Hi everyone, it's been a few weeks now since I initially posted on here about my depression. I have been to the doctors who have diagnosed me with moderate depression and I am on seratriline tablets. I have also been asked to take part in therapy so I self referred myself to a mental health clinic through NHS however they are so busy that they can't even offer me w phone call until the 20th March! So in the mean time I have to battle this without the help of therapy which I am finding has its good and bad days. It's wierd sometimes I'll wake up in the morning to the sun shining bright and early and feel motivated to have a good day and be positive. But then there seems to be days where I feel like I'm going to struggle to face the day.
In my last post I mentioned how my depression was mainly effecting my relationship with my boyfriend who has took all the shit I give him! I have turned so pessimistic about relationships it's like I feel like I'm going to be abandoned and hurt even if there are no signs that this will happen in my head I am convinced it will therefore it's like I cause arguments over things that are so little or that just don't even exist. He sticks with me through that and I do consider him a good boyfriend but because he naturally can have quite an argumentative temper himself, he is quick to call me back and say things to me he claims is through the heat of the moment that don't help how I feel. It's not very nice being called "f*cked in the head" by someone you love.
Anyway because in so adamant that I'm gonna get hurt or abandoned I feel like I am panicking over stupid things, for example my boyfriends going on a stag weekend on a few months time and I don't know why but it's playing havoc in my head. I'm just scared because I don't wanna have to worry over little things and feel the way I am. I don't wanna be the type of person to stop my boyfriend doing normal things because of my own insecurities and self esteem. All I want is to feel better about myself and just feel more stable.