some other reasons as you don't say?

We are all friendly & accepting here & not here to make judgements against you! I'm sure you will find that, on replies to your posts! I've only been here a couple weeks & everyone has been very supportive & understanding! But you do need to take some positive steps yourself & the first visiting your GP which is essential to start your journey to the light again! This is possible! Even though you may not feel it at the moment, take a day at a time & steps however small will make a difference from where you are now!

Take Care spykey

[natejohnson0201 in reply to spykey]

Thank you for the reply. I had a decent job for years and ended up getting fired because all I could concentrate on was my depression. Since then it's been hard to hold down a job cause my brain just can't concentrate on anything other then this feeling. I have a broken family (brother doesn't talk to mom and dad) I'm the only one that talks to everyone in the family. And when I say my family listens, but doesn't. Good example was literally last night I went to go talk to my parents and the min I started talking my mother changed the subject and went back to watching TV. So I don't bother. I've seen doctors about it. I have meds I can take, I'm a little scared to take the meds cause I don't want to get hooked or have symptoms. I feel like I'm to old to be living at home. I'm 34 and should be doing more with my life! Hell I was more sucsessful in my 20s. I shake the feeling and thoughts of giving up and not caring anymore....

[LoriMS61 in reply to natejohnson0201]

Ok, so on the basis of you referring to you Mum as Mom I'm guessing you are American in which case I'm not sure how healthcare works over there. Apologies if I'm wrong.

Firstly, if you've been prescribed medication then you need to take it consistently for it to be able to work. It took two months for my Doctor, husband and family to persuade me to take anti-depressants and when I did I was prescribed certraline. I reacted very badly to this-it impacted on my vision and intensified my suicidal thoughts. Long story short, I was then prescribed Venlafaxine in increasingly larger doses and it has had a huge impact.

I wish I could offer advice about work, but I am in the same position. I had to quit my job because of my depression, so if you figure out how to work around this, please give me a shout. Lack of concentration is a symptom of despession.

It might be that your parents don't know what to say or are uncomfortable talking. If you speak to a Doctor or counsellor they are on your side and they will listen. You might not have found a Doctor or counsellor who you can develop a strong relationship with yet, don't give up on all of them though.

You've explained that the reason you are at home is because you are unwell. If you'd broken your leg and had to move home because you'd had to quit work would you be as hard on yourself as you are being right now? You need to give yourself a break, give yourself time to heal .

What do you want to achieve? I'm not going to say that there isn't any point in looking back, because what you've been through has informed who you are now. You might have been what you deem successful but something triggered this.

You need to look to the future now. What goal are you going to set yourself for today? What goal are you going to set yourself by the end of the week. Break it into smaller pieces and it will seem more achievable.

Lori

[Rg2000 in reply to natejohnson0201]

Hi Nate. Hope you are feeling better. Just saw your post from a year ago and wondered if things are bettee now for you

[natejohnson0201 in reply to Rg2000]

Hey. So my life has changed a lot. I have a full time job. Im in a new and better relationship. And I'm moving out at the end of the month. I have money in the bank and just adopted a furry friend to keep me company. I don't take anything other then xanax. I started making juice to help. I also try and excercise. I recently got a MRI and it came back normal. I'm getting better, mainly because I'm not focusing too much on the depression and I'm trying to be more in the moment. I see a therapist and I've been reading lots of books on depression and how to help it. To really yourself is too completely change your life. And really try and enjoy the moment and what you have.

How are you doing? I'm happy to listen. Hope all is well!

[Rg2000 in reply to natejohnson0201]

Oh thats amazing news! I'm so glad things appear to be coming together for you after such a horrid journey: best of luck going forward and may the good times roll 😊

[KE2018 in reply to natejohnson0201]

Hi Nate-

I'm late to this conversation thread, but it has been very helpful. Can you say more about how you began to feel better?

I am just about where you were when you originally posted. I haven't lost my job yet but am thinking of leaving. It's too overwhelming. I'm on two weeks medical leave but (as per US healthcare) the doc put me on leave but couldn't get me in to see a psychiatrist/therapy/group for 3 weeks. So frustrating.

I'm going to pay out-of-pocket to see a highly recommended therapist next week (also the earliest she can see me). I am hoping she extends my leave but also completely freaked out that I'm letting down my friends at work. It's a stressful place.

Friends and family keep saying, "You deserve to take care of yourself." And I know that. But I can't relax and believe it because I feel like things will never change or that it will take forever.

Did you focus on one thing at a time? Like exercise? I'm thinking of giving up my apartment and moving in with my parents anyway to be around family and friends in my hometown.

I'm so scattered, it scares me.

Anyhow... I thought maybe you had discovered a way to plan for eventual success... relief... happiness.

Thanks for any thoughts you might share.

Kim

[natejohnson0201 in reply to KE2018]

Hey Kim,

So I suffered from anxiety attacks and depression. The depression came from a bad relationship that knocked me down to an all time low. The anxiety attacks came from an over active mind that would go haywire. I started talking to friends and family about it. So everyone knew what I was going through. I removed myself from the dysfunctional relationship. I then started to read books. One book that helped was HOPE AND HELP FOR YOUR NERVSE. I also started listening to YouTube videos of people dealing with the same thing. I also got my intrusive thoughts under control. I thought I was going crazy cause of the random thoughts. When I realized I didn't have to attach myself to those thoughts and didn't have to accept them. I started to feel better. Lastly you need to find an outlet that makes you happy. Something where you can rest your mind and relax. I started watching Netflix, watching ted talks too. Do not watch things on your phone it doesn't help. Has to be on a TV if you watch. Also make sure and rest. Don't go to bed late.

Keep your family and your friends close.

