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[lyndsay2012]

Just saying hi and that I'm new here. Just looking to see what help and advice I can find on here ☺

[Hidden]

Hello lyndsay

How can we help

BOB

[lyndsay2012 in reply to Hidden]

Hi i suffer with severe depression which I have been in hospital for. I'm also type 2 diabetic and have hyperthyroidism. I'm under the Effective disorder team from the mental health team and take medication for my illnesses but I'm struggling really bad. Almost everyday I feel suicidal and I have acted upon this multiple times but have failed. So was just looking for advice now as I feel as though I carnt carry on anymore. It's been 3 years now and I don't seem to be getting any better if anything I feel as though I'm getting worse xx 

[Hidden in reply to lyndsay2012]

Hello Lyndsay

Like you I suffer chronic disability and pain, I also have the associated Depression and on top of that the medications have taken a toll on my short term memory.

I can understand your irritation and anger with the problems you are suffering from, there is very little we all can do as we suffer chronic illness, like you I have tried to end my life and gone through all the anger associated with my condition that started in my thirties, now I am sixty five.

When it comes to the final tablet, those feelings when becoming old are brought in some form of prospective as we seen our Peers dying off at earlier or same age. We see those departed and wonder what can I do to reinforce the positives in our lives.

All I know is I have worn the tea shirt for to long and now I will see it to the end. People like us can be stronger than the healthy, and we learn from the chronic and depressive illnesses we suffer from. Those who are healthy when younger are hit badly as they become infirm, We can show those people the strength we have.

Yes you suffer depression and wish it would stop, we all do. Suicide is not worth it, we need to consider not only ourselves, also others around us who are left behind, with their mixed negative thoughts on why we did what we did.

One of my secrets is find a voluntary organisation where you can help others with a similar conditions, it will not only help you also others as they struggle through their lives, then help eachother

BOB

[Hidden]

I'm like you as well, I have now been ill for over 5 years, well it's been longer, but I thought it was normal. 

I'm on lots of meds and see my nut doctors all the time, I call them nut doctors as I'm nuts. 

You have to do day by day, and when you finish the day, pat yourself on the back, you have done another day. 

As for suicide, you have tried and failed, so it's not your time. Forget it now, you can't change the past. 

One of my doctors told me, if you want to through yourself in front of a train, then don't walk by train tracks, if you want to cut yourself hide the blades. 

I don't think I will ever get better, but I'm learning to live with it and I have excepted that I am ill. 

It's hard, I try to start new everyday, I say to myself this is a new day the only way is up. You get knocked back, I was told the other day I now have cancer. But hey, I have got it, got to live with it, we all die in the end. 

Get yourself a happy place, mine is sitting in a car where you are in closed and safe, you can listen to your own music and you can breath. 

I also have a happy though, so when I have a bad time I think about my happy thoughts, this takes your mind of the bad feelings. Also you can do things like out a elastic ban on you wrist, when you have a bad though ping the band, you get that sharp pain, again it takes your mind of the bad thoughts. You can try lots of things like this. 

But most of all you are still here and that's amazing, well done. You are getting help and now you are in here, so deep down you are asking for help, which means you are winning the battle. It will be a fight every day, but you are winning the battle, every now and then you will loose ground but by the end of the day you have won again. 

Hope this helps 

Craig 

[Iluvhorses]

Welcome to the forum and I'm glad you're reaching out.