No upside to my ecsistance

[Leo142]

my mum has been fined for me not going to school a fine she can't pay so I literally have no upside to being alive wish I killed myself last year as its been a whole year and nothing has changed

[SAMBS]

Hi Leo, im sorry to hear about the fine, first can I ask why you wouldn't go to school? Was it bullying,? It must hav been bad for you if you wanted to die. Is your relationship with your Mum usually a good one?

[Leo142 in reply to SAMBS]

it wasn't anything at school its about when everything started last year August septemberish and school just made things worse even now I can't go to class I'm starting to be itchy and have a slight panic attack its hard to explain I just can't get the courage to go into class

[SAMBS in reply to Leo142]

Hi Leo, so it was during school holidays in summer. I'm guessing if mum can't pay the fine, you just stayed home and local last summer. When you say you 'start to be "itchy" do you mean your skin/body literally starts itching - or do you mean your brain just starts feeling weird, it's your thoughts.

If it's your skin, it could be an allergy, do you have any other health issues, were you taking meds from the doctor? You see if it is a physical problem, perhaps caused through a chemical reaction of some sort, I can understand the "panicky" feelings.

Is it something to do with an adult, (a teacher?) I do hope you are not being abused physically or emotionally by someone. On this forum no one knows you - it's all anonymous, so it's okay for you to say if you know or think you do, what started everything off from the last summer holidays.

There will be lots of support and help for you here to try and find a way to help you. Any useful information you can put will help us to help you. If we can help you it will also help your mum and stop more problems for her.

Do you have a good friend at home or fom school that you can talk to?

You have taken the first step to helping you and your mum by writing on here. Although from England, I'm miles away living in France now - I have grandchildren in the UK and would hate to think any of them would be feeling as you do.

Take care S x

[Leo142 in reply to SAMBS]

i don't have any meds neither am I allergic to anything but its physical when I get into school and Dred having to go into class I start to itch I've not been abused or anything of that it was just last year I became really self coincousious after we went to the beach I had my top off and pictures where taken and it about that time I stopped eating properly

[SAMBS in reply to Leo142]

Hi Leo, yes I understand about being self concious at a young age. I do agree with all the others comments below though. If you talk to your mum, she might perhaps buy you something called Kalms, it's quite good for lowering anxiety.

It's probably your anxiety triggering the itching. Of another thought is, has your mum changed her washing powder or soap and your skin is sensitive to the change!

Do you all have to wear school uniform or your own clothes?

Either way, yes, please talk to your mum over the weekend, I'm sure she will be able to help you get to the source of the problem. Have a good weekend won't you.

I'm off out myself and looking forward to being with my friend, I'm teaching him English!

[Findingme in reply to Leo142]

I scratch my arms when I feel stressed. I think a lot of people do. It is a mental release, or a way of using physical feelings to smother the emotional feelings. However if you can find a way to talk your problems through it would be better. I don't because I have tried a lot of times and had my feelings dismissed, but hopefully you will find someone to listen to you and help you. There is more help available in school these days than in my day, so please try.

[hgrimmer]

Hello leo.

I was a teacher until recently. Sometimes I didn't want to go to school either!! But I didn't like a lot of school when I was a pupil. i was bullied and not very clever either. But I did find something i was good at eventually.

What subject did you hate the most? Which one did you like the most?

Phone Childline for support 08001111........or here is their website for more information:

childline.org.uk

I'd like to speak to you more? Is that ok?

Heather x

[Mandy6513]

Leo its time to tell your parents everything thats going on for you....Nothing will change unless you tell them because they cant change what they dont know

[Hidden in reply to Mandy6513]

Totally agree with you Mandy - Leo please tell your parents, they need to know.

[Olderal]

Leo, if you really can't talk to your mum about your problems why don't you book a double appointment with your doctor and talk some of your problems through. What passes between you and your doctor will be totally confidential and I think you should talk to a health professional.

Life does n't seem to have been very good for you for a long time and what may seem terrible problems for you at sixteen may not seem such a big problem to an older person. You must find someone to talk to about how you are feeling and if you don't feel you can talk to your mother ,or if you feel that won't help ,then your doctor might be able to help.

Much older people than you have a need to discuss their problems with other people. Carrying all this on your own shoulders is too much to ask .

Olderal

[Hidden]

Leo,first and foremost talk to your Dr or a teacher or failing that if you know an adult you can trust and talk to tell them what is going on ,why you dread school (I dreaded school when I was young I used to learn things at home and at the library and school was only teaching me things I had already learned) I don't know how old you are but if you are in your teenage years you could ask your headmaster to put you on a "EVLC" course at your local college? Most important is you talk to someone that way at least your Mum won't get anymore fines, and you will get the help you need

[Hidden]

Leo I have been thinking about this all night and wondered if there is any way I/we can help? perhaps if you could let us know your age we can get numbers for you to call so you can get the right help from the proper agencies? I know how bad you must feel about your Mum having to pay the fine , Its something as parents we have to do! you do not mention your Dad? can you not speak to him or is it the fact he is not around that you feel the way you do? see we don't know as you have not said enough for any of us to help in any proper way. I have grandchildren who range from 3 up to 15 and step grandchildren who are in their late teens and early twenties, thankfully they can all talk to me and Do! I have spoken to their parents (my children and step children) on their behalf on many an occasion and to be very honest sometimes I have found it difficult to explain what my grandchildren have asked me to convey so I understand how you feel ! whatever you do "Never feel Alone" there is always someone here to talk to and who may not be able to advise you but can at least listen and try to put your mind at ease! you take care dont bottle things up come on here and tell us what is happening Perhaps even write how you feel on here explain why you feel the way you do and then perhaps direct your Mum to your post and ask her to read it? that may be a way of helping her understand you more ? I used to find writing things down and giving the note or letter to my Mum or stepdad was a bit easier than trying to explain things , I get a bit tongue tied in Real life lol

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi Dell

Mandy has directed Leo to agencies and appropriate websites ( she looked up for him) in his last post so he does have numbers and contacts.

Kind regards.

[Leo142]

I'm 16 still in school I don't have a dad

[Hidden]

sorry to hear that Leo,you do really need to go to school or at least keep up with your lessons at your age, I know you may think I am just an adult trying to tell you what to do but I am not, I genuinely worry about some of the people on here young and old! I really hope you take up some of the advice on here as it is all meant with your welfare at heart, Use the numbers you have been given and I am sure you will get the right help! I wish you all the best and really hope you are able to sort things out now rather than later as the longer you wait the harder it will be from what I have seen posted on here from others and my personal life would have been a lot easier if I had tried to talk my problems through rather than bottle them up ! Good Luck and take care.

[vernon123]

Hi I am new to this forum.was wondering if Loe is still on here?Im hoping u could help me??

[Leo142 in reply to vernon123]

hi 

[vernon123 in reply to Leo142]

Hi bud.Hows it going my name is Tammy n Im new to this .I was reading ur posts n then they just stopped.a couple mnths ago was the last post i frm you.So how are u and how have u bern feeling?I feel like shit.all day everyday.but nothin new for me,i want to hear about you......

[Leo142 in reply to vernon123]

Hi yh i just used this site to vent some feelings and when my family found out it was like everything went away even though it hasn't my family don't know what to think and I'm there with them I started eat i again to make my mum happy and made myself worse