Fakes & Phonies

Are some of the worst kinds of offenders

who roam this earth.

The lies that they tell themselves

& what they do to convince others

Is beyond comprehension.

[Iluvhorses]

What do you mean?

[Hidden]

People who deceive themselves often deceive others.

& People who deceive, often do so to manipulate others.

Deception & manipulation are not the foundation for any healthy relationship.

[Stilltrying_ in reply to Hidden]

I think I know exactly what you mean . I always felt that these people win. They only win if we let them. We need to find self respect self acceptance and self worth and set our boundaries accordingly. They can only win by digging away at people with already low self esteem. It is like they can spot them a mile off and dig them out; they see a weakness and capitalise on it. I guess that is what you mean? It is true and a sad fact of life that those who have experienced abuse of one kind or another be that physical ,emotional or sexual will often keep getting repeats of those experiences because they have not learned to self protect. I got involved in a number of really messed up relationships because I was vulnerable.

There is always someone out there who will use your weakness to their advantage and it is a slow process to try and build self worth but once you have it you will not allow yourself to get involved with those people and they will have no hold over you. For me often it was a case of a "bargain". They could provide me with an element of security consistency that I lacked but in return I had to put up with very bad treatment. I have moved on in that I would rather not get involved with anyone than experience this. I have terrible trouble creating any kind of security or consistency for myself but i do try and do in the least damaging ways possible. Of these I would suggest joining social groups rather than 1 to 1's, distracting yourself as much as you can from your own difficulties when there is no option to work on them. When there is a genuine option of support grap it with both hands and work on improving your sense of yourself.

I agree to that these people lie to themselves. They believe they are ok whereas they are damaging. There are some compulsive liars out there some of whom unfortunately I have met, one was in my family. It is shocking the way they are but one thing to remember is that these people are not normal. They are either narcissists ( in the case of my mother) or pyschopaths ( luckily my family only went as bad as narcisssm as psychopaths hit another level of disgraceful betrayal of trust).

I wish you all the best if you are trying to deal with these influences.

[Hidden in reply to Stilltrying_]

I agree with so much of what you wrote I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. These experiences happen in life ,I guess due to our percieved weakness by others they have been inevitable.

I found these latest series of incidents have brought me to a different understanding . That I can use them to better myself & find my voice, rather than sink into a depression.

One of my new outlets has been writing.

I found that it has helped me understand myself better, as well as others, & has helped me to process the emotions in a way that's least damaging .

If you are interested

healthunlocked.com/healmypt....

healthunlocked.com/healmypt...

Thank you for your reply.

[deejames]

Has something happened to make you more conscious of this truth ? I try to stay away from such people and if I can't always be wary. Without getting hung up on it of course.

Dee

[Hidden]

Seems to be a pattern throughout life unfortunately... that I attract these types, despite trying to avoid them as well. I'm always wary, every day , as far back as I can remember. Thats what life has taught me

Thank you for your reply.

[Stilltrying_ in reply to Hidden]

I am really battling at the moment with the idea that I even do this to myself. I am just about to post a piece in which I have realised that what my mum did to me (basically batter me down straightaway if I tried to get any "normal" attention) that I maybe inadvertently do to myself. I punish myself for having normal needs because I was expected to have no needs at all and only to serve.

It's been suggested to me to go for psychanalytic therapy. I don't know if you're in a place where this could be useful for you. I must admit I've had many types of therapy and sometimes what has helped has not actually been the therapy. What has helped me in the last day or so was someone suggesting that I wrote down my life story in terms of how I felt at different ages and then try and be accepting of that person and not critical. It was excruciating to write as I feel my life has been one big mess but I make jugdments on myself such as I don't deserve to live because of this. That is a very extreme statement and I would never say that someone else did not deserve to live because for example like myself they failed to mature.

I've been a bit lazy and not read your back story but it is just a suggestion for you too. One thing we mustn't do is to keep repeating this. As soon as you recognise abuse happening that should be a signal to stop any interaction with that person. Unfortunately maybe like myself you are needy and so you will get drawn into the hope of something for yourself. It's hard to withdraw once drawn in but it is necessary. I have been on my own for two years now. I vow that any relationship I make from now on will not be abusive. If that means no 1 to 1's then so be it.

PS Sorry your other reply came up just as I posted this. I will check that out now. Gemma

[Hidden]

Hi I agree with the others. Mind you I think people who lie to themselves are very sad individuals and must lead an awful life.

The other thing I would add to your list is intolerance. x