Breakup depression.....

[James1978]

I recently split from a gf....I live in Spain. I suffered a meltdown. Got on fluoxetine 40m a day...... I have no job there ...money low...I'm in Scotland on hols. Just struggling everyday with vomiting crying etc....(( the breakup etc

I've tried for 4 months to reconcile the relationship but I was dammed if I do dammed if I didnt....type thing

Not sure what next best step is.? I know they say no contact but I have been weak plus i started smoking in February due to the stress....I drink often though not a lot. 

Family and friends are concerned...my relationship became toxic.....somehow...

Now I'm lost in every aspect

[James1978]

Been on fluoxetine since start of February....did some online coaching but can't afford to do more.

[Dbno]

dear James

I do hope that you are taking better care of yourself today.  I know that a breakup can be very hard for all of us - I have always found that writing a list helpful. I would write all the pros (good things) and all the cons (bad things) down, trying to be honest about it.  Accept anything that was my fault (sometimes I am not the easiest person to live with) (shrug) I am sure that you will see that the cons far out weigh the pros.  So leaving was a sensible thing to do and although it hurts it will pass. 

Some people do a cleansing ceremony when a relationship breaks down.  They write down all the problems and then burn it thus releasing the negativity out of their lives.  If it works try it.

I think you are being very strong and brave.  You have taken a big first step by reaching out to this community and I hope that you can acknowledge that. 

Remember to breath -

if you can not face the idea of tomorrow just concentrate on today or the next hour, the next minute (if need be).

you are stronger than you know and you will feel better soon

keep ya chin up

[Stilltrying_]

Hi James, I was in a toxic relationship about 2 years ago and I know how difficult the whole thing is; both during and after. One gets the feelings that you were "meant to be" and it is hard to realise the hard facts that actually this relationship has not been good for you as relationships which are good for you do not involve this constant battling. 

You need to stay away and you know that, though you've had one or two little relapses by the sound of it. Get it completely out of your mind that you were meant to be with this person is my advice and don't feel guilt or longing or whatever it is you are feeling. 

You say your family and friends are concerned; that is because they can see the true facts better than you are able to at the moment. Go back into the arms of your friends and family who know you and love you and can see that this was the wrong path for you. 

 In a few years time you will be over this bad period and will have met someone else more compatible. 

Gemma xx

[James1978 in reply to Stilltrying_]

Thanks Gemma

Just trying to take it easy these days ))) x

[Hidden]

All I can suggest is that you look for distractions to divert those negative feelings of loosing someone you had feelings for.

The problem we all have when relationships fail, life becomes any port in a storm and the feelings are not quite right although we go overboard and get tangled up in failed emotions, we then make errors that we can regret later on.

Failed relationships sad to say are part of life, we need to learn from them then move on and not bounce onto a dubious path. Take your time and recover, you will be more fit to enter relationships and find someone new.

When it comes to ADs you are better just talking to someone you trust the medications will just muddy the waters

Good Luck

BOB

[En1234]

Hi James,

Its always sad to hear of someone breaking up. I actually went through a very bad break up (about 22 years ago now), I was living with my partner. We had a joint mortgage, joint bank account, everything we had was joined. The only thing we didn't have was a Marriage Certificate. I left our house and he stayed there and also moved his new partner in, and I have to admit it took the best part of 3 years for me to really get over it - I knew it was something that had to be done but it was the "getting through it" that was the hard part. Looking back I now KNOW it was the best thing to do and there are some days even now when I look back and think of my ex but not in the way I used to. You WILL be OK. Be kind to yourself and maybe you should think of doing something just for YOU..

It sounds really cliched but it would be good if you had something to focus on. Something to take your mind off the thoughts you are probably having. Instead of smoking and drinking, even though it is not a lot, why not turn this on its head and start seeing your health as the most important thing to you right now. Take up a sport or go walking or running (when I was going though a really bad patch a few months ago I purchased a pair of running shoes and have never looked back)...Right down to your diet, start looking after yourself food-wise, have regular meals, nice hot baths, plenty of sleep.. Buy a good book and read about something you enjoy, whether it be thrillers or drama, whatever you like. You never feel alone when you are reading a good book and it transports you somewhere else for a while.

Love yourself first before you allow anyone else to love you again. Give yourself some time on your own. It sounds like a long way off but this time next year you will be a different person.

Will be thinking about you!!

Take care....Keep your chin up and keep posting.

PS. You said your relationship became toxic.....ANYTHING toxic is NOT good for you!! Get rid!!

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