What kind of symptoms do you have? Just curious,

Nathan

[Robbie138]

Hi Nate, sounds like my life at the minute. It's not as easy going to your dr and getting counselling, yes dr will give you pills but you can wait months on seeing a counsellor, also at the end of the day everyone knows it's them that has to change, put all your negative thoughts into positive ones ( no magic wands or pills here) if it was that easy I don't think anyone would be depressed . Ok go join a club meet new friends, how can you when you are stuck in house life and thoughts spiralling out of control. Only time you get a break is when your sleeping and that's only if you manage too. I wish you well and hope the sun starts shining for you soon. If you can manage to think more positively you are on the start to hopefully a brighter future. Good luck X

[natejohnson0201 in reply to Robbie138]

I will try to think more positive. And you are so right. My only peace is sleeping (and that's if I don't have nightmares or wake up cause of a panic attack) sucks to feel depressed before you sleep and wake up feeling the same. I will think more positive and try to not think of the issues that bring me down (being jobless, living at home, no friends ect...)

[Robbie138 in reply to natejohnson0201]

As I said it's easier said than done, we just have to try when we are in right frame of mind. We are so lucky we all have sites like this, but sometimes I'm so down I can't even be bothered to write I might read a few then give up. Their has got to be sunnier times out there for us. Take care x

[Robbie138 in reply to Robbie138]

O and with meds I take them at night til I have them in my system so I don't go through all the rotten side effects, (sleeping if I can) my dr said it was ok then I change them to morning. Worth a thought. X

[LoriMS61 in reply to Robbie138]

I agree. I do the same so that the drowsy affect is minimalized and actually helps me sleep. I've been on it for around 2 months and we are still trying to work out the right dosage.

[natejohnson0201]

I've always been bad at holding down friends. When I easy young I moved all the time and didn't learn how to keep friends. I never really noticed how lonely I was till I started to have more free time from not having full time work. Not having money goes hand in hand with not having friends. I can't go out and do what people are doing. Can't afford it. I really hope something good awaits, cause like I said before I can't see the light. I wake up and I feel nothing but sadness.

[Kainan]

Hi. With the medication, you absolutely must find the one that works for you. One that works for someone else does not mean it will work for you. And to do that means you need to find a psychiatrist who you can communicate with and trust that he or she will work with you and together make the right decisions for your treatment.

I don't have friends either, or a girlfriend. But I read that you do. Cherish what you have at the moment. Cause you never know when something will be taken away from you. You say you see people around you enjoying life and it seems so easy for them. It certainly seems that way from your perspective; you just never know. They could be putting on a happy face on the outside, but you'll never know what goes on from within. Whether it be at work or outside or online, you see that people tend to focus on the positive and happy things; talking about upsetting things is unpleasant, and most everybody avoids that

Try to focus on the positive and you will be. After all, we are what we think. If you know you will lose something you have right now like a place to sleep or food, wouldn't you be more grateful that you have it.

[natejohnson0201 in reply to Kainan]

hey thanks for the reply. You are totally right. I dont know what these people are dealing with behind closed doors. I think some people are just good at handling stress and these kinds of emotions. I'm gonna need to try to cherish what i have for sure. At this point im starting from the bottom so there is only one way up. Hopefully I didnt do to much damage to anyone around me. I know my girlfriend is pretty fed up, she doesnt even want to see me. Her last words to me since we last talked was she needs space and cant be around me. So im pretty sure thats officially over. Im gonna just stay focused on feeling better doing more productive things and finding a med that works for me. I'm also gonna try breathing exercises to see if that helps. Also need to keep telling myself that im not a bad person and its all in my head. i really appreciate the support that i get here.

thank you

[mysmugcat in reply to Kainan]

I agree with Kainan

To OP welcome to the forum.

[Depresseddorset]

Hi Nate. I have been living with depression most of my life.. My current episode has been with me for nearly four years. My previous episode was about 25 years ago when I tried to kill myself because I felt so bad. I was found and dragged, unwillingly, back to life and had to be watched 24/7 for months. I recovered and had 25 years free from depression. With this episode I have learned a lot about my illness and although it is rated moderate, I am comfortable with who I am. I take 225mg venlafaxine and 30mg mirtazapine every day. These meds keep me stable and,despite having chronic fatigue and fybromyalgua I work full time. As I said I am now comfortable with who I am and don't figt or suffer depression but it's not all rosy. When not at work I isolate myself so I force myself to work to pay my bills, make me leave my house and give me an element of control to my life.

The hardest thing is to accept that your depression is part of you, it makes you unique and is no different from any other chronic illness like diabetes.

I am lucky that my employer recognises all of my illnesses both physical and emotional and allow me to work within set boundaries. You can hold down a job but first you need to accept your depression and not let it control you. It's hard but with the right professional support for counsellors, psychiatrist s and mental health nurses you can move forward. But it takes time and you have to be determined (not easy) and patient. You will recover but don't look for a cure. I wish you all the very best in your search for acceptance we are all here to support each other so although we can't be with you physically you are not alone. Take care, be patient and you will recover.

[lin62-65ze]

Imagine that depression is a cancer, if this was so you would not get better until you were treated. Please take your medication and then take LoriMS61's advice. Look at her now, she has conquered and this will be you and a very short while. Sometimes we have to take things. Also do not read the side effects on the drugs, my son has depression, he has to work each day as he is self employed but he recently was not well, he was prescribed new drugs and would not take them as it said he would put weight on, now he is on some different ones but he is not too good and he is an electrician and needs to be with it!! We all care about each other on this site and we are all routing for you. Take the meds and Lori's advice, soon you will be out there enjoying your life😊😊😊👍👍👍