What to do? Advice. : Hi. I'm 20 and am... - Mental Health Sup...

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What to do? Advice.


Hi. I'm 20 and am in a relationship of 4 years and I think that that my boyfriend has depression. He is aware that he has been in this situation for a little while and its only in the last month that we have both particularly picked up on it and have been aware of the situation. I am extremely worried about him but have literally no idea what to do. He works a silly amount and has high blood pressure also which means he's on tablets for that. He is distant and withdrawn, acknowledges but also doesn't acknowledge that he is depressed (if that makes sense). He is confused about his feelings which means that I am confused...We have gone from telling each other everything, being more than fine, having a great sex life.....to being very distant, distrusting and no sex life. He says he sort of feels asexual and has no attraction to anything. However I think that the bigger problem is that recently he's been questioning his sexuality and that obviously makes me worried. You have to understand that overall I just want him to be ok and to feel happy again, I am his girlfriend but more importantly his best friend. However, this is obviously concerning for me and am finding this extremely hard to deal with and cannot think about anything else but about him, Im worried and constantly on the verge of an anxiety attack. He has admitted to me the way he feels about this but also very confused but it all which is understandable. I think why I'm finding it so hard it that I know that he is talking/flirting to a friend who is gay which is fine but he flat out lies to me about it and whether he is trying to protect me or just doesn't want me to know, i have no idea. He speaks with him on the phone and acts quite flirty with him. I just wanted some advice on how to deal with all of this as I have never been in this situation in my life before and as much as I know that he is struggling I don't want to make anything worse for him and I am struggling too.

Is this common or has anyone else experienced the same sort of thing? Any advice on what to do would be appreciated as I am at the point that I am literally sick with worry and really struggling to cope. Being in a happy relationship for 4 years and going to this Im finding I can't understand it and I have no idea what to do. I apologies if this sounds like its all about me and essentially it's about him but I care so much and am on the receiving end of it I just need some guidance as have never been in this situation before,

Thank you x

1 Reply

Ok, for starters, you are absolutely on the right track. I struggle heavily with depression so I am coming more from his side but I am also very good at looking at both sides of a situation. You are on the right track! The most important thing for me is my spouse needs to stick with me. You are worried and concerned. That is so much better than getting frustrated and mad at him. From the sounds of it he is absolutely going through some sort of depression. That does not mean this is permanent though. As for the being gay, bring it up. Bring it up to him and when you do make sure he knows that you are ok with it. If he knows you won't be mad he is far more likely to tell you the truth. Dating someone with depression can be extremely hard. You have to do your best to bare with him though. But do not be too overly concerned because if he's irritable then that may just annoy him. Now as for you coping with it, you just have to try things and see what feels right. Me personally, when I'm feeling anxious and upset it helps to doodle and color in an adult coloring book, you can get them on Amazon. Sometimes removing yourself from the situation for a few hours will help. Maybe take a nap. Maybe set up a movie night for you two, you don't have to pressure him to go out and do anything, you don't need to have sex, you don't even need to be cuddling. Often times invading their space will make them even more irritable. Just set a night for both of you to watch a few of your favorite movies and eat your favorite snacks without any pressure on either of you. Hope I helped :)

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