Depression? or just odd?

[rev667]

I'm a 54 year old guy who in my youth was quite a social person, lots of friends, parties, days out etc.

The usual relationship breakups. Finally met a lady and have been together for many years.

The past few years I have withdrawn from all social activities, the thought gives me anxiety. I no longer see friends, lost contact with almost all of them. I have withdrawn into my shell.

I work, there's no real problems there, I can have a laugh with the lads etc.

I go to work, come home, wait for bedtime, sleep, go to work and so on. day after day. I don't do anything with the missus anymore, just sit and watch crap tv or browse crap on the net.

I have no energy, there is no 'fun' in life anymore. I go to sleep and hope I don't wake up.

This past few years when things are bad (money worries, among them) I think of just giving up. I have an exit bag in the boot of the car, that's a recent thing.

Last year the missus walked out, made me think, got some tablets from the doc for depression, they didn't do much, was on em for 6 months. Going to the doc and talking seems to be pointless. The missus has been suggesting stuff to do forever, usually greeted with a negative reaction. I know this isn't normal.

What do I do now?

I really feel there is no way out.

Rev

[Hidden]

Rev

All sounds the same with me at your age, Now I am sixty four and will be sixty five in two months time, today I sat in a room for over one hour discussing my way forward, my final hopefully decades, although now I realize that now approaching the finishing line and have just got my life in a good pathway where people in my voluntary work are appreciative of what I do, now I wonder for how long I can continue as my concentration is now not so good.

Forgive me for asking if you are back with your wife ?.

Generally I would advise you to take on an interest, hopefully with your Wife and get settled in something you both enjoy. I do work with organisations associated with the NHS and I have an orchard of about two dozen fruit trees and other soft fruits. We have moved into a cottage and adapted it to cater for my disability bt knocking two cottages into one. I also now have disappeared from people who would do me harm.

Now I am trying to arrange my last decades of retirement, what ever that is as I suffer from a Chronic disability.

Life is to short, I tried to commit suicide a while ago, what we never get any sympathy and generally a very brisk ear bending. Then people who love you become resentful of your actions and they then loose the trust that they had for you. Even now my medications are ordered, sorted and given to me on a daily basis so I will not take that way out again. You see it is not you who will feel bad at that time it is those who love you, we all generally become apologetic of our actions. Hazel is now sitting there with my prescription sorting out my medications as she now does not trust me after my thoughtless actions. All it can generally mean we will be taking strong medications until the man with the black bowler and Black transit come and pick up my remains. I have been talking about that today and that has made my day.

Sit down with your Wife and discuss your feelings, try or take on hobbies or voluntary work. The best work I like is dealing with people like myself with depression we are all very nice patients when we get to know people. Just work it out, discuss with your GP although I cannot see them wanting to go dancing three evenings a week. Mind some people do like Bingo. Whatever turns you on.

Remember the working population in their middle age feels the same way as you bored, just do something about it

BOB

[rev667 in reply to Hidden]

Google is your friend.

Rumaging about the web, I found a disorder that matches me almost perfectly.

Not Depression per-say, but that is a result.

Schizoid Personality Disorder

Yup, that's me.

[secondhandrose2 in reply to rev667]

If you feel that is the correct diagnosis for you then why not ask your GP to refer you to a therapy group where you might learn to relate more at a deep level - superficial relating is fine for work but brings no deeper sense of satisfaction and spells disaster for relationships that require more intimacy.

Suexx

[Hidden in reply to rev667]

All I can suggest is what I have mentioned before and if you feel in any way at risk you need to make an appointment with your GP who will lead you onto that correct pathway.

Generally I would advise you at this time not to rummage to much on web pages, all you will do is associate your condition to various conditions and you will feel worse for it as a depression will become more pronounced as you try and square a circle. Get your diagnosis and help then hopefully you will gain support from your GP through an introduction to a CPN and medications to suppress your condition.

BOB

[Allestklar123]

Hi

It sounds as if there has been a big change in your way of being from when you were younger. It also sounds that you have recently had a big change when your wife left. I am really concerned about your "exit strategy" and the bag you have prepared. It's really good that you feel able to tell people on here about what is going on for you. I am wondering if this is about loss. Not just of your wife but of your youth and a time without responsibilities. You talk about financial pressures. You say that you tried tablets for 6 months and they didn't help. I don't think tablets are always the answer but there are many different ones. I also wonder if you have tried therapy. I do feel you need some support right now. I would encourage you to talk to your GP again about your the bag in your car. Mindfulness is helpful in depression and anxiety. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can also be helpful. There are other things to try so please don't give up. There is always hope.

[Hidden]

To resign yourself to a condition you have not had diagnosed is like standing next to a cooker with your hand in the flame, all is a hiding to nothing. I again recommend that you make an appointment to your GP surgery. Negative thoughts in depression just takes you down to deeper depths of depression.

Can I ask have you seen your GP yet, if you need treatment and diagnosis that is the first step in understanding your condition. Not allowing yourself these positive actions will make your condition worse and you will possibly become more ill and insular.

Carrying a travel case in the boot of your car, shows me that you are trying to tell us and possibly people who love you how serious you may feel. To be honest situation sounds you could be using it as a crutch, that attitude shows you need to prove to your self and those around you how sorry they will be when you go out and take that action.

All you are doing there is putting people on edge every time you go out,and can you not imagine what people who know this must be feeling.

If you feel so serious about this you need to gain emergency support, you can go to E and E and request that you be put in a place of safety, while they talk to your GP and arrange the Crisis Team to discuss and make possible treatment plans through your Surgery.

Again I will also advise if you are becoming to use your case contents go into a Police Station and again ask to be put in a place of safety.

Personally I would make that appointment with your GP urgently and discuss some form of treatment. Please do not use your suitcase as an excuse to hit people who know you over the head with it. You may be very shocked at the actions you will suffer if you keep worrying people who know you

See your GP

BOB

[rev667]

The only people who know about my exit-strategy are you people on here. My nearest and dearest have absolutely no clue about it, or the dark thoughts I have.

They only see a cold and distant person, who is apathetic about any and all social interactions. Hence the marital difficulty. My wife is still with me, currently staying with the daughter, giving both of us a small break.

I have referred myself to insight healthcare, via the local nhs.

I just need to wait for an assessment appointment.

I will fix this.

[SueTufty]

So fantastic to see the last positive comment...You will fix this!..hugs...😂

[rev667]

Ok, been a while. Am still now taking citropram? Not sure if it's making a difference. I am trying to be more 'interactive'. One problem is that on my days off work I want to relax, but the missus can't stand to see me sat for more than 10 minutes at a time, I actually look  forward to work for the rest!

Haven't had too many black thoughts for a while, which is good, thinking is sometimes muddled, which is bad.

Had CBT but it was mainly for depression, useful though.

Got plenty to worry about. My dad dying slowly due to cancer, my diabetes, a broken car, no money etc.

But life goes on, even if sometimes I want to get off.

Rev