Being single with depression. To tell or not to tell?

[Dreamer366]

So I'm single, and I have depression, but I'm really good at hiding it when I do socialise. And get this, men find me attractive and ask me out all the time. Honestly. Me!!!

But the problem is WHAT do you tell them? WHEN do you tell them? DO you tell them? about the big bad depression!!!

I just feel like my last 2 relationship's failed (spectacularly!!), because they just saw me as this happy, outgoing, funny woman, but they didn't see how tough that was to keep up, and I hid my illness and my tears and my struggles, until I just couldn't keep up the charade any more and then I cracked, and then I was dumped, by text!! Both times!!! And trust me, I took the failure of BOTH these relationships REALLY badly.

But what AM I supposed to do. Some guy comes along, he finds me attractive'interesting/funny/desirable, whatever. Do I just slip into the conversation, 'oh hey, I have severe depression, anxiety, panic attacks, been in hospital because I've felt suicidal, can't hold down a job, quite possibly never will again' etc. It's hardly pillow talk is it? Isn't every man just going to turn tale and run for the hills any way? And even if he doesn't. Is he really going to understand what he's getting into? And what living with and loving a person with depression REALLY means?

What have the rest of you done? Surely we're not ALL permanently single?????

Would welcome some advice.

[Kjb1980]

Hello I totally get where your coming from ! I've just split up with my boyfriend and plummeted I have suffered with mental health issues throughout my life that flare up and down attempted suicide years back and class myself as a functional f*** up. I'm honest with who I am but that's not easy for everyone. I am outgoing , good fun etc but then there's the "darkness" I think a partner should be supportive (not easy I'm sure) my ex wasn't able to support as he didn't understand my depression so I think it scares some people. if you understand something you can make sense of it. These guys just didn't understand but I don't think you should hide away from it , yeah it's not pillow talk but I think you can slowly bring it up. The right one will want to support you through the highs and lows! Good luck don't be embarrassed or ashamed xx

[Dreamer366 in reply to Kjb1980]

Thank you. That was very helpful. x

[Hidden]

Well, you certainly have to feel comfortable with who you're telling. I've had a few love interests that turned sour pretty fast after I tried to talk about such things. If it's with the "right" person, I'm sure it'll all unfold by itself, in time.

Slipping it casually into conversation in most cases does not go down well, I agree. This kind of reminds me of what I guess you could call a "pyramid of friendship" I was introduced to recently. It illustrates the various depths of human companionship and what is shared at each of them. I have it uploaded on my Photobucket if anyone's interested.

[Findingme]

Why not embrace it and be up front about it. That way you might attract a guy who is into caring for people.