In a turmoil 😓

The past few days have been really rough for me. I was going through a gap year and finally came to terms with it. But I keep having terrible mood swings. I'm happy one day and extremely depressed the next. I lash out at friends and nothing seems happy anymore. I am agitated. I see other people moving on in life while I am left behind. I applied to a med school out of city. It's a 6 and a half hour drive from home but I don't feel I can go with my never ending anxiety. My symptoms keeps getting worse. And I am afraid with the stress of medicine and being homesick it'll get worse. I've never lived without my mother in my entire life. I can't sleep at night's and sleep after dawn. I also sleep in my mom's room because I get terrible nightmares too. I keep waking up with jolts and a panic attack if I fall asleep at night.

In a hostel I am afraid to live away from my family. Its my dream but my anxiety is in the way. My head feels so weird. Today while i was driving it was so hard to focus and it felt like there was some bubble around my head and I couldn't think. I feel I'm a pea in my brain and I feel I'm not in my body but behind several layers of haze inside myself. It sounds weird. But it's what is not letting me live my liFe. My feet are hot and Cold and some times I feel I don't have any feet. It's absurd. My heart beat is so fast and the thumping is always there. Idk if I can adjust away from home with these conditions. I keep seeing white lights at the corner of my eyes. I can't sleep at night and medicine is highly demanding. How will I handle it? Can anyone tell me what to do? Should I pursue a gap year and try for a home city school? I'm so confused I can pull out my hair🙇

3 Replies

  • Hi mrsherondale,

    So sorry for your condition..i can understand what you are going through as i have gone through the same...i still have a phobia of leaving the matter what im unable to leave the a single mom n i too live with my parents with my kid..there was a time when i used to get all sorts of weird thoughts and see weird things..u wont believe even ghosts...but thats ok..the best thing is that since u are able to rationally figure out whats happening and know that its weird shows that you will be are still hanging in there..waiting to be rescued..but the bad news is that no1 will rescue will have to do it will have to push yourself to do things you cant do even if you feel like crying while doing it ...push yourself to overcome those barriers in your way..n i kno its not going to will be really angry and looking for all sorts of excuses not to..but be honest with yourself and do it..the second time will be as difficult as the first..atleast it was for me..but subsequently it was not a ghost anymore and though i still avoid it but i can if need not handicapped by my fears anymore...medidate if you can..itll five you more control over your mind eventually..but dont expect miracles straightaway..its aa gradual process..i hope the best for you..rule your mind..dont let it rule you..take care

  • Hi,

    I know you are confused and anxious about all this, but you can get through this.

    Do you have someone close either your Mum or a good friend that you can talk to about your worries and fears?

    Might help for you to seek some form of counselling to help you figure out why you feel like this.

    When you are faced with all these fears and anxieties it can be overwhelming if you can get someone to help you figure out which ones to focus on first and work out a plan of how you are going to do that it will help.

    There are lots of techniques that you can use to help you, so it may be worthwhile speaking to someone who could advise you which ones would be helpful for you.

    You can work all this out. Trying not to focus on all your worries and fears at the one time. Get someone to help you work on them individually and you will get there. Keep a diary of what you've done well each day. Focus on what you have achieved and view everything as a challenge.

    Sleep is a toughy to get sorted, but I was advised that a good nightly routine would help. No TV, computers or electronics an hour before bed. Go to bed at the same time every night and even if you don't sleep get up at the same time every morning. Try to go without naps during the day and repeat. Took a while but my sleep partners are much better now. Still get sleepless nights, but I can cope with them better.

    A good diet and plenty of fresh fruit, veg and water help as well.

    I'm back to doing my sport which I stopped a couple of years ago has also helped and they do say exercise is one of the best things you can do.

    Take it easy and always challenge yourself. I know it can be uncomfortable to do that, but you will be so please when you look back and see how much you have achieved.

    If I can get to where I am today and feel so much better, then I know you can.

    I hope this has helped.

  • Hello

    Yes you have been on site several weeks ago.

    A gap year I thought was for a student to experience the outside world, generally many have the chance of working with charities in different countries or travelling to exotic places. Have you decided what you would like to do.

    When I was young I travelled throughout the Middle East. Soviet Union and Europe.

    Yes I understand that the world is not a nice place to visit at the moment, although there are other things you could try. Do you feel the gap year is a waste of time ??

    Six hour drives have never rung any bells for me and if I was doing that every day would drive me up the wall. I can understand you not wanting to leave home,sometimes we need to move on with our lives and long drives with studying would rattle my brains.

    Do you never feel that you need to make that decision to move out into a Halls of Residence. You could use skype and talk to your Mother, on the Friday afternoon you could go home for weekends and then possibly go back early evening or early Monday morning, it would be a chance for some independence as it must be costing a fortune paying for the petrol in the car. When I was having my training I was one hundred and fifty miles away from where I was training for my job, even travelling at weekends on motorways really trashed the car as I could not afford the services and breakdowns even though they paid my petrol and I had a souped up Ford.

    Give it a try and see how you get on in a Hall of Residence. Get gap yearing and enjoy yourself.


